Smacking children

The " naughty step " to me is a form of humiliation and I just think it's dreadful as opposed to a swift slap on the behind or backs of legs, which is invariably forgotten about as children carry on playing.

There is just something about being led which to me is unnatural and I don't like to see it. It's intimidating and bullish.

Anything that's used as a threat, such as the step is WRONG !

Two of my DC used the naughty step as time out.
One DGC hated it, would cry and get very cross and make everything worse.
His cousin would go and sit quite happily and hum away to herself. In fact, if she knew she'd been naughty she's say "I'll go and sit on the naughty step for a bit, shall I?".

Better than using physical violence on a person a quarter your size.

EllanVannin

Anything that's used as a threat, such as the step is WRONG !

So what form of discipline (if you want to call it that) would you or did you use instead then? And, again, I'm not having a go here, I'm genuinely interested as I have a very hyperactive and often 'naughty' four-year-old grandson, so I'm always looking for new techniques to use with him.

Physical violence is what's used today, Callistemon, what I used in the 60's was a " corrective " slap, no violence involved, a huge difference.

Only once did my parents go to my school regarding treatment
by staff, I was being told to put my pencil in my right hand ,I am left handed, parents were furious, told form mistress I was
not to be encouraged or forced to use my right hand , I was left handed so I was special, I felt like chocolate.

EllanVannin

Physical violence is what's used today, Callistemon, what I used in the 60's was a " corrective " slap, no violence involved, a huge difference.

So you'd accept that someone twice your size who thinks you're doing something wrong could come up and give you a slap across the legs?
They would just be correcting you.

Blondiscot a naughty child loves an audience. Just don't give him/ her that audience and totally ignore it.
Only ever take notice and praise them for being good, never make a big thing about naughty behaviour as they know it attracts attention.

A slap wouldn't have been for nothing Callistemon.

EllanVannin

Blondiscot a naughty child loves an audience. Just don't give him/ her that audience and totally ignore it.
Only ever take notice and praise them for being good, never make a big thing about naughty behaviour as they know it attracts attention.

Tried that, as I used to with my own children, but has no effect whatsoever on him.

I was physically abused by my parents but mostly by my mother. She hit me on the top of my head (which bled profusely) with a heeled boot. She also hit me with a washing line which left raised marks on my legs. I was hit many times with slippers and belts and whatever my mother could get her hands on. Even a yellow plastic bucket!! She also threatened me with a poker. I was terrified of her. I also remember a teacher at infant school, Mrs Alliwell, hitting me so hard I was sobbing and couldn’t catch my breath. That was for getting blue paint on my hands. I’m 65 now and still remember that. At junior school no one could talk to me because I cried all the time. I had scabs under my eyes from crying so much. At about 8 or 9 I took a handful of pills because I was so unhappy and felt so unloved. Hitting children was just accepted back then. I grew up with loads of criticism and have never found true happiness. I’m ashamed to say that I smacked my two children but nowhere near like I was smacked. My two always knew they were loved and as adults we have all discussed how I treated them as children. Everything was brought out into the open and we are very close today. Both my children are wonderful adults with successful careers. They do not hit their children and I’m very glad about that. I don’t believe smacking helps.

EllanVannin

A slap wouldn't have been for nothing Callistemon.

So, if you did something wrong now, you're happy to be slapped as chastisement?

(I can see this going round in circles)

Rather than being humiliated,*Callistemon, yes. A slap is over and done with but being physically led to a step then DEMAND an apology from a child---good heavens !
Even deprivation works well---no favourite sweets.

I'd be a millionaire ( or a public nuisance for reporting ) the amount of times I've seen kids being smacked in public, also hung by their arms when getting off a bus. Jeeze, there's far more cruelty than a slap on the bum.

EllanVannin, where does your information on use of time out/thinking chair/naughty step come from? It’s nothing like the way I’ve seen it used.

By the way, if an apology is needed, why is it wrong to ask/? One of my grandchildren was asked to apologise to his younger cousin. He’d pushed him over in temper.

Iam64

EllanVannin, where does your information on use of time out/thinking chair/naughty step come from? It’s nothing like the way I’ve seen it used.

