Date gone bad

What a shame. It was brave of you to try again and you must feel so let down. However, if sex is all that matters to him and all the friendly companionship hasn't made him feel that you are worth persevering with and gently helping then it's his loss.
Silly man. Try to put this behind you although I know that's difficult. At least you tried. Now give yourself a pat on the back and think up a nice treat for yourself.

Thank you for your support and encouragement, it means a lot right now.

Maybe he’s embarrassed that it didn’t work out, too? I do understand how you feel. It was a long time ago now but after my marriage ended I met someone else and was devastated when that relationship didn’t work out as I put so much effort into it. We are still friends, though although we did have a period of time when we didn’t communicate. Then one day I phoned him for a chat and we resumed our friendship but just platonically as we were both with other people by then.Maybe, after a while your friend will become your friend again. I do hope so.

Don't feel humiliated. This man is an idiot. He should have been able to talk with you about your problem and reassure you. If sex mattered to the extent that he ended the friendship so abruptly and rudely, he's not worth worrying about. It's just sad that you invested so much time. But don't let it put you off having another relationship, if you want to.

You know this man better than any of us.. could his reaction be down to embarrassment?
In any case, the problem is one of mechanics... dryness or whatever... please address that problem via your gp... then trust your instincts, you have done nothing wrong, he might not be the one for you, but that doesnt mean you wont meet someone else in the future... and next time you will be prepared.
Have courage, be proud of yourself... head up!!

I think the poor man is blaming himself when if fact it was your body letting you down. He's probably highly embarrassed and doesn't know what to do, so he's avoiding you.
I wouldn't push it for a month or so, don't purposely go looking for him, but at the same time stick to your routines with your walks and coffee breaks. Hopefully, with time, he'll pluck up courage to come looking for you to start again.
I admire your pluck, no experience is ever wasted. Good luck.

I second Aveline.

A lot of women find sex painful after a longish pause or post-menopause.

Telling yourself to relax and enjoy it doesn't often help and never will unless the man has sufficient maturity and understanding to try to help.

Give yourself time to recover from this disappointment, and if or when you feel like trying again, remember that you are a strong independant woman and that unfortunately that frightens a great many men.

Look for one who likes strong independant women and be honest with him about your temporary difficulties re sex.

It should be possible to solve these if you both want to.

I haven’t had sex for nearly thirty years……must be like Fort Knox down there.Having said that l never have enjoyed sex so celibacy suits me just fine. ?
I agree with other posters and think he is embarrassed and humiliated…

He’s probably more embarrassed than you are.
And you did nothing wrong by the way, You wanted to have sex so you did. It just didn’t quite go to plan, but how was you to know?

Give it time & hopefully you can be friends again.

Please don’t let this one incident dent your self esteem. Breathe deeply, put it down to one of life’s ups and downs and carry on with your good life.
I agree with ExDancer, carry on your routines and who knows what will transpire in the future.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say I’m a strong independent woman and I will get through this. Treat yourself to something nice to lift your spirits.
All the luck in the world going forward.

Drawinggran I feel for you so much. It definitely wasn't your fault, it's just how our female bodies change as we get older. Lots of good advice above to which I won't add; I just wanted to
send empathy and support.

Shinamae me too….. cobwebs

I am indebted to you all for the time and thought you have taken to give me such good advice.
It’s good to have such support and I am truly grateful.
I intend to embrace the Japanese ethos of Wabi Sabi, the art of appreciating beauty that is imperfect. It will help to repair my dented self esteem.
I shall also congratulate myself on a lucky escape!
Thank you.

Do you know whether he has an active sex life? Maybe he's out of practice too, and was as desperate as you for it to work. It's all very well saying that a mature man should be able to discuss things with you but there are many, many men and women who wouldn't be able to have that sort of discussion on a first encounter. It's a whole other kettle of fish having that discussion with someone you've been with for a long time. Possibly he blames himself and, as others have said, he's embarrassed. No reason for you to feel humiliated though. If you bump into him you could smile brightly and just say 'I'm so pleased to see you. I miss our chats over coffee' then just leave it at that. He may just be a creep interested in nothing but sex. On the other hand he may just be a human being with some flaws, like most of us.

Quite a lot of men of a certain age cannot discuss intimate problems with out getting embarressed,they are not as open to discussion like the younger generation.
He is probably embarressed by his lack of knowledge if he has not been in a relationship for a long while.
Meet up with him and have a coffee & chat and try and take things from there.

He could be embarrased too
I agree telling him hi and suggesting coffee again would diffuse the situation

I am so sorry, I think he was embarrassed too. My husband died in 2016 and I had a bleed a few years later - apparently my 'v', whatever the acceptable term is, is showing signs of 'atrophy'. I looked it up and it is normally after the menopause due to a drop in oestrogen - inflammation, dryness, and thinning of the tissue. I had a smear the following year and found it very painful.

There are lots of things you can get to help, I'm sorry he didn't give you a chance to discuss it.

Just another thought, I am older than you (83) and realised about 10 years ago that I was uncomfortably dry 'down there'. At that time we used to actually see our GPs in the surgery so I did mention this problem to aa nice lady doctor who said it was so common as to be 'normal' and promptly gave me a prescription for pessaries to insert twice a week.
Even if you don't have a sex life, like me, the comfort this brings is fantastic.
I didn't realise anything was wrong until it was better, and I'd urge anyone who's past the menopause to consider this.
(Amazon sell creams if you don't want to ask a GP) Just try it.

Don't load yourself down with the worry of it all, its an automatic reaction to think bad and put all the blame on yourself, contact him, talk to him, explain to him your deep rooted feelings.

He may not have turned up to meet you due to his own feeling being on the negative, you wont know unless you contact him.

If if, if the lack of his presence at your coffee meet up WAS purely down to sex then I would say he most cert

Sorry, sent before finished x
Then I would say he most certainly is NOT worth the worry you are putting yourself through, in fact, he has shown his true colours ( IF that was the case ) and you are well shut of him ....
But you need to communicate first....

Sorry you are going through all this .....

OP, worried this is TMI but trying to be practical here.... if you want to enjoy sex you will definitely need some form of lubrication or help from the doctor and you could use erm... toys to help you feel comfortable again because we do have muscles down there and they can tense up when we are nervous.

If you aren't really worried about sex then focus on looking for companionship

I agree Violet.

Another tmi - the first time you have sex with a person can be incredibly awkward
You do not like what the other likes, you want to satisfy your partner and you are worried you may not....

You do not know what the other likes -