Date gone bad

Thanks for this everyone.
I will send an email explaining that I would be very sad to lose our original friendship over something that just didn’t work as planned, and he knows where I am if he would like to resume what we enjoyed before. The balls in his court (could that be a very bad pun? It really wasn’t intended)
This would be the polite thing to do, and make me feel more in control, it’s up to him if he responds.
In the meantime I shall see my practice nurse to discuss this. Good to know I’m not alone.

^balls in his court^….not a bad pun at this time of the year Drawinggran ?
All the best for the future.

So let me know how it turns out . .x

Good luck. A dignified email may be just the thing.

BlueBelle

Shinamae me too….. cobwebs

????

It's takes two to tango he is maybe embarrassed about it. However avoiding you is making you insecure as if it's all your fault. I actually think that's immature he needs to man up! It is not your fault so dust yourself down and carry on with your life. It was an experience you and plenty of other people have at some point. Don't dwell on it just enjoy your life as you choose too.

Sorry if this is tmi but I agree that after menopause our bodies change, also if you add in a long period of sexual abstinence then yes vaginal atrophy is definitely a thing,

And it's no one's fault - it's a biological fact.

However we are lucky we don't have to suffer in silence like our mothers and grandmothers did. We can and should take steps to combat atrophy and to ensure we maintain vaginal health as long as possible, whether we are sexually active or not. Atrophy can lead to all sorts of complications so it's best avoided.

DerbyshireLass

Sorry if this is tmi but I agree that after menopause our bodies change, also if you add in a long period of sexual abstinence then yes vaginal atrophy is definitely a thing,

And it's no one's fault - it's a biological fact.

However we are lucky we don't have to suffer in silence like our mothers and grandmothers did. We can and should take steps to combat atrophy and to ensure we maintain vaginal health as long as possible, whether we are sexually active or not. Atrophy can lead to all sorts of complications so it's best avoided.

I agree. I had several hospital appointments after a pmb which terrified ( my doctor fast tracked me) me only to find out it was atrophy which is what I thought it was but no one mentioned it. I used Replens afterwards. I used to get terrible cystitis, too.

Drawinggran

Thanks for this everyone.
I will send an email explaining that I would be very sad to lose our original friendship over something that just didn’t work as planned, and he knows where I am if he would like to resume what we enjoyed before. The balls in his court (could that be a very bad pun? It really wasn’t intended)
This would be the polite thing to do, and make me feel more in control, it’s up to him if he responds.
In the meantime I shall see my practice nurse to discuss this. Good to know I’m not alone.

That sounds eminently sensible. Well done.

No humiliation needed. YOU did nothing wrong - your body let you down, that is all, and a trip to the GP makes sense.

I guess he did not feel to great to have "caused" you pain.

Many years ago when I was in my 40s I worked on a telephone chat line (aka sex line) and it gave me such an insight into the fragility of the male ego. Mostt men think its down to them to make it work in bed. The fact that it didnt will have cut him deeply into his pride.

Women have these kinds of conversations with one another. However men do not generally talk to their "mates" about this. They just bottle it up.

The posters who say that men often find it difficult to have these kinds of conversations with their partners are correct. It was easier for them to talk to a stranger, someone they do not know. I had many such conversations with men that I would never meet. So they were just a voice on the phone and I could be non judgemental.

I would do as some others have suggested. Dont avoid the man and go on with your usual routine. If you see him be friendly but dont try to draw him out . Let things go for a few weeks or maybe months. Then perhaps make a move to ask him for a coffee - emphasizing just as a friend.

I am proud of you because you still remember that you are strong and independent woman. He couldn't take it from you anyway!

I suspect women who haven’t experienced excruciating pain h

I suspect women who haven’t experienced the excruciating pain caused by vaginal atrophy, will struggle to understand how bad it is. No amount of lubricant or desire prevents it. No loving male partner would expect or want their partner to suffer this way.

I wouldn't give him the time of day.
It doesn't matter how he felt about it, no excuses for behaving as he did..

@Drawinggran You didn't say if you were on HRT. It is a fact that as we age we can get vaginal atrophy. This can be a very painful condition. I know a smear nurse I had even referred to HRT as " opening you up" ! I have been on HRT for over 7 years now and am also on a vagifem pessary twice a week to support my whole urinogenital system. There are lots of " in the moment" products like the YES range which are good for sex and just general health but it maybe that you need some vaginal meds. I agree that he could be embarrassed about it but let's face it every time with someone new is awkward - it's a shame he has reacted this way. If it is many years for you I would suggest that you get a vibrator and some lube and see how that feels to you. Good idea to talk to your nurse too.

Let’s be realistic here, this chap might be acting like an idiot who after getting someone into bed is off.

I know a person who is recently widowed and he is doing the same thing, there are so many women who are taken in by men who are reliving their feckless youth, with no worries about pregnancy, but ignoring the risk of an STD.

I’m sorry if he is treating you like this.