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Older child sleeping with mum

(65 Posts)
Shanavine Sat 18-Sep-21 05:36:18

Does anyone else think it weird that my SO daughter 17 still goes in to her, at least twice a week to sleep.
I'm not there all the time.
Gets tucked in to bed most night. They have a routine that they go through, nobody is going to break in and kill us etc.
And then during the hot weather thanks it in to wake us up at 4am to say she can't sleep do to the weather
She is 100% healthy no issues.

Madgran77 Sun 19-Sep-21 20:04:56

Aldom Madgran Regarding Sharmavine's 'clipped' replies, have you considered the possibility that perhaps English is not his first language? He may be doing the best he can

That is a point! However as he/she said "Rude!" and "Instead I get I am jealous" further up thread I was trying to explain why people were asking more questions etc. to avoid a misunderstanding about the questions etc.

NotSpaghetti Sun 19-Sep-21 19:00:46

Ok! I see I have caused some amusement - I did notice and immediately “reported” myself - but of course nobody is about in GNHQ.
Apologies all.
As you say I was on the wrong thread!
🙄
Typical!

annodomini Sun 19-Sep-21 18:53:04

The OP is the mum's partner. I wonder what happened to the teenage daughter's father. Is she insecure about her mum's relationship with another man (or woman?) I hope that she has a normal life and friends outside her home. What she needs is t be a teenager and enjoy life.

MamaCaz Sun 19-Sep-21 18:41:47

Just the sleeping together sometimes doesn't strike me as very odd, simply because I had a friend who, even when she was in her late teens, would often sleep in her mum's bed when her dad was working night shifts. She has always been (still is) a very confident, outgoing and grounded person, and in her case, I am 100% certain that it was in no way a sign of anxiety or any other such problem.

That said, that's where the similarity with the OP's SO's daughter ends - waking her parents up in the middle of the night for something trivial, such as being too hot, just wouldn't have happened!

Kamiso Sun 19-Sep-21 18:30:40

NotSpaghetti

My mother-in-law had this done 2 years ago. She is fully tiled and had new everything. It was about £4,000 I believe.
A local builder organised it all.

I think this might be an answer for me from another thread. I think we need to get a few more quotes! Thanks.

VioletSky Sun 19-Sep-21 18:12:38

Shermvine it sounds like your partners daughter has some severe anxiety. She will need some help to overcome this and probably needs to see someone.

For her sake though, there is nothing wrong with daughters getting in bed with mum at that age if they need comfort and both are happy with that

Aldom Sun 19-Sep-21 18:08:18

Madgran Regarding Sharmavine's 'clipped' replies, have you considered the possibility that perhaps English is not his first language? He may be doing the best he can.

JaneJudge Sun 19-Sep-21 18:02:33

NotSpaghetti

My mother-in-law had this done 2 years ago. She is fully tiled and had new everything. It was about £4,000 I believe.
A local builder organised it all.

I suppose it's one solution, seems a bit extreme though

BlueBelle Sun 19-Sep-21 17:57:07

I hope it’s not uncomfortable for your mum in law to be fully tiled can she get up and down ok notspaghetti 😂😂😂

Madgran77 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:53:18

*My mother-in-law had this done 2 years ago. She is fully tiled and had new everything. It was about £4,000 I believe.
A local builder organised it all.*

Notspaghetti I have a feeling you meant to post this elsewhere?

NotSpaghetti Sun 19-Sep-21 17:50:59

My mother-in-law had this done 2 years ago. She is fully tiled and had new everything. It was about £4,000 I believe.
A local builder organised it all.

NotSpaghetti Sun 19-Sep-21 17:41:22

I think it is not "normal" Sharmavine but it is perhaps not something your partner is concerned about.

If it's reassuring and the 17 year old is ok in all other respects I think it's not so bad to be honest.
Maybe nights are particularly difficult for her. I wonder what happens when she stays with her father?

