Everyone 'too busy' or is ti me?

@keepingquiet

I'm not busy. I'm bored out of my brain. We could make a club?

Could I join please?

I've got tons of 'stuff' to do but no energy to be bothered with it.

I'm bored!

I often feel that I’m too busy, and haven’t time to keep in touch, and then I realise just how long I spend on social media (I’m doing it now). But I have decided that my friends and family are more important than checking up what others are doing on Facebook, so I am trying to limit my browsing activity. I normally do have a very busy social life, I still work part time and am an avid gardener. I am an active member of the gym, U3A, an art group, Linedancing group and a quiz team, and look after a small granddaughter one day per week, but my friends are incredibly important to me. A fact that has been brought home to me over the last year. I think that if you can’t find time for dear friends then they are not as dear to you as you you profess.

knspol oh that’s difficult for you. Sending you some love . Keep popping into Gransnet (if that helps)

Retired and definitely un-busy, have been isolating for so long now as DH is in the extremely vulnerable group and is now awaiting further procedures so still avoiding unnecessary contact. Desperately seeking something to occupy myself with every day.

I had a friend who I chatted to most days on he phone... known for almost fifty years! A year ago last Christmas I went to my daughter’s in USA for three weeks and during that time I sent thirteen texts to this ‘friend’ and she replied to none! When I got back I asked her why she didn’t respond and she said “the first reason is I didn’t have time and the second reason would take too long too explain.” .... so, in three whole weeks there wasn’t one occasion of five seconds (taking into account predictive text!) that she couldn’t have texted ‘Happy Christmas’ at least.....??!!! We haven’t spoken since then. Seemed such a ridiculous excuse to me...!

Oh Savvy that’s awful. I think that as we get older time just seems to fly. Or maybe we are much slower at doing things so that the day goes very quickly and we don’t fit in any of the things we mean to do and friends get neglected.

There seems to almost be a compulsion once retired for some people to cram as much into each day (sometimes more than when working) and then to complain about how busy they are!
I thought the whole idea of retirement was to be able to live without being stuck watching the clock and having to be at everyone's beck and call, and to be able to spend time with those that you also have missed spending time with when at work.
If these "friends" don't have time for you, they are the ones losing out and time to form a "I'm being lazy in retirement and I love it " group of new friends and enjoy meeting up for a coffee etc that can go on for hours!

I have no time for the glorification of being busy My friends know I always have time for them

Sometimes I think people cover their forgetfulness with having 'been so busy'. I've lost count of the times I've heard, 'Kept meaning to phone you, but I've just been so busy.'

Really? Doing what? Gardening? Right...

Then there's the voicemail: 'Just called for chat. Sorry to have missed you. I'll try again later.' And 'later' never comes.

How sad that these ‘friends’ make the ‘so busy’ excuse. They surely must have some time that you could meet up, even if not immediately, but in a week or so.

I am a very busy person but always make time for my friends, as I consider them a very important part of my life.

i don’t know what all these people are doing
Yesterday: phone call from daughter ^can you take N to school.
2 hrs later meet up with friends to arrange some funeral business.
Then a neighbour called to ask me to look at some overgrown hedges in her garden.
About teatime went to friend who has received floor samples and can’t make up her mind and needed help to decide.
I have my own garden to deal with but do 2 other gardens.
In between the bad weather I’m trying to paint 2 sheds and some fencing.
So yes, I’m busy.

I have been retired for almost 14 years now. When I left my job even then there was a societal expectation that people would keep "busy" in retirement....actually even before that....My Sis has been retired over 30 years and the same thing was said to both of us "but what will you DO all day" and we both said the same thing "whatever I want to" I like to spend time with my old dog, craft, read, garden, do a bit of DIY, bake, binge watch telly.
I think that some people seem to be afraid to "stop" in retirement, that they only feel validated if they lead busy lives...almost as though they are afraid to be alone and meet themselves.
I used to work in the NHS both as a clinician, a project manager and a clinical team manager. I have to say that when I left the job I was peopled out and wanted nothing more than my home, my family and peace and quiet...not to be constantly "on", having to think about how what I said and did was affecting others every single blooming minute of my working day.
None of this is helping the OP of course.....just suggesting an alternative POV

Sara1954

I’m not retired, but I sympathise with your friends. I don’t feel like I’ve got any leisure time at all. I feel guilty about neglecting some of my friends, and feel I’ve let some down, but there are only so many hours in a day sadly.

