Birthday gifts. When to stop?

Our dds are 41 and 44 and we still give them cash in the card, plus something to open.

I will go on doing it unless/until I’m too demented to remember that there’s such a thing as birthdays, but ? that won’t happen.

We used to give my lovely father in law Lindt Chocolate Reindeer for Christmas and eggs at Easter! For his birthday we usually took him out for dinner. He always used to buy me a book that he thought I may not have read before. Stephen King's "Needful Things" for example.. In latter years I used to make recordings of some of the Marlowe detective plays for him and we used to listen to them.. Great memories.

Everyone I know including the young kids prefers Amazon vouches so they have the fun of choosing something. Suits me too!

I usually give money to AC and spouses for Birthdays and Christmas unless I know of or find something I think they would like. I have had a real think about birthday gifts from parents when I was young and cannot remember receiving anything once I had left home. Have we all gradually succumbed to the marketing of birthdays, like Mother's Day, Easter and Christmas in that a gift is required for everything and everyone now.

My adult sons just get £20 in their cards now. I would rather take them out for a meal but this has been difficult over the last year. I think that is more for me than them anyway, neither have a partner.

Always give family at birthdays and Christmas.....

We always give the children and their partners gifts for their birthdays and Christmas - sometimes money and sometimes others things - depending on what they want or need at the time. We also give to the grandchildren - 10 of them, plus a step grandson and his partner and their son. Sometimes it’s money if they’re saving for something and sometimes it’s an actual gift - decided in conjunction with their parents. I give because I love them. I also make a smallish contribution monthly into their savings accounts - I’d rather give it to them now than the tax man one day!

I understand that people would like to carry on giving gifts. I can also understand a situation where someone is not married and has only their own resources to draw upon. Many of us are divorced. Some of us are no longer working.and not yet old enough.for state pension. I so.understand the difficulties of saying to your children/partners you have to cut back. So far I have not yet been able to do that with my own family.

I stopped giving birthday and Xmas presents to my nieces and nephews when they turned 21.
Now my extended family has grown ever more as we have many great nieces and nephews - we give each child £20 at Xmas and £15 for birthdays. At some time this will have to stop as they never see us and dont know who we are (distance is the cause). However, i find it more upsetting that from the majority we dont get a recognition from the parents that anything has arrived!

ask them what they prefer? voucher or money .and it all depends on how much they earning . i always think a nice bunch of flowers would be nice . for him .? book voucher ..gardening voucher. afternoon cream tea .

We love exchanging gifts as a family for birthdays and never leave anyone out. They don’t need to be expensive just carefully chosen and nicely wrapped in my view.

Never stop - ever!

I always give my adult sons and wife’s also grandkids. But the adults I tend to buy the wife’s some bath bombs. I bought a few years ago and afterwards I was told that they were really nice and could I buy every birthday. It’s a pack of 8 on amazon in a black box. Cost me about 12. Pound. Daughter inlaw said that they better than the big name brand. Also get them their favourite chocolates and they both really happy. I got something different last year thinking maybe that they would be happy. How wrong was I got asked why. So this year got two happy daughter inlaws lol. My sons both get lounge pants and favourite sweets so I’d say I spend about 20 on each of them. Obviously grandkids get about £50 ish lol depends how mad I go. This year I over spent on all of them. Due to not seeing them. I’ve 5 grandkids

Do they buy you gifts?

I think gifts are better than money as at that age they buy what they want when they want it.

If you can order things through Amazon that you think they’d like, spend bit less too!

My mum all of a sudden stopped sending grandchildren money on their birthdays which was a little unfair on my children as my children are the youngest therefore their 40 year old cousin got 22 years more bd money than they did! But to be fair I think when you reach 11 grandchildren and now 12 great grandchildren, it does get bit expensive!

Our grown up son and daughter are 53 and 49 respectively.....and only recently we’ve changed from putting cash in their birthday cards to putting in gift cards to one of their favourite stores.

I always ask my son and daughter what they and their partners would like for Birthdays as I feel it is a special day to have a spoil. They usually say vouchers or cash as they like to choose their own presents - something they need or a spoil. I shall always give them something as long as I can afford it -- and if things get tight they will have a token pressy like wine or chocolates - - but never nothing!

I give my children, their partners and grandchildren, money. Like others have said, they may not actually need it as they are earning enough, but also, I never really know what they would want either! I remember my MIL used to send her family money and I was so pleased to have it - even though I had a good job.

Our AC all earn way more than we ever did. We used to spend a roughly reciprocal amount with one son/dil but (richest) son always asked for something more than that figure so the arrangement gradually withered. One son always sends a lovely gift with no expectation of anything. We still exchange gifts with 'poorest' AC. It's a shame really, as I like choosing and giving presents.

Annlilyoliver - I would always acknowledge an adult child's birthday and if being able to afford the £50 is not an issue I'm not sure why actually giving it is unnecessary. I'm sure your son and dil appreciate that gift and you never know what they do with it - it might take them out somewhere nice and help in the creation of a memory. I would carry on unless you're finding it difficult financially.

If you can’t afford it then stop..or just give a token gift ?

If you can afford it then why not continue?
‘You can’t take it with you’

My default gift to my sons and daughter in laws, now (especially since lock down and shops were closed) is a bottle of wine, chocolate, a card..and cash..
Then I can get the joy of giving..while I’m still here ?

On subject of gifts - we exchange with Sisters in law (twins). One just bought me a top which wasn’t me (recycled polyester) and wrong size so returned to M&S. Apparently it cost 75p over 6m ago so couldn’t be returned. This is not the first time something like this has happened and she’s not at all hard up. We always give both sisters nice presents and the other sis is fine. I tried suggesting no gifts last year but the other sis still wants to. What do people suggest?

Oh dear, I feel this is a very sad post. My children are 35 and 37, DS has a lovely wife & DD a delightful partner. I can't imagine not giving them birthday presents! We very often give DDIL money to spend on herself as their 2 boys gobble upthe household budget but sometimes we buy her a gift. I enjoy choosing presents, often with a few suggestions from the recipient, and I love to see their faces. Unless we were in really dire straits, I really can't see us stopping. My mum still bought presents for me until she died at 93 when I was 60.

We give our adult daughter money or buy her something specific that she has sugggested when asked what she would like. But if it's hard for you to spare the money now, just say so. That you would like to continue giving them the same amount, but it's difficult for you. They certainly should understand. Then either give a reduced amount or a small gift instead.

We have always given our AC money for Christmas and birthdays. We pay it into their bank accounts and it’s up to them what they spend it on.

They are given gifts as well and we’re very generous towards our 2 grandchildren. Sadly we only have the 2.
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Grandmabatty

I apologise if I upset you with my ‘dismissive’ post which you thought unpleasant.