Sulky husband.

Well said, soldiersailor. The poor man probably knew very little about Glaucoma, has been knocked sideways by the news and is going on and on because he’s scared, doesn’t know what to think and is hardly encouraged by having to live - like all of us - in the bloody Twilight Zone at the moment.....no plans or jolly things to distract him. Nothing worse than being shut indoors with someone going on and on - but a bit like a small child raging at something he can’t have, he really needs distraction. At least until he’s over the shock. The OP should sit down and properly discuss this; what was said, how he feels, what needs to be done, who needs to be informed (no one if he continues to have one good eye) and to explain that she cares about his worries but they’re going to plan and speak and get through this together. Harmony needs to be restored so he can feel that it will be a problem shared. In the same situation how would he want to help his Wife?

Whilst I understand your frustration aly I think that perhaps you need to put yourself in his shoes - he's faced with a condition which has the potential to change his life beyond anything he can imagine - and without support and information his imagination will run riot with all the 'what ifs'.

If you are finding it hard to empathise and his constantly rehashing it all it getting you down, may I suggest checking out the Moorfields Eye Hospital website where you will find the details of a nurse helpline, available to anyone with concerns over eye conditions. It may reassure him and give him an opportunity to ask some questions which are clearly playing on his mind, if he were to give them a call. Having once used the line myself when I suffered an eye condition out of the blue, I can thoroughly recommend their service. They are both factual, practical and very helpful indeed. I hope that this may help both your DH and you to deal with his worries and put an end to the sulking which is very trying for you.

Here is the 'cut and paste' info from my internet search for their up to date number...see below:

You can also get information and advice on eye conditions and treatments from our telephone helpline, Moorfields Direct, on 020 7566 2345. Staffed by experienced ophthalmic-trained nurses, the helpline is open from 9am to 9pm, Monday to Friday and from 8.30am to 5pm on Saturdays.

Sending best wishes to you both

Instead of sulking though why doesn't he just talk to you about it. The two of you make a pot of tea and sit down together and talk it all through. My ex was a sulker and it did my head in and it could of went on for days, the atmosphere is awful.

I’m in the same position as shropshirelass, I think. Some days I just want to get in my car and drive off for the day - but can’t. In addition to my DH’s physical condition, his short term memory is ‘problematic’.
He remembers nothing I tell him, but rambles through long tales of his working life.
I think Covid has a lot to answer for!

With a strong family history of glaucoma and hands on knowledge I feel for this man. I myself was diagnosed with early Alzheimers nearly a year ago and I know I ^went on about it^ for several weeks after diagnosis. If anyone had rolled their eyes at me I would have been hurt to the quick. Whilst not a sulker, I would certainly gone and hidden myself away.

Give him time to come to terms with this and ask yourself how you would deal with a life changing diagnosis. And try the helpline someone gave you. My own husband is currently awaiting admission for eye surgery very soon 9not glaucoma related) - and yes - it is hard at times to be supportive.

I understand it is frustrating when someone goes on and on about the same thing. I would be irritated in your position.

However, I am sympathetic to your DH at the moment as I've just been told my cataracts are much worse and I also have macular degeneration. I was told not to choose glasses for style but comfort.

You can't blame him - he might be facing blindness! Two weeks isn't really all that long to come to terms with something possibly that life-changing. I know it's tedious to listen to though, so I feel for you too.

If the world depended on men. .Then I consider myself blessed in having made the right choice.

I'm with Aly on this. I really cannot bear sulking and other passive aggressive "communication" styles.

Hundreds of thousands of people have glaucoma well controlled by drugs and their eyesight is maintained lifelong. Only a minority need surgery and a tiny number will lose sight, mainly because they have not been for checkups or used their eyedrops etc. My Dad (95) has had glaucoma for over 30 years. The glaucoma has always been well-controlled by drops and he attends an annual review at Ophthalmology. That's all. As first degree relatives, we children have free annual eye tests, so we are not unaware of the risks. Aly's DH needs to calm down. It sounds as if she has said all there is to say about the subject, and I don't blame her for not wanting to say any more. People with health anxiety are not helped by interminable discussion, and are often made worse.

I don't know if it's a man thing, but they do seem to have a one track mind if something affects their health.
If he has otherwise been healthy, something like this must have knocked him sideways and he is no doubt thinking of the worst case scenario.
The thing with glaucoma is that when diagnosed early enough, it is controllable and when I worked in an opticians, I came across several people that had it and were in "blissful" ignorance.
Hopefully he will get bored of the lack of response - after the "you don't care about me" phase and the two of you can take advantage of the advice that has or will be given to him by his consultant and then move forward.

