Mother in law has not given step granddaughter gift

Do nothing don’t react to her as that will be what she thrives on but cut this toxic influence out from you and her
Grandchildren’s life now . You have all the power here she has no rights and deserves none by the sound of it.
Surround the children with loving influences not ones that can hurt them.

I haven't seen a cheque in about 15 years. People really still use them? Even my 89 year old FIL knows electronic banking.

The cheque is for the child. Send it to child's parents. Not your call to make.

So why would you want to upset an elderly person returning a present especially at Christmas with terse notes? Surely there is a nicer way to show that you treat the children equally and hope others will too. Your mother in law might have felt as the child wasn't related to her that it would be stepping on someone else's toes.

RosieJ18

Do nothing don’t react to her as that will be what she thrives on but cut this toxic influence out from you and her
Grandchildren’s life now . You have all the power here she has no rights and deserves none by the sound of it.
Surround the children with loving influences not ones that can hurt them.

Oh, for goodness's sake!

I haven't seen a cheque in about 15 years. People really still use them? Even my 89 year old FIL knows electronic banking.

Not every elderly person does electronic banking.
Some dont have computers so well done to your FIL.

However, the fact that she has signed a cheque probably means she is very elderly, perhaps she is thinking thos is the baby's starting sum for a bank account.

We have an extremely elderly relative, he always gives money and includes the step-child too but he is still very much 'on the ball'.

I am amazed by how many suggest actions that are basically playing games!!

Why on earth is it so difficult to just have a conversation as per my earlier suggestion? The premise being that MIL is being allowed to make her own choice AND take full responsibility for it and the OP is also making her own choice and taking responsibility for it. Not saying anything breeds resentment and 'retaliatory" unkindness. Rowing just creates unnecessary drama, least of all when it isn't actually the OPs decision who MIL gives a cheque to! The OPs decision is just about whether she will participate in something she doesnt agree with!!

The last cheques I wrote were yesterday both to charities.
I am not that old, but don’t have a clue how to transfer money through the ether! Maybe it’s time I reluctant give it a go...

I’m sure it’s all been said, and I haven’t read all the posts...but she sounds horrible. Poor little girl. It’s lovely you have embraced her as yours?. I would, and have done this before, so it’s not just words, as Lolo said right at the beginning....send the money back, and tell her why. I do hope you all have as good a time as possible. We don’t need people like this in our lives.

When we had our babies .my mil sent the girls a knitted suit .when my son was born .one of my hubby’s uncles took an envelope with quite a lot of money inside .and gave it to me at the hosp . When. I asked was it for the 3 children .the reply was no .just for your son.well I gave the
The envelope back.and told them to stick it , I was thinking back a few months later hid wrong it was .but when I found out .hoe much money it was .I wished I had kept it and shared between the 3 children.so what I’m trying to say it except it and share between the 2 children .I would reply and casually say thank you the children are really happy with your present .?

i would give the cheque back with a note saying i have TWO grandchildren......

My granddaughter has two children age 9 and 5 years, the girl being the youngest.Her mother in law their grandmother has always treated them differently, spending huge amounts on the boy. The girl getting dirty used toys from a charity shop. My GD always buys something extra to make the gifts equal. The boy had started to notice and last Christmas he said something to his GM about it,she was so embarrassed, so I hope she realized what she was doing was not right and has changed her ways this year. As in Agusann;s situation, I find it very sad that a child can be treated in such a cruel way.

We had exactly the same with my mother. She preferred girls and as soon as my daughter was born my son, two years old, was ignored, criticised and left out of present giving. We said buy for both or neither. She grudgingly did so but only after many many reminders and her response, ‘ you’re making a fuss over nothing’

I’ve never forgiven her nor has my son as he realised at a young age that she didn’t care for him and as an adult has decided to cut her out of his life and won’t let her see his son, her only GGS.

I would try to nip this in the bud now and explain the possible consequences is she doesn’t act now.

What a cruel git of a woman. I would tell her several things, making sure I have an audience, so she cannot lie about it later, about what I think of the situation: namely, that she is being nasty to a child who cannot defend herself; that it is not blood that makes relatives; that favoritism is just not on. I would not be rude, so that my "witness" would be able to attest to it, later. I would keep calm and composed, and tell her that if she wants to give just one child a cheque, but not the other, she can jolly well post it to him herself, because I will not aid and abet her in this pathetic game of hers. Because she has done this once, and so she will keep on doing it again and again, using you as her servant, come birthdays or Easters or Christmases...

