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Erectile dysfunction

(10 Posts)
Goodynanny Mon 04-Jan-21 02:57:04

My partner has erectile dysfunction caused by diabetes 2, drinking far too much and being overweight. He says he’s depressed and upset about this. I’ve tried to help by encouraging him to eat healthier, drink less (much less) and talking to his gp.
He makes half hearted attempts but never sees anything through.
Ive told him I don’t care so much about the sex but I really miss the intimacy, the cuddles and kisses. He now won’t even let me see him naked and we’re sleeping apart. We’ve only been together three years.
I’m feeling unloved and undesirable. Can this relationship survive?

Nonogran Mon 04-Jan-21 09:53:50

Good morning Goodynanny
Without any physical loving at all, for example hugs, kisses, walking hand in hand, signs of appreciation and so on, what have you become to him? A housekeeper?

Grandma11 Mon 04-Jan-21 10:29:56

You could seek help and advice from Relate, either as a Couple, or for yourself as a partner. This can be via literature, Books, leaflets, contact numbers for advice lines, or by seeing one of their trained Counsellors face to face. Your Husband may also find it useful to be checked over by a urologist, and any physical causes treated or ruled out. As a Diabetic man, he would also be entitled to free treatment on prescription, of which there are many types, not just Viagra. The chances are that he's feeling very angry with himself that his body is letting him down in this way, and is feeling unworthy of your affections, hence he has given up somewhat as he sees himself as a bit of a burden, and doesn't want to pester you knowing that he has little chance of giving you full lovemaking like he used to do. Relate can help with these feelings too, as part of Couple counselling, and setting small tasks for you both to try as 'Homework' between sessions, which can be very helpful.

Esspee Mon 04-Jan-21 10:36:14

I don’t think the relationship will survive unless he changes. Perhaps you need to let him know this. It might just be what is needed to get him to change his ways.
A sexless relationship doesn’t have to be a problem but a loveless relationship is doomed. IMHO.

timetogo2016 Mon 04-Jan-21 10:39:26

Essppee is spot on,i can`t add to that great advice.

Puzzled Thu 07-Jan-21 12:26:19

Sex is important in a relationship.
A 80 y o widow told me "If the sex is good, the marriage is good"
ED is a problem that besets many men as they age, but not helped by lifestyle or diabetes.
It does sap their confidence, so he needs encouragement, in any form that you see fit, whether talk or demonstrations

Viagra, or Cialis may not work in your case.
As a diabetic he should be eligible for either an electric vacuum pump, (With a ring to go on after the pump has done its work) or just an elastic ring, to be prescribed.
The results can be almost instant!

The least, without a prescription, is that you would save the VAT. Hopefully the GP will prescribe as a treatment.
If you can persuade him to talk to his GP, and try out the aids, it should restore some of his self esteem, and hopefully bring you both pleasure, and improved health.
Genesis Medical are one supplier of such aids.
Hope that this helps

Puzzler61 Thu 07-Jan-21 12:30:56

Espee’s post is the same as mine would be advice-wise.
Keep discussing with him and I hope you can find a solution.

David0205 Thu 07-Jan-21 12:39:29

A loveless relationship is doomed, all it takes is a cuddle and a kiss if that is not happening I don’t give much hope. He really does need to try Viagra or Cialis they do work, along with an enthusiastic partner of course, then you might start sleeping together again.

CBrown Fri 15-Jan-21 13:59:17

Goodynanny

My partner has erectile dysfunction caused by diabetes 2, drinking far too much and being overweight. He says he’s depressed and upset about this. I’ve tried to help by encouraging him to eat healthier, drink less (much less) and talking to his gp.
He makes half hearted attempts but never sees anything through.
Ive told him I don’t care so much about the sex but I really miss the intimacy, the cuddles and kisses. He now won’t even let me see him naked and we’re sleeping apart. We’ve only been together three years.
I’m feeling unloved and undesirable. Can this relationship survive?

Erectile Dysfunction is a common sexual dysfunction in men, and can be quite hard to deal with, for both partners.

At the moment, it seems like your partner might be dealing with severe insecurity issues about this, which could be triggering his feelings of depression, and this is perfectly normal.

If you're worried about your relationship surviving, the best thing to do would be to keep supporting him and being patient until he starts to feel more confident within himself again.

In the meantime, you may feel unloved, but just remember it's not personal, he's just battling with his own issue and this should pass soon.

Here is some more useful information on Erectile Dysfunction and some natural remedies that can help: www.vivastreet.co.uk/blog/how-to-cure-erectile-dysfunction-at-home/

I hope this helps and things get better soon x

Chesterarthur Sun 17-Jan-21 00:04:59

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