divorce

You can leave and share somewhere with your daughter until shes on her feet. You can also register your interest in the property, at the Land Registry, if you own it. Then he cant sell it without your involvement. While you sort out the divorce finalisation.

FlissGransnet Its very kind of you to respond to cher45 who really does seem extremely distressed. I am hoping she does respond by taking the advice she has been given and her situation is changed for the better.

Look this is a situation that can’t go on you are making each other poisonous and he is escaping to work and his room and you are so unhappy you are mentally despondent, there is no escape for either of you in the same house Theres obviously been no love for 20 years or more Why are you staying ?
You say he ll cry I m sure you ll both cry because it’s a horrible situation you ve put up with for so many years and now your daughter has tried to kill herself which adds to all your dreadful fears (is he her father?)
Get out the house, take your daughter with you, get some counselling and a solicitor
Your husband needs help too but you can’t help him it’s not working
You are toxic together
You have to do something, not keep thinking about doing something, for all three of your sakes

And of you feel that you "can't go on" then please talk to a friend, call your Dr or please call the Samaritans

Cher you appear to be typing very quickly etc. Are you afraid of him seeing and what might happen if he does?

Please go and get legal advice. But if you are fearful of what might happen please also contact a women's shelter and get advice on making yourself safe

Can you get in touch with women's aid? His behaviour is abusive and not helping you or your daughter. No wonder you are exhausted.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

“I imagine it is hard for Cher's husband to work seven days a week. “

Some men are just workaholics to the exclusion of everything else, I know a few, most make token concession to the family but would rarely go on holiday with the family. You need to be very self reliant to do that, even if money is abundant you still have to make your own social life.

If you are serious about leaving make sure you have enough cash to rent a place for a few months until it is all settled. You will never regret it.

What’s happened Cher? Can you give us a bit more information?

what to do when you cant go on nothing is working out for you

Hello Cher you are dealing with so much, and I can tell from your post how tired you are.
Try to get some help from your Doctor and Women's Aid.
You can get out of this relationship and you can do it, honestly, you can. Don't give up keep going and you will get to the other side.
Sending love

cher45
You have been brave and started the "ball rolling" before - so you know it is possible.
You also know that the promises never really materialised...
So maybe now is a good time. Look at this as a positive new start, it may feel scary but it IS possible.

I worked in refuge for some years and know that it often takes several "goes" to leave. You are not unusual in this. Don't be disheartened. There will have been other things in your life that will seem scary for a while and then looking back you can see you have survived and even grown in the doing of it.
Riding a bike, learning to swim, driving a car for the first time alone, new jobs, childbirth...

Take strength from the fact that many, many people do break free and live again. You can do it! You are more capable and stronger than you currently believe but you need not be alone in this as there IS support out there.

Good luck.

Whatever else you do or don’t do. Leave this destructive relationship. Anything will be better than the life you have. You are entitled to half of everything, make sure you get it and begin again. It is not too late so don’t worry about that. You deserve better, you will get there.

You are unhappy, he is unhappy, what are you waiting for? See a solicitor and maybe you both can go on and live happier, more fulfilled lives.

Cher I've sent a PM. It's a scary situation, but believe me you can do this. I don't know what you call too late, but I was 68 and now have a totally different and fulfilling life.

If you tried, and he failed before, you know not to trust him this time around. You deserve to have, at the very least, a calm and peaceful life.

jaylucy you have been so understanding has have so many

I am so grateful for your surpport more than you would ever know !!Caleo I have cooked meals up to last week in fridge then thrown away I have steaks given to dog I have tried!! I worked harder than him in past jobs , No help no time for anyone . I have asked him to see Doctor his mother had mental health problems she didnt eat. I need to look after myself now !! and help kids Move on I just havent the belief or confidence He ll cry when he gets papers promise to get help and change I tried 2years ago I was stupid gave in.

You need to put your own oxygen mask first before assisting others - this applies very well here

You need professional help to get out if this relationship, as you have to put up with it for 20 years.

If your daughter grew up in this dynamic, I bet it affected her in her childhood and adulthood.

I am saying this in good faith, not to offend you- how much can you really help your daughter when you feel so lost?

I hope you all get the support you need to get out of this, I know you will succeed in achieving a better outcome in your lives

Get a good lawyer! Life will be much better for you, don't live with this!

It surprises me you have put up with this for 20 years. I hope you can get a divorce quickly.

Whatever happens, and where ever you go from here, I don't think it can possibly be worse than the situation you describe.

I hope it all turns out well for you.

So sad you’re feeling so low Cher, I think if Cher, needs to take her husband ‘ healthy food on a tray’ Caleo, ‘ to get him in a better mood’, it really is time to leave! I understand what you’re saying about doing work round the house, and organising things. This would all be normal and reasonable within a happy marriage, but this one isn’t. I would bet he works seven days a week, to be out of the way.
Cher, don’t give up, make that call to CAB. You’ll feel so much better making that first step.
I hope it goes well?

You have taken the right step in consulting a lawyer as at least you will have someone that has got your back legally.
Have you told him that you are thinking of divorce?
I can't think of anything worse than sharing a house with someone that acts like he is and I don't know how you have put up with it!
If I was feeling kind, I would say that he possibly is suffering from either depression or some other mental health problem but you need to make plans for a life without him in it.
Without him, and your daughter, what would you like to do ? Is there anywhere else you would like to live besides where you are?
I think you need to make plans for your own future. You can only support your daughter so far and I hope that, besides you, she has got other support from outside the immediate family or it might be a good idea to ask what she would like to happen - where she would like to live etc and take it from there.
Please don't put up with his behaviour any longer. It is not your fault that he is like he is. See your GP or a counsellor to help you make some steps towards your own future - you are as important as anyone else in this scenario and please don't lose sight of that.

I imagine it is hard for Cher's husband to work seven days a week.

Why should Cher not cut the grass herself?

I hope you are okay financially, Cher. That seems to be the priority. In the meantime your husband might be in a better mood if you take healthy food to him on a tray. Just something simple but wholesome. He is not an ideal husband but no husband is ideal husband.