Smacking children

I don't think it is ever ok to smack a child.
Thank goodness smacking seems to be much less prevalent now and also that is not allowed in schools. I have very clear memories of seeing children smacked when I was at school. It meant I was always too scared to say anything at school and I do think it has affected who I am now and not in a good way

A few posters have talked about ‘smacking being out of hand’ - not like the slaps we got.
The average of 2 children a week dying at the hands of carers/parents has long been consistent. Safeguarding processes are stronger and more comprehensive, though as we know children still suffer at the hands of those who should care for them

As a child I was beaten, not smacked. The difference, a smack is to hit a child with the flat of you hand, once or twice, beaten is to be hit with an object, usually a belt, sometimes once or twice, and sometimes more. When people talk about the good old days, and well behaved children, say what it was, hit with a weapon.

A very interesting thread this one.

I was smacked as a child and certainly knew the meaning of a good hiding. It was parenting in the 1960's.

My father always used to say he belted us all enough for us to turn out as well as we did (2 sisters here)

Manners and discipline was very strong in that era and that is just the way it was but of course I do feel resentful at times when I think back to the physical punishment we had. My father had a quick temper and I can see now he took his temper out on us when we misbehaved (and nothing ever that bad - well I would say that wouldn't I?!)

But so saying that very lovely parents as well, myself and sisters certainly knew our boundaries and a lot of current children don't.

But do I agree? No of course not and feel resentful at times at the smacking we got but my parents were strict and manners and displ was hard as well and just the way it was in that era and nobody really batted an eyelid.

My brother and I were smacked regularly. I was once walloped in a very posh shop as I announced to the world at large that “mummy hasn’t smacked me today yet”! Promptly rectified. I had the belt once and remember hiding in the understairs cupboard. The last time my dad hit me I was 16 and standing on a chair to reach a high cupboard. He started smacking the backs of my legs but it was so ridiculous that I started laughing and he never did it again.
I smacked one of my three children once and felt very ashamed. It was just a tap as I could never have hit her hard enough to hurt her so I realised that it was a futile way of teaching discipline.

My brother, 5 years older than me, was always bullying and hitting me. He often got dad's belt for it, he's still a bully, now aged 75.

I remember my brothers being smacked, and sometimes retorting ‘that didn’t hurt’ before running away. I was smacked occasionally on the back of the legs (girls were easier to smack because they often had bare legs). I did smack my children because I was young and overwhelmed (had my first at 16) but when I had my youngest son he was diagnosed with ASD, threw dreadful tantrums and we were referred to a child psychologist. She taught me how to gently restrain him, while not looking at him, and to sit him on the stairs while putting my arm across him to keep him there until he calmed down, all the while looking away from him so as not to give him attention. Within a short time this hard work really paid off. He became a very well behaved and lovely child. It really taught me a lesson, and that was valuable. Smacking means you have lost control, and it vents frustration for a moment, but isn’t effective at all in the long term.

I was raised in an abusive household - smacking was a first resort and I could be hit because they didn't like the look on my face and once because I raised my arm to protect myself from a blow! I swore when I grew up I would never use violence on anyone, especially a child.

I can remember being smacked by my father, he used a belt once to my brother & I, we hid under the bed not for him to reach us. I was a child of the 1960's, but I know my grandfather was violent to my father, he took an axe to him once & split his head! I'm glad that I was only a baby when that happened but my father had the scar on his head until the day he passed away...

Coco51 - putting science in quote marks! Of course science is clever enough to teach us plenty! Goodness all those clever researchers are wasting their time. I can assure you that there is plenty of evidence that children are affected by such behaviour and the fact that psychological abuse is also terrible doesn’t make smacking right. Two wrongs don’t make a right….

My father abused me verbally until I was 18 and retalliated, saying he would never make me cry again. The scars remain - I'm 77. Is this worse or better than physical punishment? There was that as well.

Hitting children is child abuse.
I was belted in school three times (for trivia, like giggling). It destroyed me and my education.
I had to work very hard in adult life to deal with the consequent trauma. (Therapy is very expensive!)
I then put myself through education to master's level in late middle age.

“Heart” not “best” - lousy eyesight

Smacking is a sign of failure and lack of imagination. One poster said it was better than a child running in the road. Think that one through! When would that smack happen? Presumably when a child has already moved towards danger? What does it teach them? Just that we panicked a d had no better way of showing them to stay clear. My daughters have well behaved children and rarely raise a voice or smack. The little friends who are most out of line often have overwhelmed parents or parents who had never been parented well. My best goes out to them but smacking is an error, they may resort to it but like many of our failures the outcome should be an apology not a justification.

