Should a Man put his women first ?

Controlling someone's money and who they can see is abusive. We have no idea why OP retired at 50.

He’s loving and says he loves me but he has no consideration for me. Surely we express love for each other by consideration, by taking their views and preferences into account when making choices and decisions that affect us both?
get an allowance? From your partner? Seriously, in this day and age? Especially if you are still young.
This is a controlling, abusive relationship. I think you know that really? Is there any joy in your life?
Only you can decide what to do with your life, but if I were you I would leave this relationship and start to enjoy life.
Good luck

Why is the title of the thread Should a Man put his women first ? when the thread isn't about that at all - it is about whether a man has any right to put his woman LAST and treat her like an indentured servant, given a small allowance but not permitted any say in any decisions, even ones concerning her alone, like seeing her family.

You are being controlled.
Take back some power.

He is controlling.

The allowance is probably a tax-break for his company. A friend has similar through her husband's company.

The phrase that springs to my mind about your situation Beau1958 is "trophy wife."
Does he expect you to look a certain way, keep house a certain way, entertain his clients (in normal times), does he see you as a kind of business partner?

Would he care and look after you if you were ill?

Um, this is not about "putting his woman first". This is about a partnership and in a partnership each partner considers the other and each partner compromises on occasions to create a mutually beneficial and enjoyable relationship. In considering your unhappiness you might want to start with considering that to try and unpick how you really feel. Once you have done that the next step would be to start thinking what you want to do about your feelings. Those actions depend on your conclusions about what the real problems are

This is a n example of coercive control and financial abuse Beau both of which are now criminal offences.

This is about a partnership, equality and mutual respect none of which appear to be evident in your relationship. If you are seriously thinking about ending this relationship you need to get some legal advice to see where you stand in terms of your financial position.

You may not be married but you've been together for 21 years and may be surprised at what you could be entitled too.

You are a companion, a housekeeper, a mistress, but you are not a partner. Partners are equal. He is controlling; I would not call him abusive, but it sounds as though he pays for everything and therefore thinks he has the right to make all the decisions.
Is your allowance generous or is it pin money?
Do you actually own anything? Do you have any claim on the house, a car, joint possessions? Check up; a friend left her partner and found all the things she thought they had bought together had actually been paid for on his credit card and all the receipts were in his name; money taken from the joint account was for 'expenses.'
I am a bit puzzled as to how you are able to visit your daughter and grandchildren 'no more than once a month'.
In this country?

Controlling can be and often is abusive eazybee.

Beau1958, 'he who pays the piper calls the tune. If you're happy to be a kept woman, you'll find it hard to assert yourself and make your own choices.

If you're independent financially, you can dictate the flight times - and pay too. As for visiting your daughter, you really don't need permission - so just go when you want to!

(the title made me laugh. How many women?)

The title of this thread speaks volumes about the nature of this relationship. It certainly isn’t what I’d choose.

I agree Blossoming I've just looked at this title again and it hit me how dated this is.

2 words. F%*#$ that!

This is the 21st century. No partner should control the other.

This sounds like emotional abuse. If you're unhappy and need help to leave as Galaxy said, Woman's Aid can and will help you.

I find the title of the thread odd. “Should a man put HIS!! women first?” Capitals are mine.

You should always put your partner first. Does not matter if you are the male or the female side of the partnership. That is what makes it a lasting relationship when you both think of the other person and put them first.

I find the relationship described by Beau1958 very worrying and surprised it has lasted 21 years.

Thanks for all your comments. I retired at 50 as I started to babysit my grandchildren (not his we have children with different partners) we actually sleep in separate rooms so the companion in bed is not justified and I don’t agree I should pay the price of being controlled if I don’t work. What really has got me this time is him saying I can’t see my grandchildren he says he will have to rethink our relationship if I keep seeing them. I do stay over a few nights when I go which I know he doesn’t like but this is really eating away at me. We don’t have a joint account he wouldn’t like that. I’m just scared of my future trying to cope on my own I’m 63 staying with my daughter is a short fix but I’m scared of living with no income. I think I will get legal advice to see where I stand.

Do you know whether he's made a will and are you a beneficiary? How old is he?

I’m glad you returned to the thread and have read the comments, Beau1958. You say you’re scared of your future, “living with no income”. If I were you, I’d be more scared of continuing to live as you are. This man is controlling all aspects of your life, and - it would seem - giving you no pleasure whatsoever. You are fairly young. I think you should leave now, while you still have a chance to make a better, happier future for yourself. Phone the Women’s aid helpline for advice - 0808 2000 247. Please.

I think you owe it to yourself to at least find out what your options are, financially.
Then you can consider whether being gradually cut off from your family is worth it.

I did smile at the title of the post, should a man put his women first, I presume you meant woman beau1958, it’s not really about whether a man should put his woman first it’s more of, a man treating his partner / Wife with respect, your partner doesn’t sound very nice, as you say if you challenge him he says your attitude stinks! Wow! Like others have said he’s a controller! What on earth does he mean Op when he says he will have to rethink your relationship if you keep seeing your family! Sounds like he wants to keep you under his thumb, that’s a threat, I’d definately be taking legal advice

He is emotionally blackmailing you by saying he will be rethinking the relationship. Do you rely on him to take you see your daughter. Definitely seek advice sooner than later so you know your rights. I am curious why your daughter chose to move so far away. Is it not possible for you to stay at your daughters? Even if it’s just to get some breathing space until you decide what to do. You have been assertive on here asking advice it’s not easy for everyone. Now you will have the confidence to decide where your future will be.