I decided age 49 to stay single

Married my soulmate, together for 24 yrs and married for 22 yrs when he died suddenly and unexpectedly. That was 31 yrs ago and I still miss him every day but have never had another relationship (by choice).

Of course, other people were always trying to set me up with someone as they didn't think I should live alone and would never listen to what I wanted, so if they remained persistent then I just went 'no contact' as I definitely didn't want or need anyone interfering in my life.

While my DH and I did everything together we also did some things separately as well and never put any restrictions on each other. When he was dying, he asked me to promise I would get married again while apologising for ruining my life and while this was said with much thought and love, I wouldn't answer because I would not make any promise that deep in my heart I didn't expect I would keep...and he knew it too!

Naturally we were both devastated because we had great plans but I got on with my solo life and have no desire to change. I continued to travel, go to concerts, dinner, holidays, etc all can be arranged at short notice when you only have yourself to get organised. Also, I've met some great people while travelling solo and been invited to extend a trip with them and vice versa.

When I saw this thread yesterday it really struck a chord with me.! I had been married for 10years and with my husband for 12 when he had an affair whilst I was pregnant with my youngest daughter with my other daughters best friends mother. ! He left to live with her and subsequently marry her within a year. My world fell apart. I was 34. For the next 3 years I went on a few dates ,saw one man for 6 months. All very discrete as my eldest daughter had been through enough turmoil(she was 6). In some ways I think I wanted to replace what I had lost. Looking back I feel I was so young! There wasnt online dating then just local newspaper and tele text. ?. It soon felt however that men my age were either single for a reason or with issues from break ups. Life seemed complicated enough without these issues and or creating a blended family. I decided to focus on bringing up my daughters and work. I had good friends,socialised etc and although not actively seeking a relationship I was open to one. It just never happened. It probably didnt help that the majority of my workplace was female. Despite that friends/colleagues would get divorced etc and within a year or so be in a relationship or married. I just never met anyone I connected to. Sometimes I wondered if it was me . As the years went on the idea of being in a relationship seemed less appealing, I enjoyed making my own choices to much. Occasionally I have the thought it would be nice to share some things with someone but that disappears when I think how the rest of the time could be spent compromising or being frustrated.! I've coped with situations on my own,although with the support of good friends. I've until recently enjoyed solo travel. My daughters have grown up well balanced and are in healthy and happy relationships.
I'm 60 this year,along with recent events a time for contemplation. Internet dating can be a jungle,many men in my age group either want younger women or a potential carer?. I think the only thing I missed during the past years is a dual income and the security that can bring. At the moment lifes not to bad as have just started a new job that is best paid one I've ever had. My house is mine outright. I'm not totally opposed to romance but it would be totally on basis kept separate households.
Lockdown for me ,like many was hard as I live on my own and was shielding. I must admit i was grateful for my cats as it was another living creature. That said I was pretty much fine about the situation.
Maybe because I had been married, had childeren etc I felt as though I hadnt missed out. Ironically my ex husband was divorced a few years ago by the woman he left me for. She now has a new husband! According to my BIL he regrets his decision all those years ago and feels threw it all away! I didnt know quite how I felt about that. I'm happy with the path my life has taken and what I have achieved. Both myself and my daughters would have been very different people without that journey.

I am so heartened by these positive accounts! Phew but yes we do live in a Couples culture so sometimes it looks as if it might be worth it to couple up... but really? No.
I have had two long term relationships and neither men, first my husband then the stepfather to my growing children, stepped up to the plate for them. My husband, after l parted from him, would not have anything to do with the children out of spite to me, of course he was cutting his nose off but he was right - nothing was worse for me than my children losing the love and support of their father...and that’s all he cared for, the second I chose very much with them in mind and they adored him as did I then after ten years he had an affair with someone I knew and moved on, she had a child and he became the favoured one and mine sidelined. When both these men died within weeks of each other my children were not present as chief mourners at their funerals, never publicly allowed their grief. This has caused a lot of damage which they are only now, sixteen years later are recovering from. So no I have not wanted another romantic relationship and being older they are not banging on my door so think I will stay safe. I am happier and more stable than I have ever been. We can do it ?

I know exactly how you feel Nicegranny. Unfortunately I too always managed to choose the wrong men. I came out of my marriage with nothing - despite always paying half of everything as we both worked full time. I managed to work hard so I got my own home.Then I had 2 long term relationships - both who came with nothing. The first was the love of my life but went off with someone 16 years younger (regretting it later but too late by then). I hung onto my house by working 2 or 3 nights as well as my full time job. Then after another long gap I started seeing someone else who eventually moved in - his choice. After 14 years he went out one night and never came home and won't tell me why. However, in hindsight he did me a favour. He never contributed to the house so at least he didn't get any of that but still left with a lot more than he came with (he sent someone to collect his things). That's about 8 years ago and I decided, like you, to stay on my own as I will find it very hard to trust anyone again. I am capable and now retired and used to being on my own. It's been particularly difficult during lockdown as although I have good friends to talk to haven't been able to get out to do my social activities.
You are lucky that you have family to support you - for no obvious reasons I never had children but to be honest glad I only had my self to worry about when my partners left. I would love to have a special person to spend time with (I'm about the same age as you) but certainly wouldn't want to live with anyone again or get married. Best Wishes and stay safe.