Articles from MIL’s house

This thread has made me feel quite guilty as I am the hoarder having read a book many years ago entitled Don't Throw Anything Away as it might come in useful some time. My parents and inlaws were not hoarders but lots of things in their houses I thought I might have a use for sometime and kept. In fact I do use MiL's poole pottery casserole dish with a handle every time I make a casserole and it is very useful. We do have a big house so there is room for everything but I now feel it will be a terrible task for the next generation to sort. I must get busy !

When my Mum died in 2012 I brought lots of her things home, all memories to me and sentimental attachment. Now, 8 years later, I find I can slowly part with these things and have come to the conclusion it was all part of my grieving process. It is hard to simply "dispose of" someone's whole life as soon as they've died. Let him grieve in his own way first.

Well his mother has passed away so I can understand that he would want certain things coming into the house, and why shouldn’t he,it’s his house too, I’m sure you can come to some sort of arrangement when my parents died I had quite a bit of their items come into the house, my husband wasn’t a bit bothered he loved my parents too, things don’t have to be on show, I would be more concerned that my husband was ok than worried about what he wanted to bring back, there are always ways and means, hopefully you can come to some agreement,

I can never see the point in putting things in a loft.Have you room somewhere in the house for him to keep the items if they're not big.perhaps he could make a nice memory box.He will perhaps have another sort out later on and get rid of some books perhaps,but he won't if they're up in the loft

If this is recent, maybe it's too raw still for him to get rid of his mother's stuff...going through it would be part of the grief process. Could you agree to it coming temporarily and with a time limit...so he can choose a certain amount to keep.

I had a suitcase full of Biba dresses from the early seventies and a few years ago my DH threw out the suitcase without looking to see what was inside. They might have actually been worth something, but certainly reminded me of my youth and I grumbled for years until I did a similar thing last year. I gave a load of books to the charity shops but one of the books was written by a dambusters pilot called Alan Scott. It had been signed by him. It was only when Alan Scott died recently that my husband went looking for the book and I realised that we no longer had it. I feel awful about it, so neither of us moans about our precious lost items anymore!

You say "our house", but your post reads like it is to be your hojse only. Of course he shoukd be abke to have things he wants where he can see them. There needs to be a compromise such as sone rooms how you want them and some for him.
I imagine he finds your minimalism as annoying as you find his clutter.

Afraid not so. I’m not talking shoe box here . A lot of our rooms have his stuff in them already.

Coco1

Afraid not so. I’m not talking shoe box here . A lot of our rooms have his stuff in them already.

Why not?

If you didn't have your stuff in the rooms and he didn't have his stuff in the rooms they would be bare.

Not a good idea to keep photos in the loft. Upstairs is ok, but photos can get damaged in a loft. To do with temperature, humidity etc . As for the rest, don't hang on to it for 20+ years like me. They may just deteriorate too, then no use to anyone. Sell stuff if you can. Keep important things like photos. The letters he chucked - I would still be heartbroken. ?

He already has an awful lot of his things in and out of the house - garage and shed and the shelves are full of his books with a few of mine.

My husband is a hoarder got his mother’s old golf trolley non of the grandchildren will play it till they are years older .He’s got her books under the bed and so much smells of cigarette smoke yuck I’m slowly chucking it out my children don’t want it only stuff and they won’t have time to clear it out

Fortunately our house is big enough and has so much storage space that we can keep vast amounts of 'stuff' without it impacting on our lives. Every now and again we have a clear out and even as I write there are a dozen boxes of old toys, books and other paraphernalia awaiting a trip to the charity shops. I'm far from being a hoarder, I simply don't have time to deal with stuff piecemeal so bung it in a drawer, cupboard or up in the huge (shelved) attic storeroom until I have time to sort through it.

I have no sentimental attachments, but I keep a folder of special cards and letters, mainly from our children, so that when they are sorting through our stuff after we're gone they will know that I valued them enough to keep them.

My husband seems to have a set of rules just for himself. Everything he possesses which actually is not very much and should have been binned years ago is his, not to be thrown away. to get an old pair of slippers off him is a work of art. Me well I have collected what my girls called took for years. When downsizing my youngest set me up on Etsy to shed what I needed to say goodbye to. I have sold over 2400 items plus a few more, and the joy of it is I still buy and select what I will keep and what I can wave goodbye to. You also collect friendly people to chat to across the globe. A lucrative hobby, so whoop his stuff up and one by one sell it on. He will not notice it has even taken flight.

