Gransnet forums


Do you wish you wish you had said something to your mum/dad before they died

(5 Posts)
Shinamae Tue 08-Jun-21 23:30:47

My dad was A fantastic dad although in the later part of my life he disowned me and as I was full blown alcoholic at the time I really don’t blame him. He has been dead a good few years and I Just wish I had told him certain things. That was the walks hr he used to take me and my brother on all through the countryside for hours on end,we used to walk fromMortehoe to lee,a long way to go for small children but we loved that!! He made a swing from a tree trunk and put it in the garage, he also made us stilts, which we hesitantly grew to walk on. He took us on a holiday (didn’t have many) to Wales to see a lot of the castles we thought that was brilliant as well.I do wish I’d said all this when Iwas at dads deathbed but I didn’t.In case you’re wondering we made up when my brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, a hell of a price to pay to repair a relationship shattered by use of alcohol.!!Oh and another thing he used to do which probably would be very frowned on now he would take us to the dumps out in the middle of fields for scrap metal there would be cars, general rubbish and I specially remember some dead sheep (didn’t faze us at all )Jimmy and I were only about seven and nine and we absolutely loved it,I just wished I had told him what a fantastic childhood he had given us…🤦‍♀️😪💐And properly thanked him for it, I’m sure it would have meant a lot to him

HillyN Tue 08-Jun-21 23:47:22

If you had so much fun at the time, as you say you did, I'm sure he could see that. My guess is that he loved doing these things with you and your enjoyment gave him much pleasure at the time and he would have remembered that.

Mouseybrown60 Wed 09-Jun-21 00:06:42

I think most people have regrets that they hadn’t told
their parents some loving truths before their mum and dad died. I’m sure that your dad remembered your childhood much as you do now. Hopefully he knew that you had turned around your life and would have been so proud of you.

Bluefox Wed 09-Jun-21 01:38:55

My heart goes out to you.
If you were estranged from your dad when he died that must be so difficult. Do you have children? I do and my feelings for them are all I can give to you. My love for them is unconditional, sometimes they have disappointed me but I go on loving them just the same. I expect your dad always loved you.
Sometimes those who love addicts are told to stop supporting their behaviour. It must be so very difficult to turn away from someone you love for their own sake. I don’t know if this is what your dad did
I think you need to make your peace with your dad, you need to say sorry for the pain you caused him. He cannot TELL you now that he forgives you but I’m pretty sure that he would welcome your apology. The very best thing you can do is to promise him that your life is changed and that you will carry him in your heart as you move forward, positively in your life.
I know he would be so proud of you!
You can still talk to him, I talk to my mum and dad often and I find that helpful.
Wishing you peace. 🙏🏻

Nannashirlz Mon 14-Jun-21 11:48:16

The last words I spoke to my dad was I love you dad. But that wasn’t in person it was on the phone at the time I was overseas with my ex military hubby. He died the following morning alone with a heart attack. My ex received the call and had to come home and tell me. That’s the day my heart broke. We stayed until after the funeral and that’s the day my mum said now he’s gone no need for you to visit anymore. At first I put it down to grieve and because I was the double of him. Yes she is my birth mother. Before anyone asks. But I tried many times to visit etc. an aunt said she said day he died I did too. My crime she got pregnant with me before they married. I’m the reason she had to. Not spoken in 22yrs. Or my two younger brothers She did marry the man she wanted to marry before my dad. So I heard.