Lockdown Marriage/relationshi ps...be honest, be brave.

Luckygirl

It is not as easy as our OP is saying - I am glad that he has worked out a way forward for himself and his wife, but he is clearly in privileged circumstances, having sufficient equity on the house for them both to acquire reasonable homes for each. Many are not like this, or have children.

I also think it is about expectations. He clearly had a happy relationship with his wife until he started to scrutinise it in detail and decided he wanted something better - in what way better I wonder.

I have found that one of the most important lessons in life is to accept that perfection (in any sphere of life) is not how the world works. And that pursuing this relentlessly is the road to unhappiness.

Many couples from middle age onwards rub along together nicely - not suffused with wild passion, but finding peace in their later years in shared memories and mutual support. If that is not for you OP then that is fine; but those who do regard that as satisfactory find their happiness in other ways, and encouragement to part because it can be done will not add to the sum of human happiness.

It may not be absence of bravery on their part, but simply a realistic view of life and all its imperfections. Good for them I say.

Excellent post, Luckygirl - very calm and sensible.

Lots of things aren't easy for others, because we're all different.
Our circumstances vary, our finances vary.

Did I miss something? Nowhere on his post did he mention about dating? I thought him to be pretty brave and honest to actually discuss this with us all.

Luckygirl I think the point is while they were both out and about working all was pretty good but being on their own together made them realise it wasn’t working. Their solution might not be for everyone but it’s a perfectly valid one.
I didn’t think the post was patronising
Why I ask again is it wrong for a 54 year old man to post on GN ? Nobody has explained that one to me!

I'd like to know the answer to that question too Lucca. Not everyone who posts on GN is a GM, a woman or a GP. The OP is a GF so what's the problem?

Not a brilliant first impression of GN is it.

Smiless your post made me smile....a plethora of acronyms !! Agreed, not everyone on GN is even a parent !

I did just that Spiritoo67 and never looked back.
I was married to x for 32 years,together for 36.
The best thing i ever did.
I wish you both a very happy future.

I agree Newatthis , there`s just no need.
He was brave bless him.

Message deleted by Gransnet as it repeats a previously deleted post. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What a horrible lot of comments on here if they can’t find anything nice to say don’t bother. Lucky u I’m dreaming of freedom away from pain and trauma but starting the battle of finances very soon all underhanded stuff no tax paid or declared. I have good friends to help me through and a peaceful home of my own now with my dog. I long to just have normal life after all this and holiday I hope. In these tough times why are people on here so unpleasant I can never understand it and we are not all over 70 on here. Good luck and happiness is what u should wish the guy.

I think that was a good post Spiritof67 and allowed us a window to look into your life. The lockdown has shown many people a thing or two about their lives and also relationships, so an awful pandemic but many people faced up to a few home truths.
You are fortunate that yourself and your soon to be ex are financially in a position to both get new properties and move forward into a future where you can find happiness and have the kind of life you both seem to want.
I agree for sure that with you both being in your 50's what is the point of bumbling along nicely but not having much feeling for each other you are both young enough for a fresh start.
I see you got a few negative comments and someone even mentioned that Gransnet is not a dating site which we know it isn't but you put up an honest post it was okay to me.

I wish you all the best in your mutually agreed decision. You have been very honest and brave. I cannot for the life of me think why OP on GN thinking you were perhaps looking for a date or anything else for that matter. You've come on here as any female would have probably without being questioned, poured your heart out and look how you have been treated by some posters. Just dreadful. Talk about equality . Give it up your dreadful people.

Smileless2012

I'd like to know the answer to that question too Lucca. Not everyone who posts on GN is a GM, a woman or a GP. The OP is a GF so what's the problem?

Not a brilliant first impression of GN is it.

Despite the abbreviations I totally agree with your post Smileless

Interesting thread, many replies have said what I would have said. Can I ask though....how did your first relationship ship end? Was it as ' easy' as this one appears to be? What about your wife's first relationship as well? Just interested to know.

Should only be one ' ship'!!! On my mobile, and not used to it?

How bizarre that so many of you are mortally offended and outraged that a 54 year male has the temerity to post on GN. You're strangely silent when young mother's come to this forum asking for advice about mother's in law and other relationships; no hint of age or sex bias there. So what is it about Spiritof67 that offends you so much? His age? His gender? His honesty? His bravery that he's done something that some of you can only dream about but have never had the nerve to do? I've looked at a few of the posters on this thread with fresh eyes today and yes, I've judged you.

I have no sex bias, I didnt find the post brave, I found it quite patronising. We all have different views.

Maybe some posters don't like 'happy endings' Chewbacca.

Galaxy

I have no sex bias, I didnt find the post brave, I found it quite patronising. We all have different views.

Of course he is being brave - *endure or face unpleasant conditions or behaviour without showing fear*- after the negative comments he has received. I bet you anything if this had been a female poster she would never have had to read these negative comments and if she had she probably would not have responded in the positive and mature way he has.

I too wonder what a 54 year old male is doing on Gransnet

What a strange thing to say.

I am really happy you think that, I just dont agree, I know what brave means!

I didn't think about the gender of th, as I said up thread, it suggested a relationship that was always shallow and had no roots. I cannot imagine why they evr bothered to marry in the first place.

I've reported this thread.
It makes for really unpleasant reading.

My husband and I have done the same, we are still good friends after 4 years living apart.

We had separate lives but lived together for a few years before deciding to live apart. My husband wanted to have a new relationship, we would have both been okay about it but doubt another woman would have liked the idea of him still living with his wife.

Works for us. Why people have the need to be negative about someone elses life that they are happy with is beyond me.

Maybe the poster thought that most people on GN were of a similar age as he is?
Maybe the 15 year difference throws up more problems with us than he has at his younger age.