By the way, if an apology is needed, why is it wrong to ask/? One of my grandchildren was asked to apologise to his younger cousin. He’d pushed him over in temper.

Me neither. It's not humiliation and gives them a chance to think about what they did and then apologise if they hurt someone eg pushing another child over as Iam64 says.

I have only seen it used rarely.
Slapping a child who has hit another child or pushed them over is counter-productive.

"Ok, so you just hit someone and hurt them. That's very wrong so now I'm going to hit you"
I don't get that.

I welcome the change in culture around “smacking” ie assaulting children.
I was hit as a child by both parents, and also in school in Scotland was hit around the legs in primary school, and caned in junior school. Usually for crimes such as spelling errors, not behaviour.
I wasn’t a perfect parent by any means, but did try and help my children to understand how to manage their frustrations, fear and anger, which all children experience, without resorting to violence.

My mother slapped me across the back of the legs a few times, but I was generally a well behaved child so it didn't happen often. The worst was the being made to sit at the dinner table, sobbing, as the food I was gagging over got colder and lumpier. My Mum was a good cook, but there were just some things I didn't/couldn't eat, and it was a dreary and unhappy battle for us both. When I had my children, Mum said she regretted those dismal mealtimes, my tears, but her doctor, and everyone else had told her that this was the only way to deal with a fussy eater like me. Time change, understanding changes. It goes without saying that I never did that to mine, and I would like to say I didn't smack, because I strongly disagree with violence, especially against someone smaller, but twice I smacked my son, in temper and I bitterly regret it. We have talked about it, and he doesn't remember at all, still doesn't help with my guilt though.

The first time I saw someone use the ‘ naughty step, time out ‘, I felt so sad for the child. She was left there probably around 10 minutes....a lifetime to a small child, crying more and more. It was horrible to watch.

A quick slap on the hand, accompanied by a ‘ No, that’s naughty’, to my mind is much better. It was so alienating for the child, and she cried for ages afterwards. My children tended to look more shocked than cry after a smack, possibly because it was so rare.

To me, putting abuse and one short smack on the same level is like saying hanging and a suspended prison sentence are the same! It’s also totally disrespectful and insulting to people who have really been abused.

"Ok, so you just hit someone and hurt them. That's very wrong so now I'm going to hit you"

My mother still struggles not to hit out at my if I say something she doesn't like!

I smacked my children, and I regret it now.
With hindsight, I am not convinced that it actually made any difference to their behaviour, though they were always perfectly behaved in public. But smacking was the way my husband and I had been disciplined, and it was still the 'normal' thing to do.

Obviously, things have changed and my dgc are not smacked. Do I think they would be any better behaved if they were? It's hard to say. Their behaviour is certainly not as good as their dads' was when out in public, but I doubt if smacking would help with that - removing them from the place where they are causing a disturbance might, but that's something that their parents have never been prepared to do. Discipline-wise, that is the one and only thing that I would do differently from their parents - not that I would tell them that, unless asked for suggestions.

My daughter removes toys/games from our GD as a punishment.
It really seems to work!

What about hitting in temper? Not a deliberate punishment slap.
I well remember a morning making the beds and eldest kept jumping on them and rumpling everything . Finally I swept him off with my arm and he fell resulting in a black eye.
When we were out people would ask him "what happened to your eye?" He would reply "My Mummy did it.!"
I was more careful after that.

My three dgd all respond in different ways to different forms of discipline. One just requires a firm talking-to. Another rarely responds well to any form of discipline or chastisement. The third is somewhere in between the two.

Since my last post, I've thought some more about this, and I still feel that in some instances, and with some children, a quick smack at just the right moment (at the very moment of the unacceptable or dangerous action/behaviour ) can be the quickest, most effective form of 'training' young children. Not of punishment though, which to my mind is a totally different thing.

I still won't be doing it with my grandchildren, though.

I never used the ”naughty step” or sent them to their bedrooms. I have an awful feeling they wouldn’t have stayed there if I had!

When they were old enough, I found fining their pocket money was effective. They were allowed to earn it back with good behaviour.