I work full time and feel like I never have much time to myself. Weekends are taken up doing housework, supermarket shopping and gardening.

I have to admit that I get annoyed when I have planned my Saturday or Sunday and people turn up uninvited (pre Covid) and stay for two hours drinking tea and chatting.

I don't feel the need to busy with clubs and activities.

I love reading and would like to have more time to do this. I mainly read in the bath.

Maybe when I retire........

However, I would never ignore someone who I knew was alone and had little company.

I am not too busy but do always have a longer "to do" list than I could complete in the day, or week.......it just gets more things on it as the time goes by. But little of it is absolutely 'must do it now' stuff and lots is really fun, for instance making a story book for my grandchildren based on stories I've made up over the years for them. Maybe one day they will read or make up similar stories for their grandchildren! I've found a website which will print a book for not too much, or insisting on lots of copies. So would not say I am 'too busy' but busy enough, and do aim to make sure it doesn't get to the 'too busy' point.

I am busy! I cant help it, I am not near retirement age and am working, I help daily and for substantial periods with 6 small grandchildren and my 3 DD one of whom is doing a demanding job and the other two are fitting in university courses too. I am probably guilty of booking time with friends as the OP has mentioned but its worth remembering that for lots of
Us busy isn't really a choice!

I am retired and busy! Looking after elderly relatives and a carer for my chronically ill DH but I always meet my friends when it is possible and have time for them, I never say that I have to go off somewhere else. I enjoy my coffee or two and even more I enjoy my friend’s company. I struggle for time to myself but that is just the way it is.

Sometimes I’m very busy not doing anything at all and being by myself. I even block out chunks of time in my diary to make sure I get enough solitude and to give me space to recharge between social interactions. Some people carefully screen their contact time with others in order to survive mentally. Obviously I don’t generally tell people this unless I know them very well. For me it’s an essential but not everyone appreciates this!

Lucca I think you are right about insensitivity. Since retiring I often wish I had a friend to see and I do but they are often ‘too busy’ - if you are having a down day this can feel very personal when it often isn’t meant that way. I think life has changed a great deal in recent years and that people also have different expectations of friendship.

I ask friends/family to text me first saying that they would like to phone for a chat and checking what time is convenient. If the phone rings at an inconvenient time (without checking) I dont answer.

It may be a matter of timing. I have a good friend, to whom I will happily chat on the phone for an hour, but she has a tendency to call in the early evening when I am preparing dinner, and it really isn’t convenient. I wouldn’t brush her off , but trying to stir a pan and peel veg while juggling a phone on speaker isn’t ideal. We also have a neighbour who seems to pop round for a cuppa and a chat just when I have to leave to pick up the DGC from school. Some things can’t be put off!

I was promised by a friend that when her husband retired it would not affect us, we will still have our days out, walks, etc every week cos she would be glad to get away from him for a while. It hasn't happened, she never really bothers anymore, she phones me, but that's it. I know with Covid, etc this past year it would of been hard to catch up but this was even before the pandemic. She's constantly sending pics of them out, where they are, what they are eating, etc.
I haven't saw another one since December. I've messaged her and she promises to phone for a chat or call to see me, cos when I call at hers she's never in, but she never bothers. I know people are busy, but these two 'friends' are retired like myself. I live alone and it would be lovely to see them, even for a walk, friendship works both ways.

They sound full of their own self importance and not worthy of your friendship. Forget about them.

Such a shame really not to make time for friends. There is a saying that ask a busy person to do something and they will. I presume it means that they can always make time and as someone says previously, if you really want to see someone, you will manage somehow. Sad, but if they don't make time for you I would just forget about them. It is hurtful though

Once I get the vibe from someone that they are fitting me in
just to fill three quarters of an hour as they have got things to do then that is when I let them have the brush-off. People seem to do it to let others know how busy they are and it makes them feel important. I have recently helped an extended family member with organizing a house move some days I really had better things to do but I am not the type to part do something. The move went well but in the last month most contact from this person has been minimal to say the least and when I phoned them a few days ago I was told "Oh sorry really busy I will call you" I am not made that way but next time they call me I will be saying I must dash I am busy I do not like being used then cast aside.

I think being SO busy is seen as a kind of one upmanship for some people. Maybe they think it makes them sound important or popular.

My husband always maintains we find time for people we want to find time for.

Having said that there are only a certain number of hours in a day to fit in what needs to be done, but some people do seem to take delight in telling everyone just how busy, busy they are.