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Daughter moving away

(49 Posts)
Mumofthree Wed 07-Jul-21 22:19:27

Just found out my daughter is moving away in a few months, shes met someone who lives an hour and a half away and they are going to find a place together. I haven't met him yet as they've only met a few times. I'm so upset that she's moving as we are very close, I'm worried because she's not long been divorced and hasn't really thought about this. I know she is grown up but our family is so small and he has a huge family and I know she will love that but she hardly knows him. I'm so worried and haven't stopped crying all night. I will miss her coming round for a cuppa and a chat as she lives in same town as me at the minute but I think its all too quick and I'm panicking a bit. I'm sure he's lovely and I will get to meet him soon she said. I am missing her before she's even a wreck. Any advice please....

V3ra Fri 09-Jul-21 19:01:13

I think it could be more down to her currently being single that you chat so much.
My daughter divorced and we talked a lot more than when she was married. Lots of late night text chats for example. Then she met a new partner so obviously that didn't continue!
That could have happened with your daughter even if she'd met a new partner and wasn't moving away.
Either way she knows you'll still be there if she needs you.

3dognight Fri 09-Jul-21 19:14:22

Lots of good advice, you have to let her go with good grace, and good wishes.

Like you, I would also like to meet him.
But I would not press the matter, as it’s non of my business.

Mumofthree Sat 10-Jul-21 10:53:28

hi, yes my daughter wants me to meet him and she has just rung me to say he is coming over next weekend to meet me and her sister. She is with him for the weekend and I am looking forward to it.

Namsnanny Sat 10-Jul-21 12:36:47

Of course she wants you to meet him!! Regardless of her age.
And you want to meet him too.

What could be more natural.

Keep posting if it helps, and let us know how you get on Mumofthreesmile

Hithere Sat 10-Jul-21 13:45:40

So glad you will meet him!

3dognight Sat 10-Jul-21 13:51:36

Mumofthree, that’s wonderful news re meeting your dear daughters new partner- my heart went out to you when I responded yesterday.
Hope you sleep soundly tonight!

Mumofthree Sun 11-Jul-21 12:31:21

just want to thank everyone who responded to my post. I know you all understand how I feel when you have had the pleasure of your children living near to you for so long. It will be so hard when she goes but I am determined to not interfere and I will tell her she knows where I am if she needs me no matter when. If for any reason it doesn't work out she knows she is welcome here even though I only have a 1 bedroomed bungalow she is my daughter and I love her to bits. So lovely to know I am not as alone as I thought I was and I have no partner to discuss things with, so many of you have children living away from you in other countries that must be so hard and I feel quite selfish now. However, I am continuing my plans to buy a campervan and get away for weekends until I retire, I could retire in September when I will 66 but I am going to carry on till next June to save up a bit more. again, thank you,

wondergran Sat 17-Jul-21 08:17:55

I just hope that when you meet him, you like him. It's a great idea to get a campervan. You will miss your daughter greatly when/if she does move but its important to keep yourself busy and live life to the full.

jenpax Sat 17-Jul-21 08:43:26

I lived 3 hours from 2 of my 3 AC for nearly 10 years and that was a manageable distance. 90 minutes is a day trip distance so take heart

Polarbear2 Sat 17-Jul-21 09:02:59

Good luck. I hope things work out for you. If you miss her that much you can take your new van and park on her drive! Be the lady in the van ???. Just joking. I wish you well.

denbylover Fri 30-Jul-21 04:14:50

It doesn’t help that you haven’t met him yet. Hopefully once you have had the chance to get to know him a bit you will see why your daughter is fond of him. I understand your concerns, but speak to your daughter without bias and try and understand from her why this man is special to her. Despite your fears, please try and support her, she needs you on her side, remember this is a huge shift in her life also, new relationship, new home, new town and job. Keep the lines of communication open, she still very much needs you in her life.

danielasha Fri 30-Jul-21 11:12:46

Just keep being her mother - love her, support her. And let go.

barbramalo Fri 30-Jul-21 11:33:08

Let your daughter make her own decisions. She doesn't go that far. You can always see her if you want

Mumofthree Tue 17-Aug-21 19:59:01

Well, My daughter's boyfriend came over to meet us a couple of weeks ago. It was only an hour or so as they had made plans to visit a few places while he was here for the weekend. He seems really nice, quite shy, yet they looked very happy together. I hope they will make a go of it as she is very special to me. They are looking at houses to rent now.

