Am I being unreasonable here?

You are not being unreasonable your DH sounds as tight as the proverbial ducks behind
I hope he has some other redeemable qualities

I try hard to see them@rosie1959. But I just don’t feel cherished.

I think I would book a holiday for myself, alone or with friends...a long one.
As rosie says i hope he has some redeeming qualities.

That’s my tight, boring old f@rt of a husband you’ve described!

@Nadaterturbe - yes, that might be an idea but he’d be going through my stuff while I was away. I’ve caught him going through my handbag in the past and my filing cabinet, what for I have no idea. It’s not for cash because I do everything with my card.

I expect it would be lovely to just for once, get even a little present from him, just to know that he was thinking about you.
Saying that, I'm very much the same about presents.
I hate choosing them, so I tend to go for the easiest option which is to get someone else to do all the work

Aw@Juliet27. I sympathise but glad it’s not only me all the same.

I think women are just better at appreciating the person in their life in general. There are some men I know who make a great show of present and card giving to their wives while philandering with o another.

No you aren't unreasonable but this building resentment won't help anything.

Some people just aren't into birthdays or special occasions. There are 2 things you could try. You could sit down with him and explain to him exactly how you feel or if that doesn't/hasn't worked... You could take at least some of those special days and spend them with people who do value things like birthdays.

My husband is useless at these things too, eventually I just told him I want my favourite perfume twice a year lol but I know he loves me and he does lots of little things for me so I value him for those instead.

Jezra

If a gift is grudging then it's not worth having. Treat yourself to something nice which he won't want a share of - Perfume, cosmetics, a book, flowers.

You are both reasonable and unreasonable at the same time.
Reasonable because friends would have more consideration towards you Unreasonable as you are now questioning his behaviour when it has been years taking place.

You can only control what you do, not what your husband does.

His expectations are not orders for you to follow.

Does he have good qualities otherwise?
Why dont you think to deserve a person who treats you better?

I was pleased to hear that some people really don't mind choosing and ordering and all that for themselves.
I'm not even enthusiastic about receiving presents.

I would suggest that you get a safe box with a key. At least you won't have to worry about him rifling through your things. Plus it would irritate him. But you are entitled to some privacy. Having said that, there's obviously something amiss here, you don't trust him and with some justification. Why don't you just insist that he pays for your holiday as you pay for his? Or insist he pays his way. I would also buy yourself a rather lovely gift and pop it under the tree. At least you would get something that you will like. I'm assuming that you have some happy times together.

I would order a favourite perfume and give him the receipt.

What are your husband’s redeeming features, Jezra? I’m failing to see why you are with him!

I would order something special online and when it arrived pretend you know nothing about its origin. Let him think someone treasures you. Alternatively, dump the mean, tight fisted old fart!

I'm always a bit shocked when married couples have a my money approach to life, it's just not how we do things! However, my OH is generous but totally hopeless at choosing presents and we've reached an age when if we want something, we buy it and that makes it even harder to choose something I'd like. So, we don't buy each other Christmas presents and we buy a "token" present for birthdays. I don't feel any less loved because he's really kind in lots of other ways and if I am honest, I spend far more of our money on me than he spends on himself and he doesn't mind one bit. tbh your OH sounds rather mean!

Why do you have to book a break for his birthday? Just book one at a different time and then forget his birthday. OR book one between your birthdays and make it for both birthdays.

It does not take a lot of effort to remember birthdays and anniversaries and get a present, it’s not the value it’s the thought that counts and a bunch of flowers costs peanuts.
He is just mean.

foxie48 my sentiments exactly. We have been married for 56 years and have never had mine and yours, just ours. Be it money, jobs around the house , child care etc. We don’t buy each other presents because we don’t really need anything and what we need we buy together. All this yours and mine stuff is not very appealing.

We usually buy ourselves something we both want , put it under the tree with the rest of the presents and open it on Christmas Day. I know, a bit silly but it works for us. This year it is a new coffee machine, last year it was a fancy clock, the year before a big flatscreen tv ( that one wouldn’t fit under the tree!). I usually give a few ideas for birthday presents because OH hasn’t a clue but my birthday is at Christmas so we keep the cost down.

Why do people stay married for donkey years and moan about what must be years and years of the same behaviour He’s not going to change now is he ? ?He’s not a present/ surprise person and it needs to be accepted that if you haven’t managed to change him in how many years you won’t ?

If he has no redeeeming features leave him but if he has then accept him As a non present / surprise person
you are not being at all unreasonable in your expectations but you are being totally unreasonable if this is what has always happened for years, if ain’t changing now

Give yourself a birthday present and go away for a weekend with a friend and have some fun
Have a good although presentless Christmas

I always say communication is key. Why not instigate a chat about your grievances at some point nowhere near the birthdays and Christmas? No blame/shame. Just air your thoughts. Tell him you’d like things to be different and ask him if he thinks it’s all gotten a little set in ways? Try to iron out your differences instead of festering and feeling unhappy. Nothing changes until something changes.