My daughter is distancing from me

I have backed off, but she told me about this event, I just asked if she'd reported it to bar staff I know she can look she's herself but doesn't stop me worrying that for example it's common to be injected in our city!

Ffoxglove

Funny thing is she's not. I have a new partner....
I don't understand why she's fine from being needy to nothing.
Like she used to say good morning, good night and now nothing.
That was more her then me, I just can't figure out why.

I remember your dilemma with you new partner Ffoxglove

Did he ask you to marry him in the end and is your DD having some difficulties processing all these changes if you are not so dependent on her?
Perhaps she feels she's not your No 1 priority now and is having difficulty adjusting if you were very close.

It depends how old she is too and if she has a partner.
Friends are great but if she spends a lot of time alone she may be having difficulties.

but it worries me
Do we ever stop worrying about them?

Maybe.. ...yes he did ask me, she seems happy with this. Well on the surface.
She has a she circle of friends and a full on life and job.

Callistemon21

^but it worries me^
Do we ever stop worrying about them?

Ha! No of course not.
I wished that was the case.

I think I'm just hurt by her actions because I'm not used to this behavior.
Honestly, I've given her so much and given up so much for her, I'm struggling to understand her behavior and why she'd treat me like this

Sometimes worry can spill over into controlling behaviour.
Nobody is forbidden to do something, and sometimes neither party recognises it, but they are acutely aware that somebody is constantly worrying about them, and it's stifling.

Expecting a certain behaviour from anybody just because what you did for them is a recipe for disaster

MissAdventure

Sometimes worry can spill over into controlling behaviour.
Nobody is forbidden to do something, and sometimes neither party recognises it, but they are acutely aware that somebody is constantly worrying about them, and it's stifling.

I'm really sad and sorry if I've caused this...

I'm not saying you have, or that this is the issue, but it may be worth thinking about.
What does your partner say about it?

He understands what we went through to some degree, understands why we are close.
He doesn't see there's a problem.

Ah, that's good then.
One less worry, and I would have thought he would say if he saw it as too close.

I do understand I really do my life felt totally destroyed a couple of months ago. I took it out on my wonderful husband
I used him like a mental punch bag. It was either that or I would have ended up with a mental collapse myself.
You need to talk to someone about it to get it off your chest.
My best friend and her husband helped me cope and talk about it as they went through similar themselves.
I do think you need any distraction I recommend this site some of the threads are hilarious when you are feeling down. I would be crying in despair one minute and visit this site to be LOL another!

"I just asked if she'd reported it to bar staff I know she can look she's herself but"

So she talked to you about an experience she went through

Did she ask for advice or feedback?
If not, your comment may be interpreted as questioning her decisions

Ffoxglove

I said re wassap when we were 4000 miles away in liked the fact I could see when she was last online, I know she was ok (without me messaging)
Only that, so I feel it's turned off to punish me caring, that's how it feels

Not to punish, but to keep privacy.

I’d turn it off too if I knew someone was tracking me with it.

I’m sorry you are hurting, but try to give your daughter her space

Your partner is displaying some weird flags - maube your dd sees them and you dont?

I get the WhatsApp thing.....I check when my Mum and 3 AC were last on every night before I go to bed....I like to feel everyone is safe

It seems that your daughter is laying down new boundaries. You don’t have to be constantly in touch with someone to know you love them. Perhaps she knows she is too reliant on you and wants to find herself. You love each other that’s the most important thing. Relax and trust her …

Hi Ffoxglove ,

I think that tanith gave some good advice -making your own friends is very important .Then she won't feel pressurised into being there for you.
But when any of us go on a long journey (or do internet dating or whatever is potentially risky ) it's a brilliant idea to check into HQ if it's not you then a friend !
A panic attack means that your daughter is finding it hard to cope .She might have issues in her life that she can't share with you .
Take a deep breath -be there when she wants /needs you, but develop a circle of supportive friends and interests so that she doesn't feel obligated .
I hope that things work out for you both .

LOUISA1523

I get the WhatsApp thing.....I check when my Mum and 3 AC were last on every night before I go to bed....I like to feel everyone is safe

Exactly this and no more ....just peace of mind

I think I'm the past I've put pressure on unintentionally.
I had a really hard time in an abusive marriage to her dad, then I lost my mum, dad and sibling in a short space of time. I'd also supported my disabled sibling for 17 years and that was the hardest. All this and working too so it took great strength to leave my marriage. Do you see she's all I have and she's precious to me. I can't help but stress sometimes

What she’s doing is completely normal. This won’t last forever - provided you back off, apologise and give her the space she needs. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s just part of growing up

It'd be very unhealthy for adult offspring not to distance themselves from their parents. You need to accept that, OP, and leave her be.

I have a very good relationship with my younger daughter but I wouldn't expect to speak to her every day, in fact I'd be worried if she wanted to speak that often. She's an adult with her own life and her own friends, yes I'm important to her but I recognise that part of her being an independent adult is her ability to have other people in her life who are as important as I have been as I'm not going to live for ever that doesn't mean though that she's any less important to me than she's ever been. We have done what we can to help her but I would never ever talk about "sacrifice" I don't want her to feel beholden to me. I honestly think you need to step back a little and let her live her own life and if she genuinely is "all you have" you perhaps could think about how to widen your horizons as that's a pretty grim responsibility to put on anyone's shoulders.

You are successful as a parent when your offspring no longer need you. So count this distancing as an indicator of success - she can manage without you. Well done! Now you can fill your life with other interests instead of constantly worrying about your daughter.