It is very cruel and unfair to level this little girl out
When my children were very young and I had gone through a divorce, we lived in the next street to my mother,
My mother was bringing my sisters daughter up ,same age as my daughter,
That first Christmas on my own, we were not invited to my parents,we had egg and chips for dinner and I could only manage to buy them a small gift,their father didn't get them anything,
The lions, or Round table I forget which delivered some toys for them
I went to see my parents on Boxing day with my children ,only to see my niece with a big dolls pram, a doll and lots of small presents,I was heartbroken when my daughter touched the pram and was told not to,
Mine got a selection box
I have never forgotten or forgiven that incident,
Both parents are dead now of course ,but every year this comes into my thoughts,so I know how hurtful this is for you OP and I would give the cheque back, I didn't say much at the time but wish I had,
There were other occasions similar happened
I really feel for you

I'm sorry this is upsetting to you. If we look at it logically (without excuse) you may be able to have a less wounded feeling and possibly a few can learn from it. Your MIL grew up during a time when people didn't discuss "problems" such as divorce, abuse, mixed families. Some individuals, such as your MIL, have not acclimated to current times. They've not updated their understanding of what the world looks like today. I too have a Step-grandson. So many people asked me when my DIL had the baby how happy I was about finally being a grandma. My answer was always, "I've been a grandma since they married. The eldest is my first grandson and the youngest is my first grand baby." Either way, you are blessed to have them.

Madgran77 has got it totally right!

Say nothing because you are angry and upset at the moment but don't cash the cheque. If you are eventually ask why, you can explain why you thought it was unfair to treat children in the same family so differently.

I have done this on occasions but do far never get asked why the cheque not cashed, which also says something

Completely agree with vampirequeen. Take the dosh, pocket it for both and tell her that is what you have done and will do if she decides to send any more in future. Do not enter into her games. I have watched for years this happening to several friends where one child is favoured over another, (one time because the Grandmother didn't think that one of the children looked like her son!) it only causes heartache, yours. Speak plain, speak clear that this behaviour is not acceptable and you want no more to do with it. Mothers lose their influence over the years and for some it is an unbearable loss of power.
We can all enjoy seeing happiness in all children, even when they aren't our own, all of them deserve love.

Ask her why she did it!

What age is MiL. Is she old and forgetful?

This post and the comments really rang bells with me. I was divorced with a young son when I married my DH. My mil wouldn't accept my son as part of the family.- in fact he had to call her Mrs S-. Once, when my son was aged about 9 she was telling us about all the things she had bought her 2 biological GC - no expense spared- eventually she turned to my son and said she had something for him too. It was a pencil! And my poor wee son took it and said " thank you very much Mrs S ...." It broke my heart. She really was an unpleasant woman but ended her life lonely and bitter and estranged from most of her family.
I am pleased to say that my DH is a wonderful GD to his 2 step GCs although the word "step" is never used by us.
I have no answers to the OP but I feel angry and hurt on her behalf having been in a similar position myself.

My grandmother bought gifts for all her well off grandchildren but not for us...not even cards on our birthdays. We all did well in life, despite her lack of interest. Now, as a doting Nan, my heart aches for what my dear Mum must have thought about that. She must have been very hurt; I know either of my daughters would be. I’d send the cheque back. If she takes offence.... tough. It might make her reflect on her bad behaviour.

I hope you do not react to your MIL, but give the little girl a present as from her, and persuade the little girl to write a Thank You letter? That could get the desired effect?

I think you just have to do what you think is right, you are not responsible for your MIL, nor her behaviour, if it was me I would treat both children the same. My MIL has always openly discriminated in favour of her daughter's children against mine (her son's) paying for extras and larger presents, driving lessons etc, her logic was that she knows for sure her daughter's children are her grandchildren, but she only has my word for it that her son is the father of my children!!( he is!!) I used to get upset by it but now I just feel sorry for her, we have been married for 30 years and I know she won't change, she is a horrible bitter woman and now they are all adults all bar one of her 7 grand children visit her.

I wonder if any of the other 'blood' relatives (grandparents etc.) of the step child have all sent equal presents to the new baby and if the OP has investigated this and is also ranting about it!!! I view this as a new baby cheque and, as the OP is not the parent, it is quite frankly nothing to do with her.