Am I being unreasonable here?

As a gross generalisation, women care about presents, men don’t. If he’s generally a kind man, do you want to make this a deal-breaker?

Urmstongran

Yes, the searching through your stuff is strange behaviour. A bit weird quite honestly.

... agree. That's the bit that got me, too...

Why are you booking a holiday for his birthday? Book one for your own birthday - and tell him you are going alone or with a friend and explain why. Like others I don't understand the his and her money idea. Marriage is a partnership with everything shared. I assume you have tried having a conversation with him about your feelings - if not, do so asap. If he has to be "forced" to book a meal or some other treat then he obviously doesn't enjoy them - go alone or find a friend who will enjoy them with you

Suppose it’s down to who has the most money. Maybe it’s worth considering opening a bank account for holiday funds each paying in same every month then everything would be fair and square. That way neither of you will have to dig deep into your own resources.

He gives you less than £3 a day pocket money - if you divorced him you would get half of any income including his pensions as you have been together so long. I wouldn`t bother nicking the cheque I would be seeing a solicitor.

Mine says that I am too difficult to buy presents for. Even if I tell him EXACTLY what I would like he picks something not quite the same.

So what keeps you married to a person who it appears expects you dance to their tune.

No, absolutely not! How on earth have you put up with this?

jezra

Why is he going through your files and handbag when he thinks you're not around?

I think you need to talk - and not just about presents and holidays.

I do wonder why women stay with men like this....

Good grief! Do either of you understand marriage? Seems like business partnership trying to keep the the books balanced. Rifling through your filing cabinet! You have a filing cabinet for him to rifle through. Couldn't live like that, tit for tat would drive me mad.

I am sure he has some good qualities, important enough for you to have married him. No husband/partner is perfect. In my own experience, I focused on the qualities in him that were important to me and made my own life. I thought it a good trade off and always remember him as a good man.

Certainly seems to be a lack of consideration and trust in your marriage Jezra
Things are not likely to change now so I think you either have to call it quits or stop feeling resentful and organise treats and holidays for yourself without involving him. The lack of trust would be a deal breaker for me.

to go halves according to him, so I feel that I’m ….

I don’t get the go halves bit…. As a couple don’t you just share everything? Me and my late husband had one account and no permission was needed to use whatever was in it.

Perhaps this is why I’m single- I couldn’t put up with some of the thoughtless/selfish/boorish men moaned about on here!

My husband and I gave up giving each other gifts a long time ago so there are no expectations no resentments.

My DH asks DD what I would like- rejects the suggestions and gets something I would never choose

My mum and daughter used to get cross with me for not just deciding on a present.
I really can't see the point of having something I feel only lukewarm about.

I think you’re on the wrong threadChris or getting muddled up your post doesn’t relate to this problem

I agree he is tight, my dad was the same but he was a lovely man. I would buy something for myself and wrap it up to embarrass him

Maybe he's 'going through your stuff' to look for bank statements etc?It seems a very poor setup of a marriage to me- making you pay for things for birthday etc and no presents?and him rooting through your things- could it be he has money troubles and is seeking evidence/details of what you have?? I would be very careful with things- lock up your filing cabinets, and even the room/study they are in.Maybe then you could have a holiday without him? If he's treating you like that and there's no redeeming quality at all tbh I'd divorce him if it was me- he's treating you worse than you would treat staff, or a lodger- everyones entitled to their privacy, and respect, you don't seem to have either.Or any true 'marriage' feelings from him.

No. .. he sounds horrible

‘If you always do what you’ve always done then you’ll always get what you’ve always got’
If you settle for nothing that’s what you’ll get.
Just treat yourself.
Get him a magazine subscription like ‘The Oldie’ then you can read it too.
He possibly doesn’t realise you’re so upset.

Why are you still with this man as you don’t seem to trust him. You say you feel uncherished. If I had a partner like this, I would resent him big time. He has a full year to think of a birthday present and a Christmas present no matter how small. A bunch of flowers he could pick up anywhere.

I think in your position OP, I would research the holiday that I would like for my birthday, then, assuming he can use a computer, give him a note with the web page, all the details that he will need to book it, and at the end write 'unless you book this, I will be divorcing you!' Then if he doesn't book it, you'll know exactly how he feels about you and your marriage, and the next step becomes clear. Good luck for the future, and here's hoping you have a Happy Christmas.