Some of you may remember my previous post"another failed marriage" and I was so grateful for all the support I received then. Over the past few months, I have been getting my head round things including speaking with a lawyer, telling my children (not his biologically) about the abuse. If you remember, the house we live in is in my sole name as it was bought with the proceeds from my house I owned pre marriage and my dad's inheritance. He had sold his own house post marriage and filtered away the proceeds in his own named accounts. Finally he agreed I could get an estate agent round to value the house in the hope of putting it up for sale. The day after this happened, he assaulted me again when we were arguing, pushed me over twice and hurt me. He ran out the door and went away in his car. This time, for the first time, I called the police. I was in a terrible state and had just had enough. The coercive behaviour had been getting worse too. I think the fact that I had had the estate agent round which meant we were definitely going our separate ways was enough to send him overboard. The police arrived and were very good. They spent a long time asking me about the incident and I told them previous incidents and the coercive controlling behaviour. They were about to leave, having said if he came home, I had to phone them back when he arrived back. The police ladies went out and arrested him on the spot, he was protesting his innocence. Meanwhile my horrid neighbours are having a field day and are blatantly out in their front gardens, talking over their fences to each other, watching everything (to this day, not one of these ignorant people have even come to my door to see I am alright!!, I believe they think I have lowered the tone of their neighbourhood) .Husband is then taken away in a police van and I am taken to A and E with a broken wrist. To cut a long story short, he has been charged with assault to injury, has been bailed to his mother's house, with conditions not to come anywhere near me or contact me. He has been up in court, pled not guilty (as seemingly most of them do) and the trial is set for November. My lawyer has is now in negotiations with his lawyer as to a separation agreement and trying to get the house on the market but cant do so until the separation agreement is sorted out. He is doing as I knew he would, regardless of the situation. He is trying to get at least £130k as a settlement from a house he has neither contributed to the purchase of or paid any mortgage etc for (there is no mortgage thankfully), meanwhile it would appear that I cannot touch his pension, his assets from his previous house sale or any other assets he has. He is also wanting half the house contents which again I paid for or were mine pre marriage. Truly the man has no guilt!! I have now told other close friends what has been going on and they are shocked. My children have been wonderful but I feel like a disaster zone. What on earth did I ever see in this human being to allow him into my life? My gut instincts which are normally good went out the window. Tge alarm bells should have been ringing loud and clear...I was his 3rd wife, he has two biological AC who refuse to have anything to do with him, his daughter calls him "a toxic abusive manipulator " and his two previous stepchildren have nothing to do with him either. OMG...I feel like I must have been mad!!! I have let my family down so much, at least my dear parents aren't still alive to see this mess. Due to all the mental coercive behaviour and gaslighting (a term I had never heard of until a OP on my previous post highlighted), I feel I cannot trust anyone anymore, apart from my kids and dearest friends. But what is worse is I cannot trust my own judgement anymore. How I move forward in life, I just do not know. However the one positive is that finally I am not living with an abuser and just maybe, I can have a happy life ahead. I have been served with papers which mean I have to go to court as a witness against him. I feel completely ill at the thought of that.This will only be avoided if he pleads guilty at the pre trial which given he cannot accept responsibility for any of his actions, is unlikely unless his lawyer can persuade him otherwise. He still has a key to the house and I am terrified he will come in. The police have a "marker" on the house so that if I phone 999, they will be here very quickly but how quick?? My AC live a long way from me and though they have individually come up to stay, they have their own lives and I am now here alone. I just want to get on with selling the house and move nearer to my kids and my true friends but that still seems a hurdle away. I have some good days but as you can tell, this isn't one of them!!!! X
