Difficult sister-in-law

I think you sound like a very nice and caring person but do not take too much notice of her, please. You have a loving family around you which is a treasure in itself. I also have a loving family but being not so forbearing would tend to exaggerate any ‘shortcomings’, real or not, perceived by another. ‘I really am a TERRIBLE cook-I can’t be bothered as I’m not terribly interested in what I eat’ (that much is true, I’m not interested but I’m told I’m a decent cook). ‘Hobbies? I’d rather watch TV- LOVE reality shows’ (I don’t). Grandchildren? ‘They’re only young once, let them have fun and do what they like. And fast food is finger food, right? so no need for all those boring table manners!’ Problem is, your DH might think you’ve gone a bit bonkers unless he wants to join in with the fun! Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission!

I can't understand those of you who are saying basically these SiLs are good people.NO THEY ARE NOT. Good people don't put others down to make themselves feel better. They are only 'good people's when it suits them and on their terms. You need a very frank talk with your husband about his sister's appalling rudeness and say if he doesn't sort her out you are not happy to welcome her into your home. Anyone can switch the charm on when it suits them. IMO she is not a nice person, you are the nice one and my blood boils that this person is so illbred, rude and cruel. Rant over.

i wouldn’t stop inviting SiL, she can be good company and she and DH are close. She’s always kind when we go to visit her, and she’s always keen we should

She can’t be that bad !

After my SIL used to stay with us I could hear her voice for days afterwards. I eventually cut her out of my life for a couple of years but , as they live in OZ and are getting too old to travel , last time they visited the UK I allowed some contact but never was warm to her or her husband . I have things I really wish I had said to her when I knew I was right and she tried to correct me how I wish I had put her straight.

Live your life your way, do what you always do, allow the grandchildren to be who they are and appropriate for their age group. If she doesn't like it she can leave, don't apologise or feel inadequate or guilty in any way. If all else fails a spot of sarcasm along the lines of the fact that it must take a lot of effort to be perfect and that you can't be bothered.

She is not Superwoman - she is a sad, entitled, rude, and probably envious person. It is bad form to criticise people in their own house... does she realise that? If not, do make her aware of it.

I actually feel sorry for your sister in law, she obviously knows she has not got what you have a loving close family. She is trying to make herself superior with constant critical comments. She is waiting for you to rise to her jibes. Ignore her difficult as it is in time she will hopefully realise she is getting nowhere and stop.
I would also tell your husband what you think her game is and that you can see through it and will not be reacting.
Keep to your own kind ways and just keep smiling. There is nothing worse than not getting a reaction to your actions.

The thing is if you drink only ground coffee, like us, instant coffee tastes really vile! Especially, if like me you don't put milk or sugar in it. But I have often drunk it without saying anything because sometimes people's feelings are more important than one's own tastes. I too have an "outspoken" SiL.Her mother was the same. I learned how to cope with it, especially as my MiL lived with us for 16 years.

IF Something hurts just cos it shouldn't doesn't make it better. it can help to think of things you Co ld say to daft things she says. You proba ly won't think of what to say at the time but maybe you could say, you know I've been thinking about what you saw I'd about sticker books. I remember being worried about them when mine were little but a teacher said not to worry, some don't like stickers but for those who do they can be very helpful with coordination and fine motor skills and shape recognition and planning patterns and suchlike. Has there been any research since that says its not true or is the glue poisonous, can we chat about what the problems are? And you can show me the research.
Or just, that's interesting, why do you say that
Non gourmet food, well if you eat it all the time it's not special when you go out for a meal I always think. But maybe you'd like to show us some delicious recipes, just let me know what you need another time and we will get you all the ingredients and you can show us how it's done. What about x, I always enjoy that when we go out or have never tried y, I'd love it if you could do it for us.
The children on the floor, hmm I love to see them so happy doing their crafting, I love to encourage them to be creative and if they need more space on the floor and it's comfier for them they are going to enjoy it more.
Are they in your way, if so we can have them move so they're not. We're you planning to show them some of your crafting we can ask them if they'd like to watch you doing it at the table

Or just could you pass the biscuits please, I really fancy one. Can I get you another drink?

Have you tried saying something? She is probably taking your lack of correction as agreement with what she is saying and as an invitation to keep sharing her opinions.

I know you are trying to keep the peace, but it's clearly not making you happy and perhaps it's time to be a little more forthright yourself? Good luck

Everyone on here has given you excellent advice. You are the kind and caring type. Certain personalities like hers look to critique others as they dint want to look at their own flaws.
I have a sil like her and he is quite difficult to be around.