Smacking children

I marginally preferred the smacks & being told I was wicked , to having a mother pretending she had gone to the telephone box to ring the Children’s home to come & take me there.

Threatening to send children away - that’s emotionally abusive
One smack to back of hand or leg - rarely or once, isn’t physical abuse IMO. Many of us smacked like that once, felt we’d fit it badly wrong and didn’t do it agsin

At seven years old I remember being quite sickly and threw up in the classroom, I had my arm up to ask to be allowed outside which the teacher ignored then when I couldn't hold it back any longer received a whack across the legs with the blackboard stick because she had to clean up the vomit. She always used the stick and most of the class had bruises on their legs. Often teachers would use put down remarks to children as well. I'm in my seventies and am glad they don't allow that anymore.

MissAdventure

So, making them upset by sending them to their room is abuse?
Emotional abuse?

Mine liked it, all their toys were there.

As a teenager, one of mine used to go to her bedroom and unscrew the door handle.

I'm beginning to wonder if being made to eat three sprouts and told that children in Africa were starving was emotional abuse?

I think it made me more aware that life is unfair and that some children were in desperate situations compared to me and made me more compassionate.

I've just read through this thread and feel as if I'm in another world.
The use of physical violence to correct something "naughty" is so stupid. Especially in a relationship, eg parent child, where the essence is closeness and love.
These methods might be useful in the advisory work of an Ed Psych. (which was my job -I never advised smacking) but not in our own family problems.

Marmite, which methods do you mean? Are you referring to the behaviour management VioletSky describes at the school she works in?
I agree with you that in our own families, the essence is closeness and life. Families have an emotional temperature, a culture about the way we live together. One if the things I remember from working with families was the mantra - adults run families, not children

How can abuse once not be abuse though?
Either something is a abusive or it isn't.
All this goes to show is that people are trying themselves in knots trying to fit in with how others perceive them.

I suppose I was thinking of the law MissA. Im not saying smacking is ok. Im reflecting on the number of posters who have referred to one incident, one smack. Not an attack on a child, many blows or a sustained smacking that leaves bruises and marks. That would be an assault which a parent could be charged with. Police/social workers wouldn’t want to criminalise a loving caring parent for one smack

There isnt a parent here who has said they constantly abused their children.
The children are the only people we need to make our peace with.
It's clear that most of us have close, loving relationships with our offspring, and that is good enough.

You’re right about our posters. Many of whom did experience excessive chastisement, cruelt but haven’t repeated that pattern

I smacked my kids if their behaviour warranted it. I found an immediate sharp slap or clip round the ear was far more effective than sending them to their room, sitting them on the naughty step or saying 'Just wait till your Dad gets home!' I was never smacked as a child so I wasn't repeating my parent's actions. Our boys grew up into perfectly normal, well balanced, untraumatised adults who now remember with great amusement me taking a swipe at them occasionally. They don't smack their children, but I've heard my eldest say ' You behave yourself or Nanny will be after you! It works because they don't know what I might do.

I saw someone yelling and swearing at their children when in town this was far worse than the occasional smack it made me feel I'll.

I used to smack mine occasionally and I wish so much that I hadn’t- I think it hurt me more than it did them. My children would never dream of laying a hand on on my grandchildren and I admire the ways they discipline them. I feel ashamed of smacking mine even though it wasn’t often and wish I’d had advice on how to administer discipline in a more constructive way. It seems unthinkable to me now that parents would be violent towards their small and vulnerable children

I’m quite shocked by how many of you think a smack is acceptable. A smack how ever hard, is violence. ‘The occasional smack’ is fine?No it’s definitely not. Ever. Please don’t try to convince yourselves that what you did was acceptable by saying “it never did them any harm”. At the time, it definitely did.

Ps to previous post. My mother used to smack me and a teacher I had used to hit my legs with a ruler. My father once beat me on my mother’s instruction because I’d been out with an older boy when I was 14.I don’t think either of us ever got over it. He was upset with me but having to do that nearly killed home as he was a sweet and gentle man. Violence of any type and severity affects both parties involved with it.

MickyD I totally agree with you.

I've heard my eldest say ' You behave yourself or Nanny will be after you! It works because they don't know what I might do.

Sorry, but I find that quite shocking, not amusing!

Well the honesty of it made me chuckle, a very brave posting in the midst of this discussion

To be honest....according to my daughter, we would all have got it wrong. As now, any form of correction is looked down upon, not just smacking, which we’ve all been fixated on.

So no smacking....obviously, no time out, no raising of voice. Absolutely no trying to get children to eat, and the idea of not speaking to your child for days, as one poster experienced, is horrific. It’s all about negotiation, even with a one year old!

I now realise I was abused, so was my husband, and everyone I know. Our whole generation most likely, and now our children are the next abused generation.

I now can’t feel sad for abused people, because we were all among them, me and people I know I mean.

Perspective is what this needs, before we all sink into depression.

I never smacked my children either . It's barbaric and shows that you have lost. It's totally unnecessary . My children never played up in a supermarket or when out . It takes more effort and you need to engage with them .

I feel sad that people were smacked

I also feel sad that people were abused

I have read every comment and I haven't figured out where the line is

Which is probably why its best not to do it at all these days

Smacking counts as abuse and is unacceptable. Any adult actions that damage children are abuse and should be considered unacceptable.

Haven't read all this thread but suffice to say to what I have read left me thinking "Did I grow up on a different planet." So many Grans claiming that 'no smacking' was the order of the day. I disagree with this view. Most parents 'smacked' until this became a contentious issue fairly recently (last 20 years?)
As a Christian we take advice from the Bible "the one who loves their chikdren is careful to disciplne them." As parents we have authority over our children which makes it our responsibility to teach them right and wrong. We shouldn't be 'negotiating' as we are not equals. We used various forms of discipline including an occasional smack when warranted just as our parents did with us. Did us good and of the mind that there are now a lot of unruly, lost children around in today's negotiate regime.

I haven’t figured where the line is, so probably best not to do it

Absolutely agree with this. If you don’t know the difference between abuse, (which I always assumed was consistent and all consuming), and a quick smack, in my case, rarely, then it certainly is best not to do it at all

. I totally understand that, because that would show you’re out of control.