Sister’s insensitivity to my feelings

Is it possible that you have just blocked this disturbing incident, from your mind ? Regardless, I think it’s rather insensitive of her to bring it up. I don’t think she realises how upsetting it is for you. If the incident is a figment of her imagination, I’d be extremely, extremely angry ?you could ask your mother if such a thing ever happened. I wouldn’t like to advise - she is your sister after all……

At least you have no recollection so that's a good thing. So she only told you of the incident a couple of years ago and has since mentioned it twice even though you are upset and have asked her not to. It's very strange but I think for some reason SHE needs to talk to you about it. Could she be feeling guilty? After all she was 10 and you were very little, only 3 years old. Yet she didn't try to help you herself, she ran off for help thereby leaving you to suffer. Try to put yourself in her position, maybe the experience was traumatic for her not knowing what to do and is haunting her.
The best thing you can do is sit down face to face and talk about it. Can you do that?

Good advice Hazeleyes. Excellent post.

CrazyH…I suppose it is possible to have blocked it from my mind, but not sure that has anything to do with the issue? I have specifically and clearly told her that hearing about it upsets me. I didn’t deny it happened. Our mother passed years ago, but a brother has recently confirmed it occurred.
HazelEyes…no idea why she just mentioned this for the first time a couple of years ago. We are not spring chicks. What is your logic on talking to her about it? I would imagine it was traumatic for her, but how can talking to me help? Thanks for both of your inputs in my trying to sort this out in my head.

To turn this totally on it's head, perhaps your sister needs to talk about it, and is upset that you won't allow it?

Could you perhaps agree to speak of it once with her?
Or do you feel she has some ulterior motive to bringing it up?

June3, you were:

'very upset the first time she told me this.'

The question is - why? If you can't recall it, you shouldn't feel upset. Why insist that she doesn't mention it, as she obviously wants to discuss it.

Maybe she needs to be forgiven for running to your mother, rather than defending you? She was outnumbered, so her actions are quite understandable.

However, if you feel that she's using it just to taunt you, that's not on. It seems a ridiculous matter to fall out over, though.

If she mentions it again, suggest she gets therapy since it bothers her so much. Talking to you is a waste of time, seeing as you don't remember it. Go grey rock on her (don't show your feelings, act bored even though it is upsetting) Don't give her your emotional reaction in case she's feeding off it.

Just keep repeating the suggestion that it's her problem that she needs to get help for, because you don't remember it. To be honest, it may not ever have happened. She may have issues.

I totally empathise June. It is almost as though she is being deliberately cruel.
She mentions an incident, involving you but somehow wants to claim the "Trauma" for herself.
Whoever it was who was tied up and abandoned as a small child, I would be feeling upset. I can quite see why you are
I think your reactions are quite right. She should shut up and find a way to apologise.

Maybe she was part of the initial act and needs to reconcile it within herself.

@Hetty58…Seriously?! You can’t understand why I would be upset to hear over and over that this happened to me? Wow! I’m totally perplexed.. Also, if someone I cared for/loved, or probably even a stranger for that matter, asked me not to discuss something further as it upset them, the last thing I would do is bring it up again. I just see it as the decent and respectful thing to do.

I wonder if your sister was put in charge of you and didn't want to look after you that day? She may still feel guilty and needs to offload her feelings and talk them through with you, asking for your forgiveness.
You wouldn't listen and said it upset you so she kept trying. It's obviously upsetting her too

Could you talk to your sister and tell her you can't remember, you are not traumatised and it wasnt her fault.
It was a big responsibility for a 10 year old to be allowed to go out to play with a 3 year old in tow and not her fault that this happened.

She wants your forgiveness.

Do you still want a relationship with her or just an apology for bringing it up again?

It must have upset her seeing it happening, thankfully you have no memory of it.

Please don't let this issue ruin your relationship for ever. Could you phone her and say something along the lines of 'This is daft. Let's make up and put this incident behind us' You may never really understand why she mentioned the incident several times but please let it go. Life is too short for fallouts.

A lot of supposition here with everyone trying to give a reason and answer which none of us or you know anything about what went on in a 10 years olds mind You say she ‘came across’ you in the woods why on earth was a 3 year old in the woods on their own she sounds as if she did the right thing to run and get your mum I think your anger is at the wrong person it would be at the parent who let you out on your own
Why does it upset you so much if you can’t remember anything about it
Surely it’s about control because she’s not done what you’ve asked but you can control it by saying I m not getting into this again or simply changing the subject or saying sorry ‘got to run’ if it happens again

I suspect that your sister has been left traumatised by what happened.

She might have kept it bottled up throughout most of her life, but it sounds like she needs help now.

You've made it clear that you don't want to discuss it with her. That's your right. However, could you suggest kindly to her that she seeks counselling, as she really sounds like she needs to talk this through with someone.

June3 Is there anyone alive to back up the story?
I guess the answer is no.
Why would your mother have never mentioned this?
I suspect this could be a lie.

Sago

June3 Is there anyone alive to back up the story?
I guess the answer is no.
Why would your mother have never mentioned this?
I suspect this could be a lie.

The OP has stated, upthread, that her mother died years ago, but a brother has recently confirmed that the incident did happen.

Thank you missed that one!

I agree with those who have suggested that your sister may be struggling to deal with her own guilt over what happened June3 but that said, as you have asked her not to mention it to you again, she is wrong to do so.

IMO if this happens again, suggesting that she gets counselling is an excellent idea.

If someone has experienced a traumatic event in their lives, it can take years before memories of that incident start to surface and that is very upsetting and disturbing when it happens.

No one should be trying to remind someone of something they have no memory of.

I really can’t understand why you have allowed mention of this childhood incident, which you didn’t remember, to upset you to the point that you and your sister aren’t speaking. It was many years ago. You’d forgotten it. Do stop being so sensitive and repair your relationship with your sister. Life’s too short.

Sago

June3 Is there anyone alive to back up the story?
I guess the answer is no.
Why would your mother have never mentioned this?
I suspect this could be a lie.

Peraps because she felt guilty too, letting a 10 year old take charge of a 3 year old or letting a 3 year old wander off by herself?

It's obviously worrying the sister so much she is seeking forgiveness.
You can't remember it, June3, so it hasn't caused you long lasting trauma, just be generous and forgive her!

If you do that you can say you want no more mention of it, move on.

If June's sister is seeking forgiveness, and I agree that's a possibility then why hasn't she said so? Surely the way to have approached this would have been when mentioning the incident the first time, to have said she felt partly or wholly responsible for what happened and ask her sister to forgive her.

Memories of a traumatic event are often buried deep within the subconscious, because the person who experienced it doesn't want to remember.

The reason June hasn't experienced long lasting trauma is because she doesn't remember what happened. Her sister raising the matter on several occasions, having been asked not too after the first time, is wrong for doing so.

Memories of a traumatic event are often buried deep within the subconscious, because the person who experienced it doesn't want to remember.

I don’t remember much of what happened to cause my brain injury, apart from occasional unwelcome flashbacks. My sister was like a dog with a bone, going on and on about it. Asking questions and trying to make me describe it. She wasn’t there at the time unlike your sister June and I had to be quite brutal to make her stop. It’s sad because I felt that she didn’t support me by making it all about her and her feelings, and much as I love her it’s put a distance between us.