V3ra Sun 19-Sep-21 17:33:53

Sounds like a teenager I knew, though in that case we were all away for a weekend, self-catering, and in her own words she "made" her mum get up in the morning to toast a muffin for her 🙄
We used to wonder if they'd realised the cord had been cut... 😕

Madgran77 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:20:10

Shanavine Your replies are so short and clipped it is actually making it very hard to understand quite what the problem is to be honest and that is why posters are asking further questions and wondering if you feel resentful or jealous or whatever. I don't think anyone is trying to be rude or get at you.

In reply to the original question it does not seem normal to me for a 17 year old to be going into sleep with her |Mum, nor does waking up her mum because she is hot.

If it is not a problem for you in your relationship, I suggest you just leave them to it, its their business, and focus on your responsibilities etc for your grandchildren, that you mentioned

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 19-Sep-21 17:20:10

Perhaps Shanavine could explain why this 17 year old has to be tucked up and told no-one will break in and kill her every night. It’s not normal for a 17 year old to need that. Has she experienced some trauma which has made this routine necessary before she can sleep?

BlueBelle Sun 19-Sep-21 16:39:34

I did not say YOU were jealous shanavine I meant maybe the 17 year old is jealous
But …
it’s not that and that’s fair enough but you say she’s a well balanced girl with no issues or health problems so my answer would be
No that’s not natural for a well balanced 17 year old with no issues in my opinion

Shanavine Sun 19-Sep-21 15:22:20

She only sleep with her when I'm not there
And I don't resent it at all.
Just does not appear normal to me.
That is all I was asking .
Instead I get I'm jealous etc.
I would happily leave the bed and let them girl in with her mum if she needed it.
I'm not a resentful type.
I am still raising my own kids to a degree.
Albeit granddaughter

BlueBelle Sun 19-Sep-21 15:13:08

Janejudge😂😂😂
Oh I m still muddled up are you the mothers partner and resent the fact that the girl sleeps in the mums bed twice a week when you believe the mum should be with you ?
Do you all live together ?
Could she be jealous because it really isn’t normal for a 17 year old to wake her mum up if she’s too hot
Anyway I m sure she ll be up and away soon and then she can wake her boyfriend up to tell him she’s too hot or too cold and you can have the mum all to yourself Sounds dreadfully weird
to me

Anyway in answer to your original question no it’s not really normal for a 17 year old to need tucking up, to need reassuring the boogeyman’s not under her bed, or to wake her mum up to tell her she’s too hot or too cold not normal at all
She s either mentally poorly with anxiety or she’s a Princess who wants loads of attention or she’s jealous of you being in bed with her mum

JaneJudge Sun 19-Sep-21 14:19:41

could you encourage her to look for another boyfriend?

Hithere Sun 19-Sep-21 14:12:07

Shanavine

May I ask how their sleeping arrangement affects you and your life?

It is unusual, to each their own

Shanavine Sun 19-Sep-21 14:10:08

She is very attached to her mum.
Only natural I guess get dad left 6yrs ago.
Still lives locally and see her.
But they tend to sleep together at least twice a week .
And she will wake us up if she can't sleep, even if it's a small thing like, it's too hot.
She is no way a drama queen.
Had a boyfriend etc all the normal teenage stuff.

Namsnanny Sun 19-Sep-21 11:08:17

Or = of

Namsnanny Sun 19-Sep-21 11:07:44

Shanavane as some others have said, it's not the behaviour or your average teen. But she does sound anxious.
What does your SO say about this?

25Avalon Sun 19-Sep-21 10:34:50

This isn’t just about the daughter but about the SO mother who lets and encourages this to happen. I think the poster needs to talk to their SO to get a clearer picture of what is going on here. Sounds like mother and daughter have possible issues.

Allsorts Sun 19-Sep-21 10:26:47

No I don’t think it is normal. Its keeping track of teenagers that’s more the norm. Not helping the girl.