Arranged marriage and no chance to do anything

will you be returning to the UK. what were you studying. what career do you hope for.

So You'll be here with your parents for Christmas. I understood that religion wasn't encouraged in ex communist countries so assume you won't have any family customs to follow, do you go to church?
What about your job? Do you have one? If not, then I think you need to find something to do to fill your time. Even if you have good qualifications its worth taking a low paid job or volunteering for an unpaid one.
I am retired because of my age of course, but I volunteer with the RVS (Royal Voluntary Service) and spend a few hours a week serving hot drinks at our local hospital, and its worth contacting an organisation like that (google will give details) just to fill your mind and chase away your problems for a few hours.
You must be exhausted.
Remember this young man with fond memories, but don't keep in touch with him, as much for his sake as yours. And by all means keep chatting on here, there will always be someone to listen.

You must move on, time will heal.
A cliché but true.

Our friends had an arranged marriage and are as happy as any other couples we know, probably happier than many.

welbeck I finished bachelors. I’m not going to return anymore. I’m not sure that I need masters. I studied business management. So maybe something related to this. Or maybe I’ll still change my mind. I’m working from home for 2 months now. But it’s difficult to work now, I can’t concentrate. But becoming better every day.

ExD you are right, we don’t really have customs and don’t go to the church for Christmas.
Yes, I have a job since recently but it doesn’t help much. Maybe because it’s from home. But last days I almost couldn’t work.

Thank you.

Yes, I still think he is good. And probably he knows what he is doing. And knows that I’ll feel bad with his parents and doesn’t contact me anymore because he understands this. although from some people I hear that he just didn’t love, that’s why.

Good that I can talk with my parents and my dad understands me.

I feel now that it’s so important for couple to not fight, shout , say bad words to each other. I would feel bad if it happens. But I think 90% of people have it. And i don’t want. And don’t know if it’s just luck to meet someone like that.
And I found a person with whom I was happy. And yesterday for all that texted him the last thing that is possible just to let him know. I think I had to do it. Everything else depends on his determination. He’s a good man but if he doesn’t do anything, it means it should be like this then. Determination is important too..

You said ‘ And yesterday for all that texted him’. Look, you have to stop texting him! ‘Just once more’ is once too often.

geekesse You are right probably.

Sash. This only happened a few days ago, you will be sad for a while, its natural and one day you will realise that this was never meant to be. Do not text him, nothing will change.
Its good you can talk with your parents.

Sasha, your boyfriend was wrong to have a love affair with you, knowing that he would never be allowed to marry you or even stay loving towards you.

You are disappointed and this is very hard,but you will find someone more trustworthy.

Try to see it as a learning experience, in that you now know what kind of things are important to you in a relationship, so you can, in time, find love with someone who is committed to you.

How have you been feeling today? Have you texted him?

We lived in the culture you describe for a few years. The younger adults are aware of western culture norms regarding dating and marriage, but the family and societal pressures are too great to overcome when they do marry. I think you are probably right about his mother never accepting you, no matter how good a person you are. I am so sorry your sadness, but hopefully in time, you will come to realize you deserve a lifetime of happiness just because you are you.

Sash you are still waiting for him to answer this is a mistake
You must stop texting and hoping and waiting
It is over
Please don’t consider him a bad man I m sure he fell in love with you and probably couldn’t really stop himself (surely we ve all been there, got involved with people we shouldn’t) he was living and working in a Western country and his own life would seem far away, he was pulled along in the free western ideas, but he has had his eyes opened and realise he cannot go against his family and traditions and he did the right thing, he finished it
The dream for both of you is over, but you will love again and it’s been a big learning curve for you both, he will probably always keep a little bit of you in his heart, as you will too, but it is life it is a normal experience to love and lose is very real for us all
I m sure not many will have married the very first man they fell in love with There is a saying you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince I m sure many people talking to you on here will have had a broken heart when they were young
He was kind loving and attentive to you, what a lovely first love, you will appreciate it one day

Quite a number of us have a story to tell of a love affair that went disastrously wrong. Each of us think our particular story is uniquely sad and heartbreaking - and to us it is.

I know because I have been there, my circumstances were different to yours, but it took me several years to recover. Several years later I met and married someone I still love dearly. I do not love him more or less than my lost love, but I love him differently because he is a different person.

A few years ago I rediscovered my lost love online, when I came across his obituary. It showed that he remained the person I had loved all those years ago, had had a happy marriage. Yes, of course it affected me, and brought back many memories, but the unhappiness the end of that relationship caused passed with time and I made a different life for myself, just as happy - and so will you, but for now you must accept that the relationship has ended and you must stop trying to pretend that by some miracle it can be revived. It is over, finished, dead. You will be deeply unhappy for quite sometime. But kidding yourself that you can keep some semblance of it alive, is only prolonging your agony.

That was a lovely post Monica.

