Am I being unreasonable here?

I too can't understand the mine and his money scenario - once we married we pooled our money (initially I earned more than my husband; once he qualified he earned considerably more than me). It's always been 'our' money, works for us.
Why on earth does your husband rifle through your belongings? How very strange.

I am struggling to understand what you get from continuing this relationship.
He doesnt seem to have any respect or consideration for you.
You dont trust him enough to leave him alone while you go on holiday.
No respect, no trust.
And you settle for this?
Are you happy?
This.... for the rest of your life?

Yes, the searching through your stuff is strange behaviour. A bit weird quite honestly.

i find it hard to feel sorry for you Jezza. Because you ve obviously allowed this behaviour/ treatment to go on for all your married life and it’s no good being upset now at something you ve played along with
All this silly holiday payment scheme isn’t anything to do with love, trust or happiness
Why would you be afraid to go away alone because he d go through your things!! goodness me
What life is that ?? Afraid to leave him in the house alone is this really a happy marriage ?
I think a lot more than birthday presents need looking into and sorting out
Are you really happy or is this just the tip of the iceberg

Jezra, get a grip luv. He isn't going to change now so you must.! Stop booking holidays and treats as you are just pandering to him. If you both go on holiday then agree between you that you share the expenses, if he doesn't want to do that then book something for yourself and go without him. I would not tolerate my husband searching my handbag or looking through my papers, he sounds paranoid, do as others have suggested and buy a sturdy filing cabinet and keep it locked. Don't have a big row about it, just be civil but firm; not everyone makes a big deal about "presents" and are just happy to buy stuff when they want it. I like to choose what I want myself anyway and my husband is good in many other ways so I suggest you give up on it. Be the adult in the room!!

As I see some of the threads here about husbands/partners.. it never ceases to amaze me..

whether legally married, ie husband, but husbands are or should also be partners..

where ever is the 50/50 partnerships? I certainly had one

They say it's the thought that counts and by what you say he gives very little thought I'd book a holiday either alone or with a friend and make a point of buying yourself a little luxury item as a Christmas gift to yourself

I would suggest you get him divorce papers for his birthday next year.

Could you go with a friend and leave him at home?
If he can’t be bothered why should you make arrangements and pay for him?
But the real issue here is that you feel he doesn’t value you or your marriage sufficiently. I had a husband like that - and divorced him.
With OH now presents and cards don’t matter at all, he is kind and loving all the time

SueDonim
My very thoughts.

I think he sounds really tight fisted. Has he always been like that or has it happened over the years? Why not discuss it with him, say you prefer things to change. offer to buy your own present and then him pay for it. Of course you will have to buy him one. Do you have children, what do they think. I think you should have nipped it in the bud when it first started.

No ! Your not unreasonable at all ! He is and I think, whilst you can, you need a good long think about whether you would be happier without him ! Sorry xx

Has he always been like this?
I think that if I was doing the booking for anything, I'd make sure that it was somewhere that I wanted to go for holidays, meals, whatever and tell him that was what you were doing and why.
My parents decided not to bother with giving each other presents - I think after my dad gave my mum a vacuum cleaner one Christmas - despite the fact that she needed one as he had used the motor to fix the spin dryer!
I think that we have all been guilty at some time of expecting our partners, friends and family to be mind readers - unless you tell someone that you are unhappy with the way things are (and many people, not just men are completely obtuse!)how do they know?

@jezra - we always have a weekend away before Christmas (restrictions permitting!) which we go halves on then exchange one or two very small presents on Christmas Day. DH is not the most thoughtful or generous but he cooks lovely meals and helps in the house/DIY which is lovely.
Think you DH rather mean unless he has other redeeming features

I can’t believe the number of women on here who don’t actually SPEAK to their husbands. Women who have put up with stuff they don’t like, enjoy or approve of. Why? We aren’t a lesser species you know.

You say in the o/p “If I don’t request we have a holiday he wouldn’t bother so the only way I can get a break is to also book something for his birthday”

If he isn’t too bothered about a holiday, then it follows that all the holiday arrangements fulfil your needs and not his. I would take a guess that the holiday location etc is your choice?

You've let him get away with it for far too long. I understand you might think he would follow your good example but it sounds like he has some deep-seated resentments.
I think you'll have to speak your mind. Unless you don't want to hear him, I think you should because he's sounding like an over-entitled arsehole.

Jezra, some people just don't 'do' presents. Some families, like mine, only get presents for children. The best way to get exactly what you want, O find, is to buy it yourself. It's the quality of relationships, year round, that matters, not presents.

(I find)

My husband is a bit like this too, so was my father. Birthdays don't mean anything to DH and he genuinely does not see why I would be disappointed at him not remembering mine.

Those of you who say that resenting this attitude does no good, are quite right in my opinion.

I decided long ago, that if I wanted a treat on my birthday, or on our wedding anniversary, I would have to plan it, so that is what I do.

This year we decided well in advance that we would only give each other small birthday and Christmas presents. The reason for this was that we used a considerable sum during the summer on buy things like a new lawn-mower and hedge clipper, both of which we badly needed.

They were quite expensive, and as we only have my pension to live on, d (long story, which I won't go into here as it isn't relevant) we have to be careful with money.

Actually, this attitude to presents seems to be paying dividends - there are currently four parcels for me under our Christmas tree! And I haven't heard one moan, "I don't know what to get you." from DH either this year!

So my advice is, try to accept that anniversaries don't mean anything to your husbands, plan your own treats, and remember what it is that makes us love these men.

I hope you all have a happy Christmas even if you do have to go out and buy your own present after Christmas!

Why on earth did you ever agree to all his self centred arrangements in the first place? He's neither caring nor aware of others. Treat him as he treats you and see if you get any response. Keep on like you have done and you certainly won't.

Sounds like my husband. No cards, gifts, flowers or anything.
He does pay all the bills though.

You say in the o/p “My DH doesn’t buy me a Christmas present”

You omit to say whether you buy DH a Christmas present.

Would it be fairer and more accurate to announce instead that “we don’t buy or exchange presents”

You are certainly NOT being unreasonable. He sounds like a real piece of work! Treat yourself on all occasions , just for putting up with him . You deserve more.

Does he have any redeeming features?