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Weaponised incompetence

(45 Posts)
GagaJo Wed 25-Aug-21 21:38:20

A husband tricking his wife into holding his hand through an activity he should be able to do likely results in her taking it on herself and absolving him of the responsibility.

I'm not an expert with this. My ex WAS incompetent when it came to domesticity and still is with his 2nd wife. Hoovers, but it still needs doing when he's finished. Breaks so much stuff when washing up, it isn't worth making him (and our daughter has inherited this from him!).

Interesting though.

www.dailydot.com/irl/tiktok-shopping-list-incompetence/?utm_medium=sJ8OTU&utm_source=liqsoc&lsid=-dwmtqznze&fbclid=IwAR15-1FSfowjzl3pjlMw1MQz9d9KgNLQoF_RmYbZU4_o4J5aNb4ksysf2UA

Amberone Wed 25-Aug-21 21:43:44

Works for both genders though - how many women bat their eyelashes to get men to mow the grass/clean the car/do anything else they don't want to do. I know women who won't fill their car up or get it serviced.

GagaJo Wed 25-Aug-21 21:47:52

LOL I don't cut the grass. I don't use my wiles tho. I bellow, 'Cut the f-ing grass!'

CanadianGran Wed 25-Aug-21 22:41:00

Somehow from the title of the thread, I had a completely different picture in my mind. Not a nice one. Incontinence...

Anyway.... my BIL is completely useless. Ask him to do a simple task and he always manages to bungle it. Men went out on a fishing trip, came home with quite a few salmon. Husband and friend cleaned and filleted the fish, while BIL was suggested to help me with vacuum packing. After 20 minutes I told him to go have a lie-down since he couldn't seem to understand a piece of fish going into a plastic bag and seal the end. Managed to get fish bits everywhere but the bag. Then I had to get him a cup of tea since he couldn't figure out our kettle... oh boy! He is the same with everything, don't know how he manages to get his socks on in the morning.

V3ra Wed 25-Aug-21 22:43:06

I had a warning sign on the dashboard in my car recently, didn't recognise it but checked the handbook: low tyre pressure apparently. Got out, looked at all the tyres and decided I'd be ok driving the short distance home.
Told my husband when he got back from work, as I'd hoped he immediately took it to the garage and dealt with it.

It occurred to me that in 29 years of driving I have never put air in a car tyre at the garage.
(Though I used to have an old Vauxhall Chevette with a slow puncture that I had to use a foot pump on every day before I went anywhere 🤦).

Jackiest Thu 26-Aug-21 02:39:56

If I want something done I will do it. Never have agreed with this is a man's job or this is a woman's job.

rosie1959 Thu 26-Aug-21 07:07:53

V3ra my car has this warning its very handy but I go and sort my own tyres out as my husband is not insured on my car Better to be able to do it myself
Mind you i also do most of the gardening and all decorating.

Katie59 Thu 26-Aug-21 07:40:33

Come on, women are past masters at playing the helpless female to get men to do things. In the case of the OP, don’t expect a man to do cleaning to your standards, they just don’t see things.
In my case it does not apply, I have selective eyesight as well.

sodapop Thu 26-Aug-21 08:24:39

I don't think it's always a case of man's job or women's job. In our house it just falls that way as we do the things we are most comfortable with.

eazybee Thu 26-Aug-21 09:05:22

Having mown my overgrown lawn yesterday (my son usually does it) I would not dream of accusing anyone of 'weaponised incompetence', (what a daft expression). The grass is now short and that is about it; I deliberately started in the back garden so the neighbours could not see the tangle I got into with the lead and my difficulty in turning corners.

Newly married, I heard someone describing her husband's attempts at hoovering: 'well, he does it but I have to follow him round and do it properly because it isn't up to my standards'. She was surprised when a) he eventually refused to do it and b) he eventually left her.

Galaxy Thu 26-Aug-21 09:09:31

I think women leaving men due to not sharing the load is a very common phenomenon.

Zoejory Thu 26-Aug-21 09:09:41

Jackiest

If I want something done I will do it. Never have agreed with this is a man's job or this is a woman's job.

Quite agree. Surprised this is even a thing, to be honest.

Grandmabatty Thu 26-Aug-21 09:43:10

I've lived alone for the last twenty years and I've had to learn to manage everything. I used to do all my own decorating as I didn't have spare cash to use professionals. I tiled my kitchen and utility walls, sorted the garden, brought up two children and kept various cars running as well as working full time. Now I pay for a decorator and someone to cut hedges but I still build up furniture etc. I have no time for anyone who is incompetent at managing their life unless there is a medical reason.

