How to let go of my adult children

Blondiescot

Urmstongran

‘Suggestions’ are just that. They will take them or not. My late mum gave me wise advice many years ago. “All you can be now is a safety net. They will drop in it if needed”.

Absolutely this! One of the hardest parts about being a parent is taking that step back and letting them fly - letting them make their own way, make their own mistakes etc, but remaining there for them as and when needed.

I went in to search to find this thread. really need to read all this. my daughter finally separated from her husband three months ago after being unhappy for about three years, he wasn’t abusive or anything she just fell out of love with him I think. Anyway I know I have been texting her too much and phoning her, she works from home so that’s not always convenient and she has two children three and five so reading this thread will help me to let go and as one of the posters said to be a safety net, that is really really good advice.. thank you..(she has pointed out to me that she has a very busy life and a lot going on)

When my children left home I undid my apron strings and burnt my apron.

We are aleways willing to give help and advice if requested, and it is, a surprising number of times, but otherwise they are big enough and ugly enough to look after themselves.

Oh my word,I have four adult children and certainly don’t contact them every day nor would I expect them to contact me the same way! If I did they would be telling me I need to find some hobbies,they know where we are if we are needed and would only give advice if they asked for it, we certainly don’t interfere they all have their own family units. Both myself and my husband brought them up to be independent people and they are doing just fine. And we all know we appreciate each other.

This2willpass

That’s it really. I recognise that I need to let my adult children make their own decisions in life rather than me trying to persuade to take my decisions. Finding it so so hard not to interfere.

I also find it hard not to interfere, or at least to try and make the right decision between interfering and wanting them not to make big mistakes in life.Little mistakes, yes are alright, but sometimes I have strongly felt my children are doing the wrong thing, they are grown up and my grandchildren are also grown up, but I am still worrying!
I suppose it is a matter of waiting to be asked for our opinion by them, and not doling out advice which is unwanted.

I had a phone call from my daughter in tears this morning. She wants me to go up for a few days so I managed to get time off work and I’m going up Thursday, she’s really struggling because her husband will not accept that she’s not going to go back to him…

Shinamae, you have the balance right, and respond to requests.

I doubt if the OP is still reading this thread.

MerylStreep

I doubt if the OP is still reading this thread.

I resurrected this thread… because I needed to read all the advice on here….again

When our children become adults it is time to let go. We have done our bit in raising them and giving all the advice and suggestions during this period of growth now it's their turn to walk into the future with hopefully some of this information rubbing off.
We are all different and our thoughts and needs for our future are important and hopefully our adult children will be part of this. This isn't always the case when they move for jobs or move away even live in another country. However it's their life to live in the way they want and our life to live doing all the things we wanted to do but didn't have the time . You should be enjoying your life doing all the things that are now available to you to do. Life can be short don't look back wishing you had done something when it's too late.