Sulky husband.

Cc I wish we were neighbours! My husband is exactly the same. Imagine how wonderful it would be if we could put them into a room to moan together, and we could go off and do other things! Bliss!

Why do men think that their diagnoses are more important than anyone else’s? I can understand that your husband is in shock, alt, but he can have surgery to repair the damage.

It is natural that your husband is having difficulty coming to terms with a diagnosis.

Ask him nicely on Monday morning if he would like you to ring the Insurance company, or whether he will do it himself.

Alternatively, you could just ring them and then tell him that you have seen to it - do whichever is likely to bring him out of his sulks.

aly I was diagnosed with glaucoma many years ago. I was prescribed nightly drops with the warning never to skip them. My glaucoma has thus been managed for years and my opthalmologue assures me that the condition is stable and my sight won't deteriorate provided I stick to the regime. It's two drops a night..that's it! Men are such babies. My ex used to use trivial complaints as a controlling mechanism. Grow up Mr Aly!

No, Aepgirl, he can't! As yet there is no cure for glaucoma. Its progress can be slowed down by the use of eye drops but that is all.

Another generalisation Phloembundle & Aepgirl men like women do not all deal with illness in the same way. My husband has been having painful treatment for cancer for some years now. He takes himself to the hospital for treatment each time and carries on with life as best he can. He is a real stoic, I am lucky to be married to a brave and kind man.

I think you really need to sit him down and have a long discussion on going forward with his conditions. You need the facts, how advanced it is, what treatment is proposed, how is his sight affective so far and what to expect in the long term.

Gently explain to him that dwelling on the condition will neither make it go away or make anyone feel better. Have an action plan, established together, and support him.

I think, by going into a sulk, he's not mentally coping with the diagnosis and could be very scared.

Wishing him, and you, all the best in coping with this.

I do not have the patients to deal with sulkers they make me so angry. I feel for you especially as he is also a hypochondriac. The problem is the more you ignore sulkers the more they sulk.

I agreed with Redhead56 - men are very childish creatures - I love my hubby to bits but 5is sort of behaviour drives you potty.

It's the opposite in our house. I'm the one who has had 2 potentially fatal and one suspected life changing episode(s). I have talked my way through every possibility, feeling, implication and outcome with my husband each time and ad nauseam. I'm sure he switches off sometimes but he is always available for a reassuring hug and a chat. My sympathy is with your husband in this situation, I am afraid... I've also been known to sulk..... Largely because I have things in my head that are unfair and/or best left unsaid....

I agree with ~Sandself
You both need to know what type of Glaucoma, how much if any sight has he already lost, what treatment plan is advised etc etc. It can be slowed/controlled but is really not trivial. Just imagine how limiting life is without reliable sight - could not even do this.

Support your husband in getting the information he needs and put it in a file with a list of questions for his next appointment with a specialist. And if he hasn't got an appointment help him get one.

I was diagnosed with glaucoma six years ago after an operation for a detached retina. It took me a couple of weeks to get over the shock and research the likely outcome.
During this time I’m sure, like your husband, I did a lot of self preoccupied talking. I had drops for about two years and then stronger drops when they stopped working.
They don’t cause me any sleeplessness and in fact seem to prevent the eye infections I used to get. I take a lot of comfort from these replies on gransnet about people who have been using the drops for years and kept their eyesight. Mine hasn’t changed and I am so grateful that I live at a time when medical advances can preserve your eyesight from the effects of glaucoma.

I’m married to an aged GP (75) who still works full time and just signed another contract for 5 more years. He is type 2 diabetic, has glaucoma, high cholesterol, and has had stage 4 non Hodgkin lymphoma. That is cured. ‘Dr heal thy self’ and when I question him on his meds and his intake of wrong foods and drinks, he too sulks, just like a little spoilt brat and the only time he ever listens is when I request more tests via his Dr at the same practice. I’m always right, so tell him to sulk like a baby and throw a tantrum and pickup crap around the farm (lots of rescued livestock here). I can guarantee his sulking stops immediately, he hates that job and very quickly gets over it and moves on, muttering to himself about no sympathy from me. Tough love. Mind you, he will probably keep working until he drops because the thought of doing hard manual work is below his dignity but have reminded him numerous times about, my support of, him gliding all over Australia, dragging gliders out of paddocks and trying to locate him when he has no idea where he is so it is time to support me now.
Glaucoma is not the end all, and he will come to terms with it eventually and move on.
Enjoy the quietness while it lasts

If I happen to say I have a pain/ache/sore whatever my DH always butts in with his pain/ache/sore whatever like it is a competition. It is very annoying and a little sympathy would be welcome once in a while. Even before Covid he refused to go to the doctors so I do not show him any sympathy, sorry!

My DH is a number 1 sulker and has been for the last few years. I can say something one day and all is well but say something similar another time and he goes of in a huff and I get the silent treatment for generally around 3 days. I call then his 'teenage girl hissy fits'. He never used to be like this at all but that's life I suppose.

I'm sure you both realise that neither your frustration nor his sulking will make things any easier. He will be anxious and scared no doubt and does need your patient support. Gently take the lead on the immediate practical steps like contacting insurance company if necessary. You need to get further information about what type of glaucoma he has and the proposed treatment. It does sound as though progress of the disease can be slow/slowed with appropriate treatment but he should get accurate information and advice. There are online forums for everything nowadays and he may find joining one gives good advice and support and the opportunity to get answers from people who have lived with it for years. Making some plans for future treats/ holidays may also distract him from the shock and anxiety he's feeling. All the best.

Glaucoma is not a major problem these says.

Is he really 'sulking', worried or do you simply not want to talk to him about his concerns?

I'm pretty certain that you'd be worried if you'd received a similar diagnosis and that you would want to talk about it.

I think it's you that has the problem, show him some compassion, talk, so some research and HELP HIM, don't ridicule him!

I’m sure you’re both very worried about his health but cope indifferent ways. The sulking is irritating but obviously part of his coping mechanism, as is the endless repetition. Hopefully it will soon pass and he’ll be back to telling you all over again! ?

Kimrus that’s brilliant and an eye opener. Even doctors sulk!

My exDH used to sulk for hours. Pointedly, in the same room. I would get on with things, not giving him any attention. I would wait until I could see he was weakening under the effort, then find something funny to say. He would half burst out laughing, try to resume sulk mode unsuccessfully, I would ask if he wanted a cuppa, and normal service would be resumed.

What would I say? Something like, if you pull that face any harder, you’ll end up looking like Ann Widdecombe.

When my DMIL was diagnosed with glaucoma over 30 years ago, driving back from the appointment with her specialist, she said "That's it my life is over". I said "Don't be ridiculous, you have to put drops in twice a day. Do it at 7.30 morning and evening and your life will be just as busy as it has always been." That is what she did and went on to continue her full and happy life into her 90s.

I must be very lucky because mine, despite several very real health problems, is always cheerful and downplays his ailments. I have trouble getting him to admit that he is not always "fine".

Read the insurance policy before you do anything, so often the devil is in the detail of how you frame things when you give information!

Mr Jess20 has glaucoma but it has very little impoact on his life,just requires a few extra hospital visits and daily drops in his eyes.

Why on earth should you/did you apologise!!!! ?

Just don't get that.....

Oh please don’t get me started!?. I love my husband dearly...but when he’s got something wrong with him, there’s absolutely nothing else anyone can have that is as bad as him. I’m sure he’ll be fine. I just gave a little giggle when you said you ‘ rolled your eyes’. Seriously though, I do hope he’s ok. My friend has just been diagnosed with that, and she can’t get it followed up because of covid.