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Moving in together

(63 Posts)
Shanavine Fri 04-Jun-21 15:50:43

My partner of two years and myself are discussing moving in together.
I can't sell my house as my 25 year old daughter and her two year old live there.
She is currently finished her first year of a 4 year collage course.
My partner wants me to move in as an equal finicial partner.
I want to leave my daughter where she is until the course is over, then sell the house.
And buy half of my partner house.
But my partner doesn't not want a lodger.
And feels very strongly that my daughter is getting more than her two. ,16 and 19.
One is in college,

DiscoDancer1975 Fri 04-Jun-21 15:55:18

Before you do anything which involves money with someone you’re not married to, please get advice. Citizens Advice/ solicitor.
Hope it all goes well for you.

Shanavine Fri 04-Jun-21 15:56:04

So she feels that her daughters are treated unequally.
I can't afford to buy In to her house until I sell my own.
And i can't sell my own until my daughter finishes college.
Am I being disproportionally unfair to her two daughters.
My daughter doesn't pay anything to me
So she gets it easy I admit that.

Hithere Fri 04-Jun-21 16:06:01

Agree with discodancer

This game of playing fair is fishy

Fair is not equal.

DiscoDancer1975 Fri 04-Jun-21 16:10:33

If she feels her daughters are not being treated the same...as yours do you mean?....already there is a grievance before you’ve started anything. Even more reason to be careful. Get advice.

lemsip Fri 04-Jun-21 16:11:14

your partner of only two year? Stay where you are and look after your daughter who've you've 'known' for longer than two years. She will be moving on in a couple of years no doubt....

EllanVannin Fri 04-Jun-21 16:18:16

It's not something I'd be leaping into without legal advice.

Shanavine Fri 04-Jun-21 16:18:16

I want to move to hers and pay my own way.
But she is adamant that this would be disproportioned to her two daughters.
Her older daughter gets her accommodition paid for by both her parents.
So am I being unfair?
paidd for

BlueBelle Fri 04-Jun-21 16:35:31

Stay where you are…. red flags are flying
Your question should be “am I walking into trouble not am i being unfair”

CocoPops Fri 04-Jun-21 16:37:51

The way you treat your daughter is entirely up to you.
If I were you I'd retain my independence and stay where you are.

Grandmabatty Fri 04-Jun-21 17:19:22

I can't see that you letting your daughter stay til she's finished her course then selling the house is unfair to your partner's children. It's your house, not a shared house. I feel very uneasy about this. Your compromise seems fine. If your partner isn't keen, then I would be rethinking my relationship and definitely not rushing to move with them. Two years are nothing

BlueBelle Fri 04-Jun-21 17:40:45

If you put your money into half your partners house what happens if the two year relationship finishes …. Burnt all your bridges comes to mind
Stay where you are if after your daughter leaves you are still in love then that s the time to move and sell your house

Doodledog Fri 04-Jun-21 17:44:20

Will everything you do for or give to your daughter have to be run by your partner first?

As she has two children (and you one?) does this mean that your daughter should get twice as much as hers, or half as much as she spends on them? I hope you can see that either way is nonsensical.

An equal partnership means financial swings and roundabouts, with both partners contributing what they can when they can, and neither taking advantage of the other. I don't think that your daughter staying put for a while is taking advantage, and TBH, I'm a bit worried that you are moving in with your girlfriend in the circumstances. Do you have any protection if things go wrong? If you are living in her house you might find that she holds all the cards.

Redhead56 Fri 04-Jun-21 19:36:32

It's pressure from the start stay as you are.

Katie59 Fri 04-Jun-21 19:38:04

Red flags indeed, be very careful, your partner sounds very dominant and once you are committed there is no going back.

My opinion is keep your finances separate, my partner does not want me involved in his affairs and I want to keep mine separate for my children. You can share day to day expenses and contribute to the mortgage if needed without taking a share in the house.

Your daughter living in your house might cause problems later,
what if she has a boyfriend move in, make sure she signs a standard tenancy agreement, even if it’s a peppercorn rent

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 04-Jun-21 22:52:42

Don’t let your new partner dictate how you treat your daughter, it has nothing to do with them, just as you have no say in how they treat their children, especially as yours won’t be moving in with you.

If they feel ‘very strongly’ about this after only 2 years heaven knows what problems will arise if you move in together.

If you decide independently to sell your home and put money into a joint home then fine, but you shouldn’t be nagged to do it. TBH I would wait the 4 years and then decide to move in or not.

welbeck Fri 04-Jun-21 23:08:57

you are asking the wrong question.
it's not about are you/not being fair to her/your daughter.
you are already being under undue influence.
do not give up your home.
stay where you are.

Lilypops Fri 04-Jun-21 23:09:46

Stay put ,, Wait a couple of years before making this decision. Your daughter should be considered first , what if it all goes wrong . You could be homeless ,
Why not just stay at your partners homes couple of nights a week just to see how it works out ,
Please don’t make hasty decisions ruled by your heart.

CanadianGran Fri 04-Jun-21 23:51:30

I'm really confused.
You have a grown daughter and grandchild living with you, finishing school in 3 years
Your partner has one child still at home, and will be for a few more years.

What's wrong with living together with you paying a share of her house (as a renter)? I can't see how she sees or cares about your daughter's situation, especially because she still supports hers for a few more years.

Wait until all the children are financially on their own and then purchase a house together.

welbeck Sat 05-Jun-21 00:20:55

as i read it, the partner wants half of OP's money.
red, red flags all over the place.

blondenana Sat 05-Jun-21 00:44:15

Been there done that.bad move.I would never leave my own home now for anyone .
I would advise you think very carefully,

Shanavine Sat 05-Jun-21 00:48:24

She thinks it like her charging me and it's not like being a real couple.
And it is my grown up daughter that has 3 years left in college.
Her daughter is 4.

Shanavine Sat 05-Jun-21 00:49:16

Ah in my granddaughter is 4.
My partners kids are 20 and 17

Oopsadaisy1 Sat 05-Jun-21 07:51:43

So she wants your money to ensure that her 2 children don’t get or fell left out ?

How odd.

You don’t owe her children anything, your money is for you and , if you choose, your daughter and GD, not to be divvied up between your partner and their children.

Oopsadaisy1 Sat 05-Jun-21 07:52:26

Feel left out not fell.
This blasted iPad has changed so many of my words it’s driving me crazy!