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divorce

(40 Posts)

GNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

cher45 Fri 09-Jul-21 10:44:43

We have had separate bedrooms for 20years we dont speak he
cant with out be nasty everything that happens is my fault doesnt eat with us works 7 days a week rest of time in room in bed eats in room pastys and crisps chocolate like a teenager I cut grass get workmen to do work on house has was bought with view to do up ?? I cant take anymore just lost job I had having timeoff to look after daughter just returned after gaslight relsoionship took over dose he said after laying in bed at 4am when all started no surprised living with you I have started taking to lawyers Its hard giving up on home scared of later life alone but cant face with him help!!!

GillT57 Sun 11-Jul-21 12:53:35

You are unhappy, he is unhappy, what are you waiting for? See a solicitor and maybe you both can go on and live happier, more fulfilled lives.

Sparkling Sun 11-Jul-21 18:49:13

Whatever else you do or don’t do. Leave this destructive relationship. Anything will be better than the life you have. You are entitled to half of everything, make sure you get it and begin again. It is not too late so don’t worry about that. You deserve better, you will get there.

NotSpaghetti Sun 11-Jul-21 19:00:01

cher45
You have been brave and started the "ball rolling" before - so you know it is possible.
You also know that the promises never really materialised...
So maybe now is a good time. Look at this as a positive new start, it may feel scary but it IS possible.

I worked in refuge for some years and know that it often takes several "goes" to leave. You are not unusual in this. Don't be disheartened. There will have been other things in your life that will seem scary for a while and then looking back you can see you have survived and even grown in the doing of it.
Riding a bike, learning to swim, driving a car for the first time alone, new jobs, childbirth...

Take strength from the fact that many, many people do break free and live again. You can do it! You are more capable and stronger than you currently believe but you need not be alone in this as there IS support out there.

Good luck.
flowers

lavenderzen Sun 11-Jul-21 19:01:23

Hello Cher you are dealing with so much, and I can tell from your post how tired you are.
Try to get some help from your Doctor and Women's Aid.
You can get out of this relationship and you can do it, honestly, you can. Don't give up keep going and you will get to the other side.
Sending love flowers

cher45 Thu 12-Aug-21 10:14:54

what to do when you cant go on nothing is working out for you

DiscoDancer1975 Thu 12-Aug-21 10:25:13

What’s happened Cher? Can you give us a bit more information?

Katie59 Thu 12-Aug-21 11:20:56

“I imagine it is hard for Cher's husband to work seven days a week. “

Some men are just workaholics to the exclusion of everything else, I know a few, most make token concession to the family but would rarely go on holiday with the family. You need to be very self reliant to do that, even if money is abundant you still have to make your own social life.

If you are serious about leaving make sure you have enough cash to rent a place for a few months until it is all settled. You will never regret it.

NotSpaghetti Thu 12-Aug-21 19:12:52

Can you get in touch with women's aid? His behaviour is abusive and not helping you or your daughter. No wonder you are exhausted.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Madgran77 Thu 12-Aug-21 19:44:07

Cher you appear to be typing very quickly etc. Are you afraid of him seeing and what might happen if he does?

Please go and get legal advice. But if you are fearful of what might happen please also contact a women's shelter and get advice on making yourself safe flowers

Madgran77 Thu 12-Aug-21 19:52:20

And of you feel that you "can't go on" then please talk to a friend, call your Dr or please call the Samaritans

BlueBelle Thu 12-Aug-21 20:03:30

Look this is a situation that can’t go on you are making each other poisonous and he is escaping to work and his room and you are so unhappy you are mentally despondent, there is no escape for either of you in the same house Theres obviously been no love for 20 years or more Why are you staying ?
You say he ll cry I m sure you ll both cry because it’s a horrible situation you ve put up with for so many years and now your daughter has tried to kill herself which adds to all your dreadful fears (is he her father?)
Get out the house, take your daughter with you, get some counselling and a solicitor
Your husband needs help too but you can’t help him it’s not working
You are toxic together
You have to do something, not keep thinking about doing something, for all three of your sakes

FlissGransnet (GNHQ) Thu 12-Aug-21 20:10:53

Hi cher45,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling so low.

Please contact the Samaritans, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.
Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, if you are really struggling it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus
Gov.UK: Find out what support you can get if you’re affected by coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

We really hope life looks a lot brighter for you soon.
Very best wishes from MNHQ flowers

Redhead56 Thu 12-Aug-21 21:02:55

FlissGransnet Its very kind of you to respond to cher45 who really does seem extremely distressed. I am hoping she does respond by taking the advice she has been given and her situation is changed for the better.

User7777 Thu 12-Aug-21 23:39:11

You can leave and share somewhere with your daughter until shes on her feet. You can also register your interest in the property, at the Land Registry, if you own it. Then he cant sell it without your involvement. While you sort out the divorce finalisation.