Where have all the dads gone?

Its every bit as repugnant to the wives and children who are left, as a rule.

It's even more repugnant to feel as if we're all skipping off to the council and benefits office.

I have been in tears multiple times these last few weeks having to contact them.

It's humiliating.

And that is why I’d like a system that deals with this problem MissA so you wouldn’t have to (and none of the single mums who are abandoned).

Ahh, that's good to know.
I have put in more hours of paperwork and notes since I've been poorly than it would take to go to work!
I feel like I'm doing half their admin for them.

I pay a lot of tax. I don't begrudge it going on children. I f**king loath, hate and want to vomit at the thought of it going to Boris' mates for covid contracts, many of which didn't perform/provide what they were contracted to provide. Give my taxes to children anyday. Not to people who are already millionaires and are just fraudulently siphoning the money into offshore accounts.

Fair enough, be angry about the abuse of tax payers money. Start with the Tory theft of it.

Sh*t always rolls downhill, as my colleague would say when "the team" (but never the manager or their cronies) were in trouble.

Well said, GagaJo - imagine the difference which even a fraction of that money could have made if it had been spent on those most in need. By all means get angry - let's face it, if you're not angry then you're not paying attention - but let's direct that anger to the right places!

Missing dads on this thread. Feel free to start another on a wider topic. It’s not difficult.

Talking about missing dads always becomes about "scroungers" though.
let's just target the right scroungers, the ones that GagaJo is talking about. Not the mothers of little children.

But this thread is about ‘missing dads’ ??

Urmstongran

But this thread is about ‘missing dads’ ??

And you say you don't like the taxpayer being taken for a ride.
The Conservatives mates are taking more of a ride than the single mothers.

GagaJo

I think the number of women who set out to be single parents is very small. And easy for those who have remained married for their entire lives to sit in judgement.

No one ever sees benefits as a 'lifestyle choice'. Possibly 20 or 30 years ago (I don't know and really can't comment on the past) but living on Universal Credit means living below the poverty line. Not what anyone would consider a 'lifestyle choice'.

So judgemental.

Ridiculously sweeping statement. How do you know that noone sees the benefit system as a lifetime choice. Some albeit a few obviously do.

Some men most definitely must do.
Going merrily off on their way to fresh horizons with their brand new shiny families.

I lived on benefits for a short period in my late teens, not quite the same circumstances as we’re talking about here, but still a ‘missing dad’ situation.
I can’t imagine many girls would choose that as a lifestyle choice.
Can you manage? yes, but only by having nothing, by cutting your expenses to the bone.
I got a certain grim satisfaction out of getting to the end of each week, but I was very unhappy, and would never have chosen to be in that situation.

Agree with you Ilovecheese but THIS thread is to discuss missing dads. Once we dash off in other whatabouteries it will just become another Tory/Boris bashing thread (not that it isn’t deserved in some instances). Just not here.

Well Urmstongran lets all hope it never happens to your daughter ! Mine was married to a man who we loved and treated as a son.They had two young children after fertility treatment and then he decided to cheat with anyone in a skirt .She rightly left him.He avoided paying for his children and a year later when she met her now husband the ex said he wasn't paying anymore.Nothing the CSA could do about it apparently.
Worse than no money for ther upkeep was his absence,he doesn't see them as he's got a "new " family.If pushed he'll have them for a couple of days twice a year.His son is old enough now to know his dads a waste of space but his lovely daughter is heartbroken,misses her dad and has quite severe mental health issues because of his neglect (confirmed by her councillor) .
There are mothers out there who RAISED these "men" I wonder if they were all as spoiled and pampered as my ex SIL and thats what the problem is

Ilovecheese

Talking about missing dads always becomes about "scroungers" though.
let's just target the right scroungers, the ones that GagaJo is talking about. Not the mothers of little children.

Yes, but some will call the mothers scroungers when they are not, they are bereft and desperate.

