Doing my head in...

I would say that I would not wish to risk infecting such a vulnerable person so I will stay away to protect her.

This is just why we are having this problem, those people who have decided they won't get the virus and sod everyone else!!

Just refuse to go. If they get nasty report them for breaking the law.

We have a similar situation as my 92 year old. MiL is using every trick in the book to try and spend Christmas with our DD and family. She has been having frequent visitors in her house such as the hairdresser and neighbours that we know of and the family she wants to visit are in three different schools so clearly they are a risk to each other. DH and I have followed the guidelines to the letter and already decided that we will not be spending Christmas with the family this year whether guidelines are relaxed or not but I don't like my DD being coerced in to doing something she is not happy with but really don't know what advice I can give her.

Does the 92 year old think? I think that it is wrong to take her out to a restaurant especially if she has been taking care.
I am 97 and am used to being alone. Will just be pleased to join the family on Zoom.
I think the virus is being spread by people going to pubs and restaurants as well as supermarkets.

The sensible thing is not to go. I think the in laws should have mum at their house for dinner and not go to a restaurant. She will be a lot safer their as going by her age she is very high risk.

So sorry n totally understand how you feel. Your relative is of a good age your priority is to look after you n your DH. Don’t be bullied into doing something that doesn’t sit well with you especially as you have adhered to the rules to stop the spread of this dreadful virus. I’m surprised they are even considering putting an elderly vulnerable person at risk. Stand firm send your apologies n maybe some flowers.

Just say you would feel dreadful and wouldn’t be able to forgive yourselves if you passed the virus to the 92 year old and she died.

Life expectancy in uk = 81, every day after that is borrowed time. Average age of people dying with Covid-19 = 82. When you are frail, any small infection can take you out and even a cold can give rise to a fatal pneumonia. Most old people know that. Most old people would rather see their families than live in isolation. Most old people look at the young panicking about a virus that kills (at most) 2/1000 (World Health Organisation statistic) and shake their heads in disbelief! Ask the lady in question, and calculate your own risk aversion. By the way, I wouldn't go anywhere near a car or a road today - much too dangerous!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I suggest you tell your in-laws that you have made other arrangements for Christmas as the rules do not permit you to be with them.

You are sorry about this, but in the present circumstances it is unavoidable.

Then stick to your guns.

Ok, so you are the bitch from hell. They are jealous of you, and they want to create a new hell unto themselves. Stick to your decision If the h wants to go, he can go alone, to what might well the her Last Supper equivalent.

The idea that Mr Johnson decided, against scientific and medical advice to encourage people to mix says a good deal about what a poor leader he's turned out to be.
Of course most of us long to be with our families and friends. it's been a long haul since February. Everyone I know is feeling the strain to varying degrees, but doing our best to stay positive, enjoy walks and minimise risks.
For me, that means I haven't hugged a grandchild or daughter in months.
I love Christmas, the nativity story, the over indulgence, the cooking, baking and present giving. This year will be a different type of Christmas. I hope to see family and friends in small groups, outside for walks together. I don't envisage having them in my house sadly but I do hope we can celebrate in a big way next year

There is a lot of bullying the elderly going on. Many elderly have memories of stories of another pandemic when no one mixed or it meant death. Most prefer to stay at home this Christmas with phone calls as a covid death is terrfying.

Why on earth would anyone in their right mind take a 92 year old out into a public place for a meal during a pandemic? The windows have to be open by official guidance, it would be much too cold for someone so elderly.

The restaurant is more concerned about making as much money as possible and a couple of my friends have been caught out after careful booking and promises, another table has been filled next to them after they have given their order. That is dangerous.

Many waitresses are in hospital with covid which shows that restaurants were being given false names and addresses and were not checking that customers were not positive or carriers. Carriers do not show any symptoms.

Maybe they think she got to that age .what's to lose.I think they very selfish

Many families have problems at Xmas, so this situation has shone a torch on existing tense relationships and created many more. The season of goodwill can be hard to find under normal circumstances.
Firstly, does this poor old dear want to go to a restaurant or would she prefer a cosy meal at home. Why isn't this on offer?
Seems a bit odd to me given how risky taking her out would be.
I think you need to stop beating yourself up, be assertive, and just say you aren't going. Why are you fretting over causing offence?
Pull up your big girl pants and say what you have decided?

Having had a very domineering MiL for 40 years, I totally get where Silverlady79 is coming from. To all those posters who tell you to just say ‘no’ obviously haven’t been in your position.
Make your husband tell her that it is a bad idea to take the 92 year old into a restaurant and should just cook at home for her but that you will be doing the same for your family. Don’t let her blame you for spoiling her Christmas as my MiL did many times with me. She died in September aged 100 and never said a civil word to me.

I'm having the same problem with my in laws . We usually have them on boxing , but mother in law is insisting on going to her daughter's on Christmas day . This wouldn't be a problem usually but with covid and my sister in law having 16 people there . My in laws are high risk but neither party seems concerned . When approaching my in laws there answer is , we haven't long left and want to enjoy . When my husband brought it up with his sister , he was shouted down and was told it's bloody stupid . To be honest I don't want them at mine after mixing with all them people . My husband has diabetes but we are being made out to be the bad people . I explained to my mother in law last night she might only have a while left but we would like to see several more . She decided not to reply to my message . Why are people continuing to be selfish and then have the cheek to try and make people feel guilty for having common sense .

Silverlady79 - This lady is 92 - where's the compassion and sensibility in this thread? If suitable precautions are taken there's absolutely no reason for her to be excluded, and every reason for you to stay away if you're not comfortable. If I'm working things out correctly, this lady is your husband's grandmother - meaning you're relatively young and probably can't imagine yourself at that age, with the prospect of spending Christmas alone. It doesn't HAVE to be like that. I'm really disliking the conversation that goes "we all have to put up with it ......" - I've never heard that said by someone who lives alone - maybe you and your husband, and your in-laws could consider self-isolating completely for two weeks (to get some idea of her life) to give this old lady a bit of company on one day a year in the knowledge that you won't be placing her at risk.

GoldenAge I sometimes wonder if Gransnet (the clue is in the name) has been taken over by young people who all have elderly relatives that they find a problem.

I would speak to your MIL and just explain that you are concerned about her wellbeing and yours and that, because of the Government advice, you will not be doing a joint Christmas meal this year but hope to meet up at Easter instead. Don't be bullied into doing something you think is going to be detrimental to your health and possibly that of your MIL too.

Silver Lady, that was so funny the way you said it. I can appreciate your sense of humour as I am nearly as old , and I suspect sweet people think I might fall apart if I don't do Xmas.

I would be saying "actually, we DO care!" That's why we are keeping away and not joining you for Christmas Lunch!

Leaving aside 'the rules' for a moment (as we don't know what they are yet)....

If you have been isolating, your In-laws and their Mother are isolating - what are you scared of?

You can't catch CV from someone who hasn't got it!

Just tell them you would rather leave the larger gathering for just this one year and hopefully if the vaccine is a success you can all get together at Easter, her 93rd birthday, etc