Dilemma on Borrowing Family Money.

Along with my brother, we helped our youngest son and his wife with a deposit for their house. He estranged us 9 years ago so we're very unlikely to get the money back.

Things can go wrong. We'd never do it again.

I would tell him about the situation and see if he offers to lend you the money. I would not ask as it puts him in an awkward position.

Calendargirl

Everybody is saying no, they wouldn’t do it.

What if the boot were on the other foot, and DS were asking mum and dad to lend him the money to buy a property, to be repaid when he sells?

I bet many of you would say yes, if you could afford it and it would help him move.

Most parents would want to help their child in any way they could. I see it as my duty and responsibility as a parent, no matter how old my child is.

Children don’t have the same responsibility to their parents and I think it’s unfair to make such a request.

I was thinking exactly the same calendar girl. Why should it be any different? However, I don’t necessarily agree that it is ‘my duty and responsibility’ to help adult children either. I would be concerned if my adult children were so dependent. Emergencies exempt of course.

We lent our son and partner the deposit for their house. They we’re together ten years and had a child. Of course we had to sign for the mortgage company that this was a gift. They agreed if they ever sold we’d be repaid, or sooner if possible.
They parted two years later with an equity that well exceeded the deposit. Our son gave us back his half of the deposit. She agreed to so also but then changed her mind as she didn’t have to legally, which was correct. However morally is another matter.
She is a university educated professional earning a good salary.
Despite knowing the money came from my dh pension fund she walked away without conscience.

On occasion for contact she would pick our dgc from our house -if she was working late and our son had to get to work on time. She would continue to open the back door and walk in as when they were a couple. This being after refusing to pay back her half of the deposit. I’m afraid I got very petty one day. I locked the door and had dgc backpack ready for handover on the kitchen bench. Yes, I felt mean, and this was not like me. I felt bad afterwards.

Problem now resolved.
After a lot of deliberation, we have put a deposit down on a ‘retirement development’ apartment which is reserved for you whilst you sell your home. So no need to put our son in a potentially awkward position.
Thank you again for your varied interesting thoughts.

Casdon

Just a thought, but won’t you have to pay capital gains tax if you move your primary residence from your existing home to an apartment?

I don't think so, Casdon as it is your main residence.

I'd rather take out a bridging loan than ask my DC.

If you do need to transfer money overseas, btw, it may be cheaper to use companies such as these than your bank:
www.money.co.uk/money-transfers.htm?track=885124&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-pvHju2E9AIVjbHtCh0CFg1jEAAYAiAAEgI9B_D_BwE

I just did that for a much smaller amount and was rather nervous about it, but all went through ok.

Esspee

We once helped out a family member in financial difficulties. They paid us back very promptly.
What was not anticipated by them was that by us breaking the fixed rate agreement we had with our bank we suffered penalties and when the money was returned we could not lock in again at the same rate of interest.
My husband never mentioned it to the borrowers because they were about to lose their home but it left a bad taste in our mouths that our kindness cost us, not them.

Our kindness cost us, not them

But that was your choice, it was kind of you to lend the money, but if you hadn’t checked out any future implications, that was hardly their fault. You say they repaid the money promptly, so they kept their part of the deal also.

NO, for one thing you do not know what his situation is over there. He could have a large mortgage or have debt problems himself.
Our children don't tell us what their situation with money and we don't want to know.
Sell your home first and then purchase, you'll be able to sleep at night.

OP has told us her decision, back on 6th November.