Insulted by only and oldest friend, what to do?

There are many singing groups around that exist simply for pleasure and companionship irrespective of voice 'quality'. Have a look in your area. As for offloading your friend, which I think is a very good (but sad) idea, perhaps you could do this gradually but firmly by not being available for any of the future meetings SHE suggests. She will eventually get the message. Very difficult after all these years but, as someone else has said, this friendship seems to have run its course. I wish you the very best.

I was chatting to one of my oldest friends on the phone the other day and she said something really nasty about my SIL. So I’ve decided not to phone her again. It isn’t the first time it’s happened. She never married or had children so I’ve made a point of phoning her throughout the pandemic. I seem to be losing all of my closest friends either through illness or Alzheimer’s and she is one of the few remaining friends I have that I have a shared history with. But her comment was uncalled for and I didn’t want to create an argument. I don’t understand people who say hurtful things and don’t even think about the pain they are causing. I know I’ve said things I regret afterwards and years later it still bothers me that I said something insensitive at the time. When I was a child I laughed at my mum’s singing and it made her cry and I’d give anything to turn the clock back!

MayBee70

I was chatting to one of my oldest friends on the phone the other day and she said something really nasty about my SIL. So I’ve decided not to phone her again. It isn’t the first time it’s happened. She never married or had children so I’ve made a point of phoning her throughout the pandemic. I seem to be losing all of my closest friends either through illness or Alzheimer’s and she is one of the few remaining friends I have that I have a shared history with. But her comment was uncalled for and I didn’t want to create an argument. I don’t understand people who say hurtful things and don’t even think about the pain they are causing. I know I’ve said things I regret afterwards and years later it still bothers me that I said something insensitive at the time. When I was a child I laughed at my mum’s singing and it made her cry and I’d give anything to turn the clock back!

Oh Maybee70 I feel like we are in the same boat! I hate arguments too. I feel exactly the same about saying something insensitive, it would worry me for years. {flowers}

What surprises me is that you say she is your only and oldest friend, helped you through divorce and so on.
I don't see envy, but a claim on you - developed over many years. She has treated you like a sister.
Your new husband doesn't like her and perhaps you are now seeing her through his eyes?
Maybe she has always been like that? I mean inclined to tease and banter and flirt and it once amused you but no longer?
I would distance myself from her for a while and mix with more people. A choir is an excellent idea.

Years ago I went off an old friend when her new partner and my DH had nothing in common. Meetups were painful. I often think of her and wish her well but we are no longer in contact.

I think that you have had a consistent message here - friends who upset you are not friends. Sometimes, we cling to friendships from the past, after it's run it's course. A longstanding pal and I were talking about a mutual acquaintance and how trying we find him. Her husband asked " If you met him today, would he be your friend?". We stopped in our tracks, looked at each other and said, together "No".
It's a good question to ask yourself about this lady. Good luck with making new friends.

I think that you have had a consistent message here -friends who upset you are not good friends. Sometimes, we persist with friendships which have outlived their time. A good friend and I were discussing a mutual acquaintance and how trying we find him. Her husband asked " If you met him today, would you want him as a friend?"We stopped, looked at each other and said "No". It's a question you might want to ask yourself about this lady. Good luck with making new friends.

Sorry - no idea what happened there!( Incompetence probably)

Have to agree with others, PrettyNancy please I really think it is time now to move on.
I think it is hard, but you could not phone, invite or text on anyway. I don't think I would offer a, reason of she did ask why, I would choose to ignore. No need to explain. Be busy if she phibes and you pick up, no time to talk.
Perhaps you may need to think about ways you could make new friendships. I'm sure all of us on here can make suggestions... Hugs. A tough one. But you will overcome this disappointment.

Well - pardon me, but stuff the good friend bit - she sounds poisonous.

You must not be put off singing - it is so very good for you in every way - sing, sing, sing and to hell with the gruesome friend.

Spot on Lucky. Nobody needs a ‘friend’ like that.

Grammaretto

What surprises me is that you say she is your only and oldest friend, helped you through divorce and so on.
I don't see envy, but a claim on you - developed over many years. She has treated you like a sister.
Your new husband doesn't like her and perhaps you are now seeing her through his eyes?
Maybe she has always been like that? I mean inclined to tease and banter and flirt and it once amused you but no longer?
I would distance myself from her for a while and mix with more people. A choir is an excellent idea.

Years ago I went off an old friend when her new partner and my DH had nothing in common. Meetups were painful. I often think of her and wish her well but we are no longer in contact.

Interesting that you should say she has treated me like a sister, she never has a good word to say about her sister! I have met her a couple of times and she seems nice, quiet, looks after her family and grandchildren, content with her husband and doesn't gad about like my 'friend' as they are like us, don't have the money or the inclination!

I do think she has got worse in the last few years, and yes, maybe my husbands view has opened my eyes!

Luckygirl3

Well - pardon me, but stuff the good friend bit - she sounds poisonous.

You must not be put off singing - it is so very good for you in every way - sing, sing, sing and to hell with the gruesome friend.

Thank you Luckygirl3, I fully intend to sing my heart out!

Enjoy your singing enjoy your new husband, your "Friend" sounds like a needy person to me and only wanted the friendship when she thought you were the same and needy. Now you are more confident and have a good life she is going out of her way to destroy it.