Erectile dysfunction

You sound like my wife

Can this relationship survive? No, wirhout intimacy, no. Wirhout sex, yes.

FOUR YEAR OLD THREAD - WHY RESURRECT

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I hope they give the op a hard time.

Love the deleted posts username!!

Surprised this thread is still here.

MichaelGransnet

Thanks for the reports. We've deleted the spam and banned the spammer. We'll lock this thread in a mo.

That didn't work Michael!

Reported.

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Blossoming

Don’t feed the trolls folks, this is an old thread to which a scam advert link has been posted.

That advice was a waste of time then...?

Don’t feed the trolls folks, this is an old thread to which a scam advert link has been posted.

Goodynanny

My partner has erectile dysfunction caused by diabetes 2, drinking far too much and being overweight. He says he’s depressed and upset about this. I’ve tried to help by encouraging him to eat healthier, drink less (much less) and talking to his gp.
He makes half hearted attempts but never sees anything through.
Ive told him I don’t care so much about the sex but I really miss the intimacy, the cuddles and kisses. He now won’t even let me see him naked and we’re sleeping apart. We’ve only been together three years.
I’m feeling unloved and undesirable. Can this relationship survive?

If you can talk about it openly on Gransnet then you can talk to a councillor. Go to one on your own first then ask him if he would like to come with you.
When he sees you are not embarrassed or upset by his problem and or going to talk to others, even if you are acting ,it might make him feel more confident and less embarrassed. Who knows what might happen if he feels the pressure is off.
I think like others say you have to show love in a different way.

Lack of penetrative sex won't necessarily kill a marriage - lack of affection and intimacy almost certainly will.

A full and happy sex life can be had, without penetration - there are many ways to give and receive physical and emotional pleasure.

Perhaps, first of all, he should see a GP, for help with his depression, alcohol intake and weight problems.

This problem seems to stem from those things. He could also ask his GP's advice about his ED.

Good luck with sorting it out.

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Oh I totally disagree with your little mantra puzzled
“ If the sex is good the marriage is good” I ve been with some good sexual partners but they ve not been good relationships

Good luck * goodynanny* until he accepts his problem and acknowledges it your on a loser I hope for you both he gets some help and can at least show love if not have sex

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Ask yourself do you want this relationship to survive even if it entails no sex and little expression of love?

Your partner won't change unless he wants to, deep down inside.

Yes, you can try to help him, and if you decide to stay you have a long hard road ahead.

He needs professional advice to stop drinking and to start eating a diet that is healthy, and honestly the advice might be taken from a professional, from you he is likely to feel you are nagging. (You aren't, you are expressing concern and making sensible suggestions, but does he see it like that?)

Sit down and have a long honest talk with yourself, then with him afterwards once you know what you really want to do.

If he won't stop drinking (which might in itself help his erectile disfunction), start eating sensibly and give you some kind of affection in place of sex, then I am afraid your relationship is not going to be any fun at all. I am loth to say, "Get out while the going is good", but it might just be the only option you have.

I am in a similar situation my OH is 12 years older than me and has type 2 diabetes he’s been using viagra successfully for a few years but since being given gabapentin for fibromyalgia the viagra doesn’t work. He also has Aspergers so sex was really the only time he showed any physical love towards me, there are no hugs kisses or I love you’s unless I do them. I love him and would hate to think at 53 that’s it for me.

Lovetopaint sums it all up, the really important thing is kissing and cuddling, caring for each other, holding hands. It might be the menopause or prostate trouble or any other illness that ends sex, demonstrating that you “care” in other ways makes life just as nice.

Thing is ..... ED doesn't mean no sex, it just means no penetration. A man can still achieve full satisfaction without an erection and is capable of satisfying his partner without penetration.

Give very encouragement, in any form that you see fit from words to deeds. Don't give up. Dismiss any failures, as of little consequence, but a reason to try again.
Stage manage exciting things / places / times that are untried until now.
"If at first you don't succeed"
Every success, however small (no pun) will give confidence.
Things may not be exactly as they were before, but both need to remember that half a loaf is better than none.

Good luck

It happened to my dh in our early sixties. He thought at first that he couldn’t cuddle me in case it started something and I would be disappointed. I then I said not to worry as kissing and cuddling is so important. That is what we have made a point of doing for years now. Little things, always give each other a kiss before even going out for the shortest time. It’s the looking after each other in so many little ways.

My husband has this problem too but isn’t acknowledging it ☹️We do other things which he seems happy with but not the same as the ‘real’ thing for me I’d be happy to forget about it but he gets moody if go too long without anything ?