Logged in just to say how sorry I am for you OP. Also make sure to consult a lawyer before moving any assets or money - as I’m not sure in Britain but in North America that can get you in loads of trouble if divorce proceedings move forward. Overall I would suggest you should get legal advice on your unique situation before your husband is discharged.
Best of luck. You’ll be in my families thoughts and prayers 
.
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Relationships
Husband becoming obsessed with much younger single neighbour
(289 Posts)Perhaps someone can tell me if i am imaging something here. DH is 72 and i am 68. We have been married for almost 40 years with never any problems until now.
Almost a year ago a young woman with 5 young children moved into the large bungalow opposite our property. I thought she was in her 30s but ive found out recently she is 44. She has always been very friendly, chatty, the house is always busy and since restrictions ease numerous men and women visit her house. She has always struck me as independent and (not at all wanting to pass judgement) appears to have plenty of money - lots of trips away, outings for the kids etc. she is at home a lot as she runs a business from home.
DH and I used to chat to her outside her garden. DH has even volunteered to help her with a crumbling wall around 5 months ago even though the work was hard for him. Since that day DH is constantly watches her house out of the window, constantly tells me everytime there is movement in the house. We had her mobile number that some time ago she gave us both but I know DH is messaging her on whatsapp. He has started to keep his phone on him all the time. Once when he left it on the sofa whilst he was in the bathroom there was scrolls of messages from him asking her how she was, could he do anything for her, would she like coffee. He told her he is free at any time to come round. She had replied to around 1 in every 10 of his messages. He also goes into the front garden when he knows she will leave and return on the school run.
I have tried to discuss this with him but he shuts me down or tells me he is trying to be friendly and implies i am the suspicious wife.
I am concerned. What on earth does he want with a 44 year old with 5 kids. she is younger then our oldest son. In one way i feel like he may be harassing her and causing awkwardness. In the other hand i wonder if she is loving the attention and there is more going on then i realise. If he sees young men - (30s/40s) go into her house he goes into a sulk for days on end. This is becoming unbearable. Or am is it really just in my head as surely - she is 28 years younger then him shes not interested is she?
As i said talking to him gets nowhere. He shuts down or doesnt speak to me for hours. Im feeling lost. sorry for length of post.
Germanshepherdsmum I agree totally with your post
You are not taking into consideration onwardandupward that this man is probably not acting as he normally would he very obviously has a severe mental health problem which is causing him to act this way and sounds as if it has developed over the last year he could have Alzheimer’s starting, he could have Parkinson’s, or he could have a brain tumour which changes totally people normal outlook
Calling him a hateful man is not kind to Bettina who has obviously had a decent marriage for a long long time
Please Bettina get a) legal advise CAB would help you if you can’t afford a solicitor and b) some counselling to help you see the wood from the trees
Hoping you are OK Bettinalove and that you’ve been able to get some legal advice. Speak to Women’s Aid if you feel unsafe at all.
Thinking of you bettina
Thinking of you bettinalove.
Amen sister, well said!?
Oops, sorry, I meant to quote someone,ignore me I'm new! I hope you can find a way through this bettinalove, how very sad.
I agree with most comments you need to speak to her and hopefully put your mind at rest, i too would be suspicious, but the longer you leave it the worse it will be for your health, it might help her too, she might want to talk to you about it if it is becoming a problem to her,
Maddison please read back over the thread. There have been significant developments that I think you have missed.
I do hope you are ok bettina
As notspaghetti says maddison you need to read the whole story
Maddison. On Mumsnet they are more direct with posters who comment without reading the thread.
The usual answer is RTFT.
Hello everyone. Hoping everyone is keeping well. Things are sadly not going to plan. DH was released from hospital last week as they could not find any reason for him being there. DH came home, i had little time to prepare. I think he had known he was coming home but as i am no longer his NOK in the hospital records i did not know until a few hours before. DH came home. Nothing seems to have changed. DH continues to watch out of the window although he no longer goes on the drive. Physically his mobility is worse then before. He is having difficulty getting out of a chair and gets a lot of back and hip pain. DH does not acknowledge me so i do not enter the living room. I have refrained to cook for him or do any washing for him with him showing so little respect to me. These are tasks of which he is struggling with. I do however clean the house except his room as i have to live here. I have spent some time with DD and SIL. I am trying to fill the days keeping busy with other activities. We are like ghosts living in the same house.