I was smacked, very hard on some occasions, and with an open hand - mainly on calves - in school and at home. One teacher used to hit with a ruler. I remember it, but it hasn’t ruined my life. I don’t recall smacking my own children so much, but they both think an occasional smack for the right reason. ’Science’ cannot tell us anything because of the individual natures of children and the behaviour that might warrant the response. If a child persists in hurting other children, it might be appropriate to tap, open handed (never with fist, never around head) so that they can experience what the other child is going through. A lot more damage can be done psychologically by isolating a child for bad behaviour, which may have repercussions when they are older. A simple smack is over and done with

I was smacked as a child. My Dad had a quick temper, was too ready to judge and deal with a situation the only way he knew how from his own upbringing. Today it would certainly be seen as excessive as he used to slap me over the head on occasion which hurt and caused a massive headache. My Mum was powerless to stop him although it used to upset her. She would slap me on the legs sometimes which was not as bad. My parents had a turbulent marriage; I don’t know how they managed to stay together, lack of options those days I suppose. So often violence in the home is a symptom of marital difficulties. Many of my contemporaries tell a similar story so it is not just my experience. I was a cheeky child so it didn’t cow me but it did my sister who even today hates to step outside her comfort zone, is a people pleaser and is quite fearful of all sorts of things. I put that down to bullying at a young age. Smacking is WRONG, it achieves NOTHING and it can cause lifelong damage to a vulnerable child. I never smacked my own children, my daughter doesn’t smack hers. If my husband was so inclined, he soon got the full force of my wrath and would proceed no further. Individuals are criminalised and jailed for assault on another adult. Why should it be any different for a CHILD?

I was smacked in the 1960's and honestly it didn't harm me, what harmed me more was my mothers other form of punishment sending me to Coventry for days on end, basically until I left notes on her pillow begging her to talk to me.
I was considered a very naughty ungrateful little girl, I now know I'm autistic. I did smack my children mostly I think from sheer exhaustion and frustration having never learned any tools on how to cope with anything, I wasn't allowed to cry either, I'm an only child and was dreadfully isolated.
My 3 are balanced adults, all in employment and never done drugs or been in trouble with the law but yes had normal teenage issues like we all did. I'm sure they hate me more for making them eat dinner in order to get pudding, but I do believe still we are way to lax with children now hence what we see going on.

If you "smacked" an adult in the same way, you'd be charged with assault. So no, don't assault children either.

I don’t think smacking is right, but children do need boundaries, there needs to be consequences for their actions, time out, removal of toys etc. working with young children and seeing them, bite, punch and kick their parents to get what they want is concerning

I was smacked, often very hard, by my father, (he was a school teacher) and once so strongly across the head that I went quite dizzy. It was because when I was in the paddling pool in Reading I didn't get out quickly enough.
The smacks mostly weren't so bad but the beatings really hurt. On one occasion at the age of 12 I had been caught reading with a candle in my bedroom. Not only was I beaten but the (new) book I was reading was torn up before my eyes. I ran away that night, which must have been a helluva shock for my parents. I finally returned in the early hours to their great relief.
My two years younger sister wasn't exempt.
Contrary to the pundits' description that beaten children were also violent, I'm a perfect example that it wasn't so. I never beat my two children though I can imagine that in extremis some children might benefit from a slapped wrist.
Incidentally, I got through the 11+ because Mr Higgins slapped my legs with a ruler when I made silly mistakes in arithmetic and later I passed 'O' level French when Mr I.G. Smith beat me with six strokes of a gym shoe for getting some impossible verb endings. Both experiences were very painful!

Never smacked my children and my parents never smacked me.
I am well behaved polite and kind, that’s how I was brought up and my children are the same I raised by gd as well and she is very well behaved.

EllanVannin

Physical violence is what's used today, Callistemon, what I used in the 60's was a " corrective " slap, no violence involved, a huge difference.

Sorry a “corrective” slap is violence !

Violence is NEVER the answer,

I don't believe in smacking even though my mother did it to me frequently ( my father never did) I never smacked mine and they don't smack theirs.
I think there's other ways to discipline them like sending them to their room, my eldest would lay on her bed until she fell asleep and the youngest would say I was going to go to my room anyway

I was smacked on the leg for example, and I did the same to my 2 sons when they were small. I doubt it even hurt them. But for some people is how far does one go to call it abuse. This day & age now there’s so much you cannot do or shouldn’t, I guess if my children were small now you would see other ways for telling them off or try to discipline them etc.