Sex life over

+1 for @Granny23 and seadragon.
We are all different, with different levels of drive and preferences, at a particular time of life..
A loving couple communicate what they want, need or are prepared to accept, in terms what, when and where.
What would be too much for one might not be enough for another.
So each couple should find a compromise over their love making, to give and receive as much pleasure as possible.
Sometimes doing a favourite thing, (music, meal, whatever) might open the door for something more romantic.
It would be sad to lose PIV, but if there are medical reasons, other techniques can be found for mutual satisfaction.

Granny23

During the menopause I was subject to week long spells of heavy bleeding, which could have put an end to our love life but did not. I developed many ways of giving him pleasure without vaginal intercourse. This made him and me happy, as loving him dearly, his pleasure was my pleasure - just like often making him his favourite meals while having something different myself.

Once the menopause was over, things returned to normal with the addition of our new repertoire to spice things up.

Well said, @Granny23!

Absolutely agree with what Puzzled said. Sex between straight couples can often default to penetration, and most women rarely come from that alone. You say you’re happy to be physically affectionate - what happens if you broaden your definition of what sex could be?

If you love each other, you can give each lots of pleasure without PIV, and without the upset of saying "That's over".

He will almost certainly enjoy looking, and touching, as well as being touched.
You can use your hands and mouth to give each other pleasure.
And, if you wish, sex toys can enhance pleasure for both of you.
This is definitely a case where giving can be as enjoyable as receiving. And you can spend as long over it as you wish, whenever, and within reason, wherever.
Remember, love will find a way!

Do you need to actually tell him if you think he will be upset?As it doesnt happen often why not make an excuse of sleeping in the spare room . He will soon get the message.

Although you love your husband, and obviously he loves you, to tell him that you no longer wish to have sex with him, will hurt him deeply; and he will wonder why.

As the years pass, desire does diminish. The every day of early marriage will give become once a week when you are seventy. Unless it is very painful for you because of dryness, atrophy, rheumatism or whatever, my advice is don't stop.
Explain your feelings to him.
If it seems to have become boring, than you can buy books that will give you ideas. You can try new things, times, places positions, so that you both feel a thrill.
If all else fails, do devote time to kissing, cuddling, fondling and displays of affection and your body, to show that you love him.
Turning off the tap could be disastrous for both of you.
In any case, sex is good for you, mentally and physically, and can help delay the onset of dementia.

Why did you report evgeniaalex’s post Jaxjacky?

You do understand that reporting a post is not a way of indicating you don’t agree with the poster. It is for advertising spam, offensive posts, misinformation and breaking the rules.

Reported

Getting your sexual relationship on track in a relationship is very important. I just feel for the guy that way and there are so many ways to diversify your sex life. I like most of all to buy different sexy clothes and there are a lot of examples of where to buy. It is worth to pay your attention to those things in which you will be most comfortable.

Granny23

I think part of the problem is that society has changed the emphasis from 'Making Love' = a step further than a kiss or a cuddle, with the one you love; to 'Having Sex' = an enjoyable, exciting, recreational activity.

I’m not sure it has changed, certainly I never imagined my mum or my granny having sex at 60, it was just never discussed, even now I often say to OH “the kids would never believe us”.
HRT and Viagra (we don’t) have both made sex in later life easier, so if you enjoy it why not!.

I think part of the problem is that society has changed the emphasis from 'Making Love' = a step further than a kiss or a cuddle, with the one you love; to 'Having Sex' = an enjoyable, exciting, recreational activity.

I have a friend who had breast cancer, and also osteoporosis. She says the osteoporosis is painless. That’s the problem, there’s nothing to alert you to it.

She can’t have HRT because of the breast cancer, but takes calcium ,vitamin D, magnesium and another drug, ( I can’t remember the name), which keeps the osteoporosis in check. You’d never know there was anything wrong to look at her. She does lots of exercise, mainly walking.

My mother died of breast cancer, so even if I’d wanted to take HRT, it wouldn’t have been advised. I’ve seen recent documentaries which are not dispelling the ‘myth’, about breast cancer and HRT.

In my opinion, and that’s all it is, the less medication you can get away with...the better.

Me too - the medics made me go off it at age 60 and I now have huge problems with osteoporosis.

DiscoDancer1975

^I am saddened that so many on gransnet find lovemaking distasteful^

I haven’t read this anywhere. Must be on the wrong threads.

