Mother in law has not given step granddaughter gift

Don`t give her the satisfaction of her knowing you aren`t happy about it.
At least the child won`t notice.

Your post is not clear to me. Are you upset because she gave a Xmas gift to the new child only? Or have you considered that this was not a Xmas gift but a gift for the birth of the new grandchild?

Its a nasty thing to do. But its not up to the OP to not oass the gift on, shes just an intermediary, leave it up to the parents.

Good advice from vampire queen, just share the amount equally.
Or just don’t bank the cheque.
I wouldn’t send it back.
Nowt so queer as folk sometimes, just don’t give this an important place in your life.
Enjoy you Christmas.

My daughter already had a 9 year old when she married. Her lovely mother in-law (now dead, sadly) always treated her as part of the family.
But I want to make another point. After suffering years of infertility, my husband and I adopted a baby. My mother never really accepted him, but my lovely parents-in-law did,
and treated him like a grandson. Then I became pregnant four years later My mother behaved differently to what she saw as her "real" grandchild. I am afraid she saw little of us or our children and spent a lonely old age

The 5 year old is Your step grand daughter, but is she related to the MIL? If not and if she doesn’t see her, then maybe she doesn’t know her well enough to gift her anything and is only giving to her family.
Not all blended families see each other regularly or are accepted by everyone else.
Maybe we need more info?

I've had similar issues with my mother and my younger son.
I actually have 2 sons (24 & 31) but the elder one has lived with my mother since he was 10 and I've not had a lot to do with her over the past 10yrs.
I have a sister who has 3 children but if anyone talks to my mother she says she has 4 grandchildren. When I confronted her about it she said it's because he's mine, I've argued that I have 2 sons but she says that it's because he takes my side in my arguments with her and that the elder is more like her child and not really mine!
Regardless of my lack of a relationship with her, there is absolutely no reason for her to treat my son like an outcast but still she does and has done all his life and he actually IS her blood!
The only thing she does do is send him a card at Christmas but even this seems to be a struggle for her. Unfortunately, my son has seen how differently she's treated his brother and cousins his whole life which has upset him but now he's an adult himself he's accepted that it's her that's in the wrong, he's done nothing to deserve being left out, so he's not bothered anymore, it's me that's been angry about it. Now I just see her as non-existent, she was vile to me my whole life and she's now doing a scaled down version of that to my gorgeous son, so I'm not letting her get to me any longer, we don't need her poison in our lives.

I’m with @madgran - several pages back - don’t get involved with the games, ask her to send it directly to the parents.

My niece is now a stepmother, last Christmas we sent a chocolate Santa for the stepdaughter and she was absolutely delighted - it really IS the thought that counts! And equally, being left out counts as well!

My ex-MiL has not sent either of mine a card or a present since the separation (both were at primary school then). She'd see them when their paths crossed at their dad's. As her other child subsequently died, I doubt she sees much of that family either. Her loss, she has missed out on the most gorgeous GGD, my adorable DGD.

I agree it is mean-spirited not to give her SGGD a present at Christmas.

Leaving money in a Will is perhaps a different thing in some cases. However, you are then possibly talking about large or largish amounts of money. Every family is different and I have no real experience of this situation.

Denying a small child a little Christmas gift is downright mean and not something I would do.

Just a year ago, we gained 3 step grandsons, as our daughter married a lovely man with 3 young sons.

Including our natural children we now have 2 daughters and 7 grandchildren.

We bought them all Christmas presents, welcomed our new extended family with open arms and kisses.

My heart is big enough for them all.

Like others, I don’t know why she didn’t give the cheque to the baby’s parents. Did she give a gift to your granddaughter in previous Christmases?

I would be inclined to nip this in the bud, tactfully and without anger, as, if this becomes the norm, your granddaughter will begin to notice that she is being treated differently. If the cheque was only given to you to pass on, then it would maybe be best to return it, saying you’re not comfortable with only giving to one child.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but your MIL is an absolute bitch.

Good idea to cash it and share it, and then be amazed that she could be so unkind if she ever finds out and comments . How people can be mean to children just beats me - whatever the blood relationship - or not - surely, treat them all the same and share the love. What a hard heart she must have - or a swinging brick in the place of one!

Angusann - what does your husband say about his mother? You went no contact with her for 5 years, how did she come back into your life?

"We don’t have a close relationship so I can’t even say anything to her our she would create major fuss."
Surely, that should read 'I will pull her up on that and she will strop and we can go no-contact again, I'm done with her this time.' Seriously - so what if she makes a fuss? You're not her hostage, so why are you behaving like she must be placated? Has she some hold over you that you haven't mentioned?

There are a lot of posts about awful MILs and Grans but this isn't either. It is a Great gran, who may have forgotten, not be sure or simply think that the birth of her Great Grandchild and his first Christmas was something she wanted to celebrate. I think age and a different generation is something you have to take into account. You can change an older person's thinking more by showing them how accepted and loved a blended family is than by telling them they are an awful GG and they have to include a stepchild.

Trisher ???

I would add granddaughters name to the card and share the cheque between both of them and when you see her next tell her what you did and add i know you must have just forgotten
in these crazy times Thankyou so much really kind of you etc etc !!!
my moto is always try to be the better person karma will do the rest ????

trisher ?

I have two older step grandchildren and a full grandchild in one family. My step grandchildren get presents from their mum’s parents, their dads parents and us, their step grandparents, while my grandchild just receives presents from their mum’s parents and us, their dad’s parents. It’s a positive minefield.

Perhaps she thought that the little girl’s bio grandparents would be buying for her, but not the baby?

I think this is out of proportion. Its very difficult navigating step families. I know many grandparents that recognize birth grandchildren but forget step grandchildren. Very unintentionally, without a clue. I see it in aunts and uncles too. My own family included. I think we have to stop worrying about it. Life isn't gifts and fairness. Life just is. If there is notable upsetness its actually an opportunity to talk about life, people, differences, how its not a reflection of them but actually a reflection of the other person. Believe me, my family has regularly "missed" this boat. Its just a reality of life. Besides, gifts are just gifts. Thats all they should be.

My Grandson married a girl with two children last year their baby girl was born this year, my great granddaughter.
It never occurred to me not to buy christmas presents for my step great grandchildren.As far as we are all concerned our grandson’s sept-children are our family and would never be left out of anything.
The children are 9 and 14 so would definitely notice their little sister getting more presents than then.
Your MIL is being sorry can’t think of a word that actually relates to how I feel about your MIL ?

It sounds like she’s never been very nice, so she’s unlikely to change now. I presume she’s fairly elderly, being a great grandmother. I would agree with posters who say the money should go back, but it should, in my opinion, be the parents who do it. They, the parents, should definitely tell her why they’re doing it as well. If it hurts her, so be it. What goes around and all that. Your MIL may surprise them, and be really sorry, and not meant it to be like that at all. You never know.

I’d be tempted to buy the sweet 5 year old a nice gift from MIL
and when the little one thanks her she may enjoy the thanks and do better next year.No point saying anything only cause trouble don’t need more stress this Year ( she won’t live for ever,sorry that sounds unkind but true)