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Daughter’s fiancé has been secretly gambling and in thousands of debt now

(55 Posts)
123gran Thu 09-Sep-21 07:55:03

Just weeks before their marriage this issue came out of the blue as a total shock to her. They were about to sell her house and get a joint home/mortgage together. Not now of course. They have a lovely child together and she’s putting her welfare first in everything as doesn’t want her to grow up in a broken home. I’m worried sick she’ll go ahead and marry him despite knowing she’ll be equally liable for his big debt. Anyone had any experience of this. Can gamblers ever break their addiction without heartbreak?

NanaDana Sun 23-Apr-23 16:04:08

Such a very stressful situation 123gran, and you're right not to "badmouth" the fiance, as this could have exactly the opposite effect to the one you hope for, and actually encourage your daughter to go on the defensive on his behalf. Addiction of any sort is so very difficult to counter, as the addict will lie, deny, steal.. do virtually anything to support the addiction, and their victims are usually close family or partners. They can also be so very convincing. Some addicts do recover and manage to live relatively normal lives, but the temptation is always there, and relapses are common. Your daughter will have to make her own mind up about the longer term future of this relationship, but as for the short term I pray that she will at the very least come to the conclusion that she should delay the marriage until he is confirmed to be undergoing therapy, and there is a measurable and prolonged change in his behaviour. There are some practical safeguards which she should put in place immediately. She should ensure that he has no access to her assets, and close down any shared bank accounts or credit cards. Also if she has any small, high value items, e.g. jewellery, she should consider giving them to you for safekeeping. An addict will resort to virtually any means of raising funds. So very sorry that you are going through this.

NanaDana Sun 23-Apr-23 16:24:42

Just realised this is a resurrected thread from Sep '21. Why do people do this? If you want to discuss gambling addiction, for goodness sake start a new thread.

Marydoll Sun 23-Apr-23 16:35:30

NanaDana, the thread was resurrected purely for spam purposes. It happens frequently on GN.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 24-Apr-23 14:04:43

No addict, whatever they are addicted to, breaks the habit, unless she or he genuinely wants to break it.

This is the first condition, but sadly, it is not enough, as an addict who is trying to break the habit needs help and support.

Sadly, the addict's nearest and dearest may be the last people he or she wants to listen to or be helped by.

The road out of addiction is long and hard with many relapses and pitfalls .

I would question whether growing up in this kind of a home could possibly be in any child's best interest, but of course, your daughter may not be asking for your advice on the subject.

But the answer to your question is yes, addicts can break the habit, but it can take years and many quarrels and ups and downs.