Daughter In Law

Sorry....this whole thing sounds manufactured to me. If it isn’t, then it’s no wonder there are problems!?

*justgottavent8

You have misunderstood me! I was merely saying that since we cannot choose MiL, DiL, and we all know that can happen, usually from childhood experience, I had a grandmother who did not like my mother, or me because I was too like her. What cannot be cured must be endured. I found that phrase helpful.

I have just not had your laudable desire to work it out. I cannot be bothered.

Justgottavent

Your son doesnt have the life you thought he thought he would have - like Elsa says "let it go"

It was never in your hands and comparing how both families decide to live comes across as petty and childish (on your part )

Gotta wonder why some click the thread.

OP comes across as perhaps just a teeny-weeny bit smug, maybe ?

Well there we have it. The enlightened and the folks who have it all worked out perfectly. You have missed the point. But for the record - glad you have time to coach the rest of the minions.

Our children grow up to be independent adults and make their own lives their way for good and ill.

We just have to sit back and let them get on with it. Any comment by us is the first step to estrangement, my rule has always been to greet every step to independence with joy, zip my lip and leave them to get on with it. So far so good.

Apart from anything else I was young in the 1960s and we threw the rule book in the air and set it alight. Who am I to do anything except accept AC's decisions, for good or ill.

Sorry but I don't believe this is a real post. This is 2021!

NotSpaghetti~ so true. I take joy in that. We used to have such a great time - his sister and he & I. We had open arms to friends and family. We had all of our families together when they were growing up. All their grands are gone now and their dad. I am alone. It must not be much fun for them with me alone. She has both her parents. Her mom never worked. I taught university and part-time at hospital to earn enough to take care if us all. I still work 40-50 hours per week running my own company. Her folks are retired. I am resigned to it and yet days like this one make me wish I had a spouse to confide in or a shoulder to lean on. I have my faith and my practice. Her family has none. They celebrate Christmas the consumer way and I do not -never did. Sometimes, knowing who son was; how he was; I wonder what is happening for him. My heart aches a little. Silently.

Well, maybe take comfort in the love your son gives, and the love he receives.
Everything else that is a positive after that, is simply a bonus.

Hithere - love your reply. When we get it we get it. We get it. I never engage in any of the power struggles. I just get blown away every now and then. Those who never do- blessed are they!!

You are lucky. My SIL is fabulous. So he is my fav. Thx for the advice but I was just looking to vent.

I understand the situation is not what you would like. However you recognize your son loves his wife and his life. On that basis there is not much to say ! other than leave well alone .

1. So the other mil (dil's mother) is very controlling and accuses her daughter of being controlling - that is rich!
No wonder the daughter learned from the mother!

2. You also have a culture shock as your family has a different structure

There is nothing you can do here.
Son and dil have to realize it is not healthy and a change is needed

What you can do is refuse to engage with the other mil and the power struggle.
Two cannot fight if one refuses to engage

No comment

Luckily she didn't marry you - only your son!.
I am so glad my DC are loved and loving in return. I can't find fault in my DiLs or my SiL, not that I am looking for it.
Back off is my advice.
.

Hi there,
So many episodes. DIL is an extremely controlling girl. Her mom told me that 5 years ago. The mom is right. The mom is a controlling woman. The southern woman family. I am a northern woman from a patriarchal family structure. I cannot relate. DIL mom still controls her and the entire family including my son. And where she leaves off DIL takes over. It is an ugly scene in my opinion. I just watch them dance. The DIL mother told them that when she is there she does not want me there. She said she wants her time to be special. They honor her wishes. Fine I guess watching the power struggle between the 2 women and listening to the southern cackle is a bit much anyway.

I do my best to stay out the whole mess. But the control issues spill over on to me and I have had to keep my mouth shut do long I am exhausted from it. It takes the joy out of life.

I do not like talking with friends about it. I feel guilty about that. My son loves her. I have to say that I hope he loves the structure he is in, but it would sadden me.

I will share details another time.

I need a safe place to vent

I'm not sure that this would be it as everything is on the internet, available to all and posters can be identified.

I'm sure lots of MILs feel the same! You don't really say what these issues are?