Boz Thu 26-Aug-21 10:17:19

Feel somewhat red-faced reading all this. I hate ironing so make a mess of his shirts so he resorts to ironing his own clothes.
On the other hand he pretends to be unable to tidy up (fear of throwing away stuff) so we deserve each other.

dragonfly46 Thu 26-Aug-21 10:21:41

It certainly isn't just male. My mother was a master at this and always got other people to do the things she didn't want to by being deliberately incompetent.

nadateturbe Thu 26-Aug-21 10:25:34

I don't know anyone male or female who tries to trick partners into doing jobs. They might nag or moan about having to do things.
Personally we each do what we are comfortable with. My husband loves ironing. I do some diy. Except for heavy jobs which husband does.
The only problem is if I ask my husband to do something, he has to let some time lapse so that it doesn't look like he's taking orders. The problem is as he gets older he sometimes forgets. And then I feel like doing what Gagajo does.

Granmarderby10 Thu 26-Aug-21 11:02:36

Amberone re women who bat their eyelashes etc. I guess I just haven’t got the lashes then because it’s never worked for me. I wasn’t schooled in these dark 🎭 arts.
I’m sure they are often employed by both sexes equally though I suspect that in a lot of set-ups/households and workplaces each one is complicit in that they put up with it. I believe that most people, once shown the proper way to do a task will perform it properly.
It is often criticism and/or ridicule that causes people to avoid stuff that needs doing. This is what starts the whole tedious ball rolling
from women with reluctance to do gardening/electrical/car maintainance and men with inefficient pot washing bed making and vacuuming methods oh and just about anyone (apart from little kids) …damn those tech-smart kids ..who won’t send an email/CV/ or use online services even though they really want to. no one has had the patience to show them. Showing people how to do things is a skill I admire greatly. Not every one has that skill.

Newatthis Thu 26-Aug-21 11:16:31

Do you think some people pretend they can't do stuff just to get out of doing things. My MiL couldn't complete a task from beginning to end, and I'm talking something simple like making a cup of tea. Once someone offered to help she would abandon the job completely.

PinkCosmos Thu 26-Aug-21 11:25:56

My MIL comes up with jobs for my husband to do several times a week. I think it is her way of getting him to visit!!

I think women end up doing jobs out of frustration, after waiting so long for men to do them or men making a hash of them.

It seems that women take on the major of the work in the home - childcare, shopping, cleaning, admin etc., which inevitably leads to frustration and possibly divorce in the long run.

JaneJudge Thu 26-Aug-21 11:38:42

My husbands parents both worked full time and my Mum was a single Mum for most of my childhood and neither of us were brought up with male/female roles. My husband has always done housework and the ironing, I very rarely iron. I do my own car maintenance and DIY and put the bins out.

I'm interested in how people break things washing up? and how someone couldn't use their hands to hold a piece of fish and put it in a bag? it seems really quite extreme behaviour (presuming there is no disability)

Hetty58 Thu 26-Aug-21 11:43:55

Kids try the same trick. They hoover or mow the lawn so badly - hoping never to be asked again. 'Can't' is usually 'Won't' after all. The rule is to never step in and take over, never finish up or do a better job!

Mollygo Fri 27-Aug-21 11:21:57

We tend to each do the jobs we like and fortunately that works.
He thinks my use of the lawnmower lacks his expertise so I don’t argue. I think the same about him polishing our dining table so I do that.
The only job I really hate is cleaning the shower plug so I’m happy he doesn’t mind. I just clean the rest of the shower.
My mum is fanatical about hanging washing the correct way so I never offer to do hers.

Edith81 Fri 27-Aug-21 11:30:47

I have lived on my own since 1971 so had to do everything for myself. As I’ve got older,my main problem is a physical one where strength is required. I hate having to ask any of my family to help me unless absolutely necessary.

GagaJo Fri 27-Aug-21 11:33:24

PinkCosmos

My MIL comes up with jobs for my husband to do several times a week. I think it is her way of getting him to visit!!

I think women end up doing jobs out of frustration, after waiting so long for men to do them or men making a hash of them.

It seems that women take on the major of the work in the home - childcare, shopping, cleaning, admin etc., which inevitably leads to frustration and possibly divorce in the long run.

It isn't only women tho I guess. My daughter is in theory more practical around the house than I am. I wanted a bookcase fixed to the wall. I bought the bookcase. She told me how she'd do it. And then nothing.

So I started to do it. At which point she came and gave me advice. Told me I was doing it wrong. I sent her away, because if she'd wanted to do it, she could have done. My way was fine. It's fixed and sturdy.

nipsmum Fri 27-Aug-21 11:40:46

My ex couldn't wash dishes but he did manage to have several conquests all over the world. Being helpless worked for him.