DH has told DS2 that he is getting the divorce sorted so just waiting for him to give me paperwork. DH seems convinced he will be keeping the house. DS2 has been quite firm with him saying he will help deal with the legal aspects. I believe DH thinks DS2 will favour him. DS1 is not coping and has become angry to both DH and myself. I am not seeing him at present. If the divorce happens i will go to DD for some time. The company of my AC and DGD is what keeps me going at the moment.
Im sorry i couldnt give you all better news and thanks for all your support. xxx
Thank you for coming back - and what changes you are managing in such a short time! I think you should at least feel pleased that you are holding your head up and surviving. You may feel wobbly now and then, no doubt, but the practical things are at least in motion (we hope). Hold onto the idea that a new and less stressful life will come along in due course.
I'm sorry that your 1st son is struggling so much and has become angry. I think maybe your other son will help him understand what has been going on- and the pain it has caused you. He obviously loves both you and your husband and is massively conflicted about trying to come to terms with the changes in your lives. All this is new to him, but you have lived these changes for a long time now.
Thank goodness you have your other dear children to help you.
I'm sure we are all on here wishing you well and hoping for the very best outcome.
Oh Bettinalove I'm so sorry the situation with your DH hasn't improved and totally understand you not being prepared to do anything for him....he really does not deserve it...he has treated you appallingly!
I also understand your disbelief that your 40 year marriage has come to this, as several years ago my DH went through a midlife crisis, which very nearly ended our marriage. Some things are similar, but not to the extreme lengths you are experiencing.
I really wish you all the best for the difficult times ahead and please keep in touch on here whenever you need support.
I'm sorry to hear this, Bettinalove.
I do hope you will stand up for your rights and what you are entitled to after 40 years of marriage, with the help of your other son.
DH seems convinced he will be keeping the house
In which case he must buy you out to enable you to find somewhere suitable for yourself.
Good luck.
What a horrible situation to be in Bettinalove.
I'm so glad you have the support of your daughter and younger son, though they must be devastated as well.
Is your husband "getting the divorce sorted" by himself or is he using a solicitor? I do hope you've had some proper legal advice yourself.
Very best wishes x
It is nice of you to come back*Bettinalove*. It is good your family is helping you, however you must also look after yourself. May I suggest that, if you can go for short walks (at your own speed), they will help to reduce your stress level and increase your self-esteem. Either leave the house on foot or take the car somewhere, (if you can drive) and enjoy one in the morning and another in the afternoon, they will help you change your thoughts. Take care.
Bettinialove, I have nothing useful to offer but I do hope that you will stand up for everything you are entitled to if it does come to divorce. Why should he be entitled to the house? Half of that is yours and you need to make sure that you get half the value of it. You need that money to help support yourself. Please seek legal advice if you haven't already. As hard as it is when you are hurting so much, you need to protect yourself.
So sorry it is going this way.
1. You must inform your neighbour that he is back
2. Contact a lawyer immediately
3. Protect yourself. Despite his weakness and lack of mobility, he could still hurt you, physically and mentally
Do not be alone with him, ever.
Sorry to hear your latest news. I cannot add more than the previous posters but hope you too are receiving help with legal matters. Please look after your health and mental well-being and come on here for support. x
Bettinalove for you
Thank you for returning, and great sympathy for this dire situation you have been thrust into.
Are you, and your husband, receiving any professional support from medical, social and police liaison services?
It is concerning that you are left to cope with your husband, still watching the neighbour and living in some sort of fantasy world where he thinks he can divorce you at will . You must seek legal advice and clarify your situation; no need to take action but be ready with your response should he initiate proceedings, although unlikely as he is clearly not of sound mind at present.
Has your doctor seen you yet? You are living under intolerable strain and you are entitled to support; please insist on it now.
So sorry to hear things have not improved at all Bettinalove I agree with everything eazybee has said in her last post. Also your husband can't assume the house will be his, this is simply not the case.
I have thought of you often Bettinalove and am so relieved you have come back to tell us how things are for you. Please remember you have lots of friends on Gransnet and that you can speak to us at anytime. ?
Bless you. Sad to hear things are no better, but at least I think you can get closure now. Make sure you take proper advice to protect yourself and your finances, before signing anything. Get a lawyer.
I do hope you will be able to put all this behind you, and that you’ll find peace and happiness again soon.
All the best ?
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