Same here. Not wanting sex or accepting physical health problems prevent it, doesn’t mean it’s seen as distasteful.
Trisher is right to draw attention to some of the reasons HRT is a nonstarter for some.
Espee I agree about the benefits of HRT. I have RA, my GP advised HRT to maintain bone density rather than because my menopause was difficult. I’ve had three bone density scans over 15 years, each time I’ve been told HRT helped maintain density.
If I could, I would have continued to take it.

As far as HRT goes be careful. I didn't and don't take it. But 10 years after my menopause my mother had a DVT and then my aunt had a pulmonary embolism. Had I been on HRT I would have been taken off immediately. A family history of blood clots makes it a no-no.
JulesSquirrel there is a film called Le Weekend, it stars Jim Broadbent. It's the story of an anniversary visit to Paris. The couple have sex problems. It's also quite funny and touching maybe if you could watch it together it would give you an easy way of broaching the problem.

I am saddened that so many on gransnet find lovemaking distasteful

I haven’t read this anywhere. Must be on the wrong threads.

My friend bluntly told her husband he could find a friend as long as she did not know about it. So he did!

GagaJo I haven't seen anyone suggest that everyone should have a hot and heavy sex life but don't you agree it would be sad to be forced into being celibate due to a medically preventable condition if you had a partner you enjoyed a loving relationship with.

I am saddened that so many on gransnet find lovemaking distasteful.

DiscoDancer I am so glad you are doing well. Everyone has a choice on how they handle their own health.

Iam64

What part of Oldnproud’s post was well said, espee. Genuine question, I can’t find it

All of it Iam64
By the time the full impact of lack of oestrogen hits you you are normally in your 70s by which time the damage is done. Few people of our age appear to be aware of this and assume menopause symptoms such as hot flushes and brain fog are as bad as it gets, when in my opinion osteoporosis, incontinence, osteoarthritis and all the other directly connected medical problems which are usually not obvious until you are in your 60s and 70s have far more impact on quality of life.
Taking HRT, if appropriate for you and you wish to, is a preventative measure, no different to any other preventative measure.
Oldnproud has an excellent grasp of the situation we inevitably find ourselves in as we age as women.

Oldnproud

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DiscoDancer1975
" Esspee, I’m just saying the treatment isn’t natural, and you may have felt better without it. Perhaps not straight away, but after a couple of years. "

The trouble with waiting to see if you are one of the lucky or the unlucky in the menopause lottery is that by the time the full impact of the changes becomes obvious, much can, it seems, be irreversible. That is the position I and many others have found ourselves in.

Honestly, those who haven't been there can't begin to imagine how the menopause can affect both your body and your mind. I never imagined for one moment that I would become one of those women who now avoids sex like the plague, but it has happened.

Is taking HRT from the outset, before you know how the menopause might affect you personally long term, really much different from taking any other drug or treatment as a preventative measure against something that might never happen to you anyway, such as statins to reduce the risks of strokes or heart attacks if you have high cholestorol ?

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t sail through menopause. I had hot flushes which weren’t debilitating, and some depression/ anxiety that I’d never had before, and a few aches and pains.

The worst thing was the intermittent travel sickness type symptoms, which no one could say for sure was related to menopause, so even if I’d wanted to take HRT, there were certainly no guarantees with this symptom, which no one else had heard of...but couldn’t be ruled out.

I’m fine now...but it took about five years, on and off. All I’m trying to say is....there are no guarantees, and you’re not going to die if you don’t have it. Unlike Diabetes and heart attacks.

i agree with Esspee - you may have VA and I would recommend getting some pessaries etc. That may help with the physical symptoms. Don't believe the old wives "tale of you -have a lot of things to or the lack of them , have a lot to answer

I think it's more than coincidental that a lot of women lose interest in sex once they are past the stage of having children.
Men, on the other hand, can father children long after we've "shut up shop"

I also think the assumption that everyone wants a hot 'n heavy sex life is very one sided.

TBH, I'm busier at almost 60 than I was at 40. I really don't have the time or the mental focus to be at the stage I was sexually at 40. 14 hour work days, my DGS, a shared house.

There are many ways to live and to be happy. Each to their own.

What part of Oldnproud’s post was well said, espee. Genuine question, I can’t find it