I am feeling a bit better about her moving away but then I have days when I just want to cry my eyes out as I will miss her so much.
She pops in some days after she finishes work, and I will miss those times so badly... I retire in June and I did buy a campervan as planned. I have joined a group of other ladies who have campervans and they meet up for weekends away.
My family is so small, I have a brother and sister in law near me but they doesn't socialise really and so I don't see them very often, My sister and her husband keep to themselves as they do lots of running/marathons etc. I only have my eldest daughter near me but she has a partner who has anxiety issues and my grandson who is 21 is disabled so I only see her when I take her shopping or when we go out with the daughter who is moving away. Of course I will still see her and take her places she needs to go, even to visit her sisters.
I think I am suddenly realising I could so easily end up with no one and it is a very sad situation to be in.
I have another daughter who lives down south but due to Covid I haven't seen her or my son in law and GD for nearly 2 years. We are meeting up in two weeks however, this is probably the last time my 3 girls and I will all be together with them all living in different areas.
I am hoping to get out in my campervan once I retire and stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with my life.

Mumofthree Sat 18-Sep-21 19:31:03

well, today my daughter moved away to start a new life with her partner. I have met him a few times now and he is lovely, I have driven over to see their house and helped wallpaper their fireplace at their request just before they properly moved in.
She was crying when she said goodbye to me and her sister as she said she really only had us two near her and will miss popping in to see us, I reminded her it only took me an hour and 20 minutes to drive over last week to see the house and we will see her regularly, we all hugged and told her she is doing the best thing for her.
She messaged me when they got to the new house in the furniture van and is feeling a bit better now.
I am happy for her, but so sad too. I will miss her as well, my middle daughter lives down south and I hardly see her because it's a 5 hour drive and I still work and covid etc.... however, I retire next June so I am hoping to get out to visit them whenever I can and when I know they are happy for me to visit. I still have my eldest daughter near me so I will take her to visit her sisters too.
Just feeling a bit down.. but I am happy too that she was brave enough to go with her heart.

love0c Sat 18-Sep-21 19:45:08

Mumofthree It sounds to be working out a bit now doesn't it? I think it will get and feel better still in a little while too. Well dome for reassuring her it is not too far away. You are a good mum and she knows this. You will have down days, we all do. but remember you will have good days too smile Keep posting when you feel you need a bit of support and a chat! Someone is always in here! smile xxx

Mumofthree Sat 18-Sep-21 20:02:00


Mumofthree It sounds to be working out a bit now doesn't it? I think it will get and feel better still in a little while too. Well dome for reassuring her it is not too far away. You are a good mum and she knows this. You will have down days, we all do. but remember you will have good days too smile Keep posting when you feel you need a bit of support and a chat! Someone is always in here! smile xxx

thank you so much, it was hard seeing her crying but I hugged her hard and so did her sister, we are going over to visit the weekend after next so we are all looking forward to that.
I bought my longed for campervan 6 weeks ago for when I retire and my daughter said there are lovely camping places near Leeds where they live and they also said I can stay in the spare room too if I want. I am just a bit sad which is normal I know. Her partner said he will look after her which melted my heart too. xx

Lolo81 Sun 19-Sep-21 01:28:37

Your DD must be so excited (although tinged with sadness) for the start of this new adventure. I just wanted to comment and give you all the kudos and recognition you deserve for being such a good supportive mum OP. The fact that you’ve put your own hurt and sadness aside to support your DD’s choice even though you were so anxious about it shows what a wonderful wonderful mum you are. I hope you have many happy years touring in your can and that your wee family continues to be happy! And remember we’re always here on GN to listen (is it listening on a forum IDK ?‍♀️) if you have a wee down day here and there.

Lolo81 Sun 19-Sep-21 01:29:28

Van not can ??

TillyTrotter Sun 19-Sep-21 08:43:05

I applaud you too Mumofthree . Even though the shock of your DD’s news that she was moving away hit you hard, you have already started to make plans for yourself and be happy for the plans your DD has re: her new home and life.
We have to keep our sadnesses to ourselves; unless we know our adult Children are in danger we have to let them go and live independently of us.
It is what a wonderful mum like you does. When you retire you can many happy adventures, holidays, hobbies that will fill up some of your time.
And lots of visits to DD’s to share happy times. ?

SuzieHi Sun 19-Sep-21 09:46:41

Be happy for her. Hopefully you’ll calm down once you’ve met him a few times. Can always chat on phone or FaceTime. Meeting in the middle is only 45mins away.

Mumofthree Sun 19-Sep-21 09:59:09

Thank you all for the posts and kind words. She messaged me last night to say she is feeling happier after being upset at leaving us and she will miss me but I am welcome anytime and in 2 weeks I am going to visit with her sister in my van and she is taking us shopping in Leeds. I am so excited. I know I panicked when I first learned she was moving but I am looking at the positives now and seeing how she is with her partner and the way he looks after her is so reassuring. again, thank you. I will have sad days I know, but I am happy she has got the chance of a fresh start. x

love0c Sun 19-Sep-21 20:29:03

Mumofthree I am really pleased for you smile You sound so much happier and have exciting times ahead! It is all good!! [smile ]xx