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My daughter, with 2 siblings living abroad, resents being my next of kin.

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Tomthumb Sat 07-Aug-21 21:37:58

I have two adult children living abroad, and one local one, my youngest. Now I am a widow, I've moved to a big retirement village, where there is everything available, including care if needed. I am 87 but very fit and healthy, riding a bike, driving, playing badminton, but do realise this could change.

My local daughter bitterly resents her sister choosing to live far away, when we were in our eighties. She does not have to do anything for me at the moment, but expects the worst, I imagine. She is dutiful, but not warm towards me, and is not keen to chat on the phone. Just now, my older daughter is staying here, and the younger one won't even speak to her and discuss the situation, so we can't get anywhere.
I've even offered to employ a mediator, but no. Any ideas, please?

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Madgran77 Mon 09-Aug-21 07:25:43

Why is she worrying about what might happen in the future? Has she always been a worrier?.....Usually though, we just cross that bridge when we come to it!

I don't think most cross that bridge when they come to it. I think some, including TTs daughter, may be a "look ahead and consider and prepare for all possibilities" sort of personality.

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Oopsadaisy1 Mon 09-Aug-21 08:46:20

Change your next of kin to somebody else, see if your daughter changes towards you, she might heave a huge sigh of relief and become a changed person.
On the other hand her lack of caring might have nothing to do with her being next of kin. Her resentment towards her siblings might be due to something else entirely.
Have you tried chatting to her about it? As you say you are living somewhere that will offer nursing care as well if needed.
Maybe a POA would be the best way forward and it could include all of your ACs not just your ‘local’ child.

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