It's the dads Going merrily off on their way to fresh horizons with their brand new shiny families
that are the scroungers expecting the rest of us to support their abandoned families.

It's rarely the mother who does this.

Lyng17

GagaJo

I think the number of women who set out to be single parents is very small. And easy for those who have remained married for their entire lives to sit in judgement.

No one ever sees benefits as a 'lifestyle choice'. Possibly 20 or 30 years ago (I don't know and really can't comment on the past) but living on Universal Credit means living below the poverty line. Not what anyone would consider a 'lifestyle choice'.

So judgemental.

Ridiculously sweeping statement. How do you know that noone sees the benefit system as a lifetime choice. Some albeit a few obviously do.

Because living on Universal Credit leaves people in abject poverty. It is a lot easier and more beneficial to work. So anyone that is able to, works.

I have lived (off and on) for the last 15 years in the part of Northumerland decimated by the closure of the mines and Thatcher's destruction of industry here. There is no work for a large percentage of the population.

I have literally spent 12 years teaching children who are destined to be unemployed unless they up sticks and leave their families and communities. Which most of them are reluctant to do.

Universal Credit doesn't even cover all of most peoples rent anymore. How do you expect people to live a high old life when their outgoings are a lot more than their income?

There may have been days when benefits offered a good lifestyle (I don't know this). But if they ever did, those days are long since gone.

*Northumberland.

Lizbeth your post is exactly what I think.

What I think is sad is the lack of good male role models. Hardly any male teachers in primary schools and fewer still in pre-school.
I and my siblings were brought up by a widowed mother and no living DGP but at least half of our schoolteachers were men and most of our friends had dads so perhaps I was luckier than some. My DH was the best dad ever and all 3 sons and SiL are wonderful dads too.
Thanks for starting this interesting thread Lizbethann
Much food for thought.

My husband is a good dad, he was great when they were small, not so much bedtime stories and baths, but all the outdoorsy stuff, we always seemed to have a houseful of children, and he was always happy to have them around.
I don’t think I can ever remember him raising his voice to them, and they knew/know they can always depend on him.
He sure as hell isn’t perfect, and we didn’t always agree on how to deal with things, but the main thing is that he was always there, and they knew he was always there.

Apparently my daughters dad is wonderful with his family, children, and grandchildren.

As I said, he isn't the devil incarnate, or any kind of playboy.
He has been married for years - his children refer to him as their 'rock'.
It's the system that allowed him to walk away and start a whole new life without being accountable..
He was a teen when I had my daughter, so he took opportunity to bail out.

Why would any girl have unprotected sex with anyone they were not wanting to have a child with. Contraception is easy now, there's abortion or the day after pill. If you are against birth control, well don't engage in sex. Women are not victims, it's their bodies, they have control.. I do think a lot of young people who grew up without role models and love, think sex is a way of getting love, they are just so vulnerable, the history repeats itself. We have a duty as mothers to show our sons to treat girls with respect. I think most do. There's a lot of girls who treat the boys badly, it's not one sided.

Was chatting to an acquaintance the other day. Her daughter is living with her, since having a baby a few months ago. The father is a married man with two other boys. The daughter was working as a teaching assistant, I assume she is still on maternity leave. He doesn’t seem to want to leave his wife and first family, sees the girlfriend now and again, doesn’t seem very interested in the baby. Gives her the odd tenner now and then. What astounded me was my friend saying that the daughter wanted to have a second baby by him asap.

Why? Absolutely no future with him, he sounds a bad lot, awaiting a court case for something or other. What got me was that although my friend didn’t approve, she seemed resigned to her having another baby by him.

And so it goes on.

There is a strange logic there somehow, Calendargirl. Her 2 children with the same dad, will grow up together and will appear more like a "normal" family and validate her "decision" as well as being playmates.
I may be completely wrong but there's none so strange as folk.
Allsorts Hormones have a lot to answer for..... people of both sexes get carried away and all sense and judgment flies off with the wind.