Such a very stressful situation 123gran, and you're right not to "badmouth" the fiance, as this could have exactly the opposite effect to the one you hope for, and actually encourage your daughter to go on the defensive on his behalf. Addiction of any sort is so very difficult to counter, as the addict will lie, deny, steal.. do virtually anything to support the addiction, and their victims are usually close family or partners. They can also be so very convincing. Some addicts do recover and manage to live relatively normal lives, but the temptation is always there, and relapses are common. Your daughter will have to make her own mind up about the longer term future of this relationship, but as for the short term I pray that she will at the very least come to the conclusion that she should delay the marriage until he is confirmed to be undergoing therapy, and there is a measurable and prolonged change in his behaviour. There are some practical safeguards which she should put in place immediately. She should ensure that he has no access to her assets, and close down any shared bank accounts or credit cards. Also if she has any small, high value items, e.g. jewellery, she should consider giving them to you for safekeeping. An addict will resort to virtually any means of raising funds. So very sorry that you are going through this.
123gran Thu 09-Sep-21 07:55:03
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