I’m 67 with an angry husband

Well done, Sue, you’ve done the hardest bit, according to friends who’ve been in the same situation.

Nellbell I hope you now feel emboldened to do the same thing.

So genuinely pleased you finally found the courage to leave Sue and I shed tears of happiness reading your news. Like you, I've kept a diary on and off for the last 17 years and reading back, I shake my head about unbelievable stuff I've had to deal with and the way I've allowed myself to be treated but I think part of it is not having ever lived on my own, it's very scary. I can't believe after all these years I'm still trying to pluck up the courage to go. Part of it the fear that his vicious temper will re-emerge. Hopefully one day very soon....

Nellbell5, if you are frightened that you will face your husband's temper when you leave, find a confidante and when you are ready to have that conversation, get them to come and pick you up at a specific time. You can have the conversation at a given time and then walk away safely with your head held high. Don't let fear rob you of a decent life. Wherever there is a problem with these things, there is usually a solution.

Good luck Sue

Dont be afraid of living alone nell it is literally the most peaceful thing to lock that front door with you inside and the world including an abuser outside

Thank you all so much for your kind words of support. I’ve played one of the nasty voice recordings to my sons, they were visibly upset & near to tears as they listened to him spewing his bile at me. He’s messaged me a few times saying things like it feels like his heart’s been ripped out, said he’s seeing a therapist about his jealousy issues… and would I go to couple counselling with him (uhhh HELL NO!)… I asked for this years ago, when I still cared & he point blank refused). I feel like a bitch because I’ve become completely numb to his pain.

I’ll keep you posted on developments.

Sue110 Your husband has been numb to your pain for years, and years and years, and rejected every attempt on your part to resolve the issue. You are now doing to him what he did to you, but on a far smaller scale and he is trying to manipulate you back in his usual manner.

What he is doing now is a well known tactic for men like him. It is called emotional blackmail. Trying to make you feel sorry for him, make you believe he really means to change, but leopards like him do not change their spots.

Enjoy feeling like a bitch - and the power it gives you, while disentangling yourself from this relationship and going freely on your way.

Please please do not give in to the emotional blackmail.

I had this once, pleading that he will change. When I reiterated it would make no difference, he said I was a hard hearted women!! It is a well known tactic.

Sue

Being a bitch is liberating! It means you see through their crap, see their true colors and their manipulations dont work anymore.

It is progress! Congratulations

Being a bitch = stand up for yourself and put yourself first

He would say that, wouldn’t he, Sue110? You’ve been his whipping boy for years and years, how’s he going to get his ‘fun’ now? The only thing he is heartbroken about is himself and how he’s going to cope. No one else would put up with his behaviour. Don’t give him another thought, just plan for a new life of freedom for yourself.

Nellbell, living on your own might be a daunting thought but think about how you’ll be able to please yourself in future! No having to take into account your dh’s moods etc. I’m sure there will be challenges along the way but you have the internet and so many solutions to problems can be found on there, be it something practical, like unblocking a drain, or support from other people, which you’re already getting from people here.

Have only just come across this post, so apologies for late contribution. There are too many controlling men about. I was married to one for almost 30 years. Divorced for 5 years now, own my home, come and go as I please, no more treading on eggshells. Glad you’ve left this man - and under no circumstances let him draw you back in. Leopards definitely don’t change their spots. I’m so much happier these days. As for him, well the ink on the decree absolute was hardly dry and he married (his third time). I hear that now he’s ‘settled’, he’s doing exactly what he wants again, pursuing his own interests and going on group holidays without his wife. He was ‘so in love’ with this woman 5 minutes after he’d met her - now it seems he’s happy to leave her at home and please himself. So glad I’m free. All the best. You might want to join the Freedom Programme if it’s offered in your area. Teaches you how to spot red flags and avoid getting involved with an abuser again.

So pleased that you are leaving Sue. I was in a similar situation for 13 years. With a young family etc it was very difficult, but I kept telling myself there was no way I wanted to get old married to him. He would beg for longer to work things out, but nothing changed. After we split, he said he was crying and suicidal thinking about our marriage ending, but I told him it was just a bit of what I'd felt for years!

I'm really happy now - it took me 12 years to get round to marrying my now husband (as I was very wary), but he is the exact opposite of my first husband.

I’ve become completely numb to his pain.

This will help you, Sue, so it is a good thing. It is part of the armour you need right now.

I wish you all the best for your free future.

Latest episode of being cold shoukdered started new years day 2022 and still continuing. No idea why and he won't say

Nell please please summon your courage and leave. Surely living alone must be better than this c* behaviour above, and worse.

Sue so pleased for you. Ignore his pleas. Onwards and upwards eh! ?

Leave him Nell… find the strength & go… mines been begging me to come back since I left on Sunday… trying all sorts of tactics. But I’ve detached myself from any pain he’s feeling, since leaving I’ve been sorting out a place to live, buying new bits & bobs for my soon to be, new home. I have no regrets, and I know I will never regret making this decision. Thinking of you & sending much love ❤️

THANK YOU EVERYONE for your messages & for being there for me, I so appreciate all your kind words of support ❤️

Update: I’m going to the house today to pick up my stuff, I’m going with 2 of my sons. I’ve asked him not to be there; he’s agreed.
I’ve already detached myself from the house I called home for so many years; I’ve realised that it’s only bricks & mortar & I was only ever happy there on the days he was away. Feeling calm & that feels so good. I’ve registered with local authority for an over 60s property, my stuffs going into storage until our finances are sorted & I can buy a place of my own ?

All the very best Sue. You have the rest of your life to live and you WILL have the strength with the loving support of your sons. ??

Congrats Sue!

Im so happy for you!

Time to go out and find all the happy

Fantastic news!
Hold your head high and walk into your brand new future!
My very best wishes to you.
X

Sue110- congratulations: you've taken the first step to freedom. The future is brighter than the past.
Nell, I hope that we hear that you have taken heart from Sue and will be posting similar news soon.

Sue That is excellent news! Well done and good luck

Nell how are you?

Well done Sue, hope that Nell follows your example.

How can you say this man is caring!!
Start planning to move out of this mans life.
Sort out your finances, take advice but do it now.
Don't be frightened to make the change, you are still young enough to make a fabulous life for yourself.
Do something now don't wait any longer.
Best of luck

I've just realised you have left him, fantastic. Now start living a normal life.