I can see now what’s important for me. But at the same time I feel that because of him I want a lot, and it’ll be difficult to find someone who can fit... also, I started remembering our first meeting and I understood how it will be if I meet someone who I can love again. From the first minutes I wanted to talk with him endlessly (I usually don’t do it). And wanted to not leave him and even wanted to say ok let’s go somewhere now. But I didn’t say and just waited for him to invite me to go somewhere. I wanted to meet him every day even if I was tired and could spend hours like one minute. It was so exciting. Usually I’m lazy to meet guys and say no to everyone...
So, it should be like this when it will be the right person. In addition to this, there should be understanding, trust, loyalty, respect.
I’m not even sure if I will feel something like this again. As it was only with him.

And I just think how stupid and unfair it is. How his mom can do that. How she doesn’t care about him. I’m so sad and disappointed. Because it could be the best relationship but because of his mom there is no chance for them.
I’m really sad about this.

And I can’t imagine, people meet many people but they not always find someone they love. And his parents just give him one choice and he should love her. Is it even possible to love like this? Can someone choose a partner for another?
It’s so unfair

But maybe God is saving me from something. Some people marry and face moms like this. Who then destroy the family. And in those countries, women have nothing after that, can’t even take kids.

I feel better. Just sad and disappointed. He tried again. But it’s the third day when we broke up for sure. The only way is he leaves his parents forever. Which he will not do. Even if he comes here and then we go back to his country, it can be hell for me. I thought about this. And even he thinks that it can be like that. Thank him that he understands this. And now I still sometimes want everything back. But it’s not possible. It’s very sad. Because it’s just mom who doesn’t understand.
Maybe he’s facing something worse than me now. As he will live with not woman of his choice forever.
I’m just trying to move on. Still crying but I have done more than I could already.

BlueBelle You are right. He is very good. I think even now he knows that even if he fights, I may face worse things if I live with his family. Although he tried.
I appreciate that my first love was with trust , respect and loyalty. I see how many people experience toxic and destructive relationship. I’m happy and thank him that mines were so good

But it’s sad because it was so perfect that I thought it should work out no matter what. Im just afraid that I may not meet someone I love again. I never meet anyone like him before. Who I like from the first second and always wanted to be near after the first meeting...

Sash0301 You must accept that different cultures think differently and that his parents are not cruel, unkind or anything else. Your love comes from a culture that looks at our freedoms over love and marriage and the divorces, damaged children, andunhappiness that goes with modern freedoms and sees only results that are abhorrent.

They believe that more happiness comes from marrying within your own community, someone who they consider compatible with you and has the greatest chance of making you happy. Nowadays, both partners have a say in the matter and will not be forced into marrying anyone they are unwilling to marry. The search will just go on until the right person is found.

Many of these marriages are successful and, even if the partners are not 'in love' when they marry, married to a compatible partner of their choice, love does grow.

At the moment you will think that you will love him forever and never have such a relationship again, but you will, I know it is upsetting to know, but time will heal.

M0nica I just feel like if we love each other so much and everything was so perfect. It could be happy marriage. Because of so much respect and love. But because of his mom it’s impossible.

And they don’t give choice to him. They already told him who he will marry. She told him she’s good and she will see and like her. And expect him to say only yes. Because now when he said no he doesn’t want it, she started crying and said he’s the worst person. I think even if she says no in the future, he still will not have any choice.

I just woke up now and thinking that I will never see him again, nothing will happen again. Feels like the end of life. I cannot understand why it happens to me and I’m so unlucky.

Yes, it is unfortunate, but many of us have been through doomed relationships. In the end you will recover.

sash0301 Your disappointment is very palpable at the moment. You probably feel hurt, discarded and that will never find a love like that again.

I was in love with someone like you once before I met my DH. The difference was that my DH stayed, was consistent and loyal. Actions speak much louder than words.

It's because he was always there for me, that the real love grew, which takes time.

You have to love yourself first and foremost and accept that in the end, your bf couldn't (for whatever reason) be there for you.

The process of letting go takes time and you have to grieve what wasn't to be. Just nurture yourself, grieve the loss and don't think ahead too much. Life has a strange way if falling into place when we don't try to hard to make things happen.

My daughter has children with Muslim partner. His family don't know about her or them. Always worried about what family will do if they find out. Wondering what to tell the children when they are older and start asking questions. It will be better for you in the long term that you are not together. I know, I worry for my grandchildren and my daughter. Be strong and be sure to choose someone that you can share family with.

Grandmashome Maybe God helps me now. But it’s very painful to understand that it was love but we can’t be together.

And I wish your daughter has a happy life. And that his parents will accept her or just won’t know, I don’t know what is better but hopefully everything will be good. At least if they are happy now, enjoy it and everything will work out.

Grandmashome that is very sad. Keeping such a big secret is fraught with problems. I really don’t know what to say other than to wish them well,