Anyone else celibate?

I never lost interest in sex itself. I lost interest in the individuals. I was always ready to go at it at the drop of a hat whereas they desired more of what I consider staging, sexy clothes, candles, planned romance and a performance. When I say they I mean more than one partner had eventually desired those things which to me seemed like a chore and sucked the spontaneity and fun out of the activity. Too much stress! Who the heck wants to have sex with someone who doesn't think you're enough? That you need something extra? I still chuckle to myself when I think about what they must have thought that they brought to bed because I never asked them to be more!

DH is on medication that unfortunately has put an end to our sex life.

Katie same with my husband after my hysterctomy - totally lost interest and refused to talk about it. We are content, but it was me who had to accept.

My husband stopped making any effort towards intimacy 10 yrs ago, it was horrible, I didn’t even get a cuddle, so I accepted that my sex life was over. After 10 yrs of increasing acrimony I left, after a few months I met a new man, he really pushed all the right buttons, my libido was revived. I would never have believed that life could change so dramatically, even at 60 there is plenty of life to enjoy.

I have never been able to stay interested in sex after the first few years ...... I think quite possibly I have never met the absolute true love of my life.

I’ve been single now for 12 years and celibate but not through choice. I’d like to be in a relationship and have regular loving sex. I’m only 63 and still attractive but have resigned myself to being celibate for the rest of my life. It doesn’t bother me particularly but I do feel wistful sometimes when I remember how wonderful sex could be.

A sub group for lesbians , please no ! It sounds like you are willing to be marginalized!! This is 2021!!!

MissChateline

Sparkling

If in a lesbian marriage are you both wives, I have often wondered.

Of course we are both wives.....what else would we be ?

Sorry, that sounded a bit sharp......yes we are both “wives” but rarely use that term. I guess that l usually use “partner” .
We do and have always had a rather unconventional relationship as my wife was working and living abroad when we met and then after retiring bought a place in the Canary Islands. We alternate our time together and separately between UK and the island. It works for us as we both have different interests and enjoy having our own time. Lockdown has been interesting as we each have found ourselves stuck in the “wrong” place for a while. Here’s hoping for some normality soon.

MissChateline I am always more interested in your references to your home on La Palma, as we have enjoyed a few days there over the years.
I hope you can go back soon ?

Shinamae whatever works for you and gives you peace of mind. Nothing else matters.

Sparkling

If in a lesbian marriage are you both wives, I have often wondered.

Of course we are both wives.....what else would we be ?

Savvy if I had to choose, definitely a book!

If people choose to be celibate no one has a right to comment on it.

I'm asexual. Sex has never held any interest for me, I'd rather be reading a book.

Thank you Sparkling.....??

ShinamaeI don’t think it will serve any purpose dragging up what happened when you were 6, like picking a scab off. If you are happy as you are that’s wonderful, it really doesn’t matter.

If in a lesbian marriage are you both wives, I have often wondered.

Thank you olddudders for understanding. I didn't think anyone would.
Yes, I feel strongly about it. I just can't get that intimate with anyone else. I'd rather stay alone.

A skin condition called lichen sclerosus has blighted my life for 40 years, getting worse all the time. I was forced to become celibate 25 years ago and now face ongoing multiple surgeries for cancer in the vaginal area. Pain is with me all the time. I try to find pleasures in other directions with varying degrees of success. DH has been incredibly understanding but I am well aware this has diminished both our lives.

CafeAulait no apology necessary.....

Shinamae

CafeAuLait

Some people are asexual. Could this be it?

I did say in my original post that I could be asexual or even frigid but to be honest I don’t really want to delve into it and have therapy, I think dragging it up after all these years could do more harm than good. I am quite happy living my life the way I do.... and I have shared before that I am a recovering alcoholic and I started drinking at 15 so maybe that’s to do with it......

My apologies for missing that bit.

Thank you all for your very supportive posts....????

MissChatelaine I have noticed you refer to your wife I have not thought twice about it. You are you and happy I have a nephew with a husband each to their own.

Totally agree LauraNorder, celibate, nymphomaniac, asexual, frigid, bisexual, gay or lesbian all are welcome on this thread, just not judgemental!!

Shinamae As long as you are happy with who you are and how you feel then just carry on being you.
If you’re not happy then explore the possibilities of talking it through with others with similar feelings, counsellors or your GP as a start.
GrandMattie, Orlin has had the same operation as your husband. We settled in to celibacy for a while afterwards but missed the closeness of sex and have since discovered many other ways of giving each other pleasure without the need for penetration.
MissChatelaine and Amberspyglass, don’t form a sub group, we’re all in it together on Gransnet, thank goodness we’re not all exactly the same. Different views, different experiences, different feelings, all makes the world go round.

MissChateline

I never really understood why I was never over enamoured about sex with men despite having 2 wonderful daughters until I fell totally in love with a woman 32 years ago and became a fully fledged lesbian!
Several relationships later I am now with the woman I intend to spend the rest of my life with and in a recognised civil partnership.
Maybe start to consider other options !

Seriously I had considered that I might be gay but I find no attraction to women at all I’m afraid. I am attracted to men but just can’t take it any further really just have them as friends...

Shinamae, you must be and do exactly what makes you happy. Just dont push anyone away who may want to love you and be involved in your life... other than that ... just keep on loving your friends and family