Glaucoma is a very common condition and if newly diagnosed will be treatable. The DVLA lists it as a condition you must inform them about, so if he drives he must use the appropriate form to declare it. This in no way means he loses his driving licence but it will be on record. That done, his motor insurers will need to be advised as well. Let him sulk, but take these steps to put things in place so that there are no repercussions. My mother lived with the condition for many years and had daily eye drops, and lived to be 90. My brother in law is the same and his health has not suffered in any way so your husband can be reassured that he will be looked after and has a future to look forward to. Tell him you understand his worry but it’s not the end of the world. And take him out for a bracing walk to look at the wonderful world around us. Just force him out of his self-pity for his own good.

Men and women are oh so different,that`s why we complement each other.
Sulking doesn`t help and neither does rolling your eyes.
I feel you are both a little worried.
That being said i do wonder if i married Dot Cotton.

I agree with Mollycuddler

Some really good posts here.

The poor man is probably worried sick, may be catastrophising and thinking of the worst case scenario in his head
A little compassion is needed and perhaps help him to find out more about his prognosis.
It probably has been difficult to listen to him going on about it, but he sounds as if he is quite hurt.

Izabella, I'm so glad to see you posting and totally agree with your wise post.

When I was 19 back in the 70’s, I took a job as assistant to local dentist, I was gobsmacked from day one discovering how grown up men reacted to pain or slight discomfort. It disillusioned me no end from such young age, I was so shocked and the dentist (elderly man) laughed at my innocence. I’m in my 60’s now and don’t imagine anything has changed.

My husband was diagnosed with glaucoma but because of the long delays locally accessing any treatments he went privately. His diagnosis changed and after treatment he is fine.

Might be worth a private appointment - might help your husband accept the diagnosis or go forward. Husband got the treatments for the new diagnosis on the nhs which surprised me.

How about getting a written info leaflet that you can refer him back to. My mother, and millions of others, live with Glaucoma and the treatment which aims to keep it under control so driving etc. are not compromised. He would wise to inform the insurance company though as if hwe were to have an accident (regardless of fault) and they didn't know his policy could be void

My father lived in fear of giving up his driving license, and I saw the anxiety just the thought of this brought.
Maybe your husband is afraid not only if the illness but of the ramifications to his and your life?
Loss of independence is a struggle for most of us, but possibly worse for men?

Although I can see how difficult this is for you.
Can you take more breaks away from him, covid restrictions withstanding?
Also tell him your worried about it too. Maybe he will have a different perspective if he realizes he has to co sider your feelings as well?

Aly, I am surprised you have classed your husband as ‘sulking’, surely the poor man has taken himself off to lick his wounds. People can go very quiet and into their own thoughts without sulking. As someone who spent every day for 7 years talking bowel movements, surgery, cancer and dying with my husband I cannot understand how you only gave your husband two weeks before you got fed up. Yes I know it’s tedious and wearing but the poor man needs support and a lot of it. He will be feeling lost, scared and downright petrified of his future. If the roles were reversed how would you be feeling? Good luck, I hope you can both get over this and have a lovely future together.

I was married to a sulker . Took me twenty years to realise it wasn’t me and he didn’t need a reason. We’ve met up since the divorce eleven years ago and he still sulks. I’ve moved on and time you did too. This life is the only one you are going to get and you deserve to have sunshine in it every day.

Thank you everyone for your different and helpful responses. He is worried that he may go blind and the fact that it was diagnosed in March at a general eye test and he was not able to see a specialist until November due to Covid, by which time it had become much worse, did not help. He is a bit of a hypochondriac, obviously not this time, and most of the lockdown has been suffering from some ailment or other. Sometimes life threatening and sometimes trivial. He has always been a sulker too so I should be used to it and know when to hold my tongue or hide my eyerolls. Perhaps I should do them behind his back as suggested when I feel particularly frustrated. Thank you Grandmaz for the information re Moorfields Eye Hospital. I will suggest that he gives them a ring. I am not without sympathy and we have discussed this extensively. He has eyedrops which he puts in at night but he says that they stop him from sleeping and he lies awake for most of the night. Has anyone else had experience of this. Thanks again for your responses.

He's a man. What do you expect? The world revolves around him. My 90 year old mum has had glaucoma for years, and manages perfectly well. He will be monitored and treated very well by his local hospital.

I use the drops for glaucoma, and have done for over 10 years. They don’t keep me awake. I do sometimes get dry, gritty eyes but have drops I use when I need to. He’s probably stressed about the diagnosis, and it could be that keeping him awake.

It's all about fear of the unknown and everyone acts differently. I imagine that many are feeling morose with things as they are at present without throwing something else into the mix. It's also a frustrating time because you can't get seen to or sort something out there and then as we once did.

Although I " don't do " sulkers, I'd certainly have it out with him and let him know that there were others who were worse off.