I admit to being a terrible hoarder. Every time I try to have a clearout I spend ages looking through stuff, get sentimental over it and end up keeping 99% of it. I need to downsize as I live alone in a huge house which is full of stuff. Lots of it belonged to my ex but is now mine to do with as I please, but I even struggle getting rid of that in case my kids want any of it. When my DM died (almost 10 years ago) I brought a car load of stuff back and meant to sort through the photos and scan some for my brother and uncle but I didn't get far with that. This thread has got me thinking and I really must look through the photos again. Maybe I'll find the time during lockdown now I'm retired too.

The Antique Road Show often has things people find in the attic of a house they have just moved into !

As someone who is not a hoarder but does hold dear some sentimental items. I involuntary shudder when I read some of you 'get rid' of your spouse's 'stuff'. This is because my DH does this too. He's 'gotten rid' of a number of cherished items of mine. Such as his letters to me during our courtship (which I would have liked to show my grandchildren), a small number of vinyl records collected since childhood, a couple of books given to me from dear friends (now departed), all without my knowledge I hasten to add. I could go on. It sounds like I have mountains of stuff but I am very selective about what I keep. The thing that particularly strikes fear into my heart is when he decides to 'tidy' up the garage/study/attic etc because it inevitably means that MY stuff is going to be junked. I guess he doesn't place much store by sentimental objects. Good job I love him!

You don't say how long it is since his mum died. My mum died a couple of years ago and I brought loads of her things back to our house. Now I'm just about ready to get rid of those things. Please don't rush his grieving process.

Like Luckynan I've come to the conclusion that life really is too short to waste having arguments about my husband's boarding habit. He's as bad as as the worst examples here and in a way it brings me comfort to know I'm not the only one. Although he drives me mad, we never know what's round the corner and I think I would be full of regret if he wasn't here any more and I'd wasted so much time and energy shouting at him. Like others, I have to content myself by surreptitiously "helping" him move things on, and keeping the place as ordered as I can....?

We all need to sort out our stuff. Throw away anything you have not used or looked at in last two years. It can be very painful for families to have to decide which things are sentimental and which important in the weeks after your death.

Buy the shelves and storage containers before anything come into the house.

www.bigdug.co.uk/storage-boxes-containers-c363

In my office I have shelves attached to the wall and 24 see through plastic boxes. these have memorabilia, personal history, travel souvenirs etc. I am sure your husband has a garae wall or some other space he can clear and then put up the seves and the boxes are his to fill as he wishes.

SPELLING SORRY - I am sure your husband has a garage wall or some other space he can clear and then put up the shelves and the boxes are his to fill as he wishes.

My husband still has a hand-cranking air raid siren in the loft and we’ve moved twice! I wonder if I could use it at the end of lockdown to sound the all clear. I must admit he has less stuff than me but at least if he moans about it I can remind him of the siren. I have found I like less clutter since lock down as it is easier to clean without it. I got rid of a lot of antiques when I married and would hate to have stuff in the house that I didn’t like, we tend to choose things together.

What is it with men and hoarding.

Mine won’t let go of hardly anything either.
He also can’t refuse a freebie. If anyone gives him something for nothing, he takes it, no questions asked. It doesn’t matter if he wants it or needs it, he will take it.

Consequently, our house is cluttered up with a lot of useless rubbish. He was recently given a huge Yamaha digital piano.
Between the two of us we managed to get it up the spiral staircase only to find it didn’t work. Now I have this huge monstrosity taking up valuable space in my spare bedroom and I am feeling very angry and annoyed about it.

Moving house so finally emptied out bulging loft, have chosen about 30%of my beloved books to lose, now sitting in binbags with all trustworthy charities closed, bag after bag if clothes to charities before they shut, ridiculous amount to skip, and now my mum and brother have died within a few weeks of each other... A whole new house full to wrench things from and try to narrow down, so hard... But, I will not clutter new house, so must try and be firm with myself. It is not easy, but it is good to feel able to let things go, especially to a good charity. I think childhoods can affect one's need to feel secure surrounded by possessions. Sometimes sorting through these issues with a gentle, kind person can help.