My New Chapter

Well done Sue ?

Well done Sue and best of luck for the future. Don’t look back !

Well done for finally getting the courage to do that. I did exactly the same a few years ago in my late 50's and my only regret is that I didn't do it earlier.

Sue. How did you arrange the practicalities of leaving? Did you have somewhere to live?

Well Done - you're fantastic!!

Well done. Brave lady. All the best for the future ?

Well done to all for coming through - including myself. The more I tried to make it work, the more I was controlled and bullied. I was so gullible and believed the lies. Now very mistrustful of opposite sex. Good luck to everyone on this post. Enjoy the rest of your lives. X

Well done Sue ..... Enjoy your new found freedom to be yourself without fear of rage.
Just a cautionary note to those thinking of leaving an abusive relationship. When you decide to leave, you can be at your most vulnerable, so please take heed of advice from the Domestic Abuse Helpline who are there to help and support you. Good Luck to you all ...... It's a lovely feeling to go home and feel safe xxxx

I wish you all the best for your future, you are brave and strong to walk out. Domestic abusers often never change. His behaviour and response I have heard of so many times from others: she goes back, and he does it again, and again, sometimes ending in a killing.

That being said women are just as capable of being abusers. Remember the hand sign introduced in lockdown to signal help is needed?

@Lyndie. My situation was that I had no say in how joint monies were used. I am hoping that I can get benefits.

I've worked with many victims of domestic abuse and would wholeheartedly agree with the OP.

I've seen people torn apart mentally and physically over the years by abuse.
People who forgive for whatever reason until it happens again and sadly, it nearly always does.

I once sat with a woman who had dreadful injuries, he literally had nearly killed her. She was telling me that despite it all "he was a good dad", her children had been found kneeling by her when she was unconscious.

Nothing is worth the price....a house, being financially comfortable etc.

Clever girl, now don't give in when you have had a bit of time on your own and maybe feel a bit lonely or something needs fixing. There are groups to join, tradesmen to fix things or nice neighbours. It takes time to adjust long term but it will all be worth it and you are a clever, interesting, middle aged lady with wisdom. Remember this.

Been there and agree totally and add on benefits. You can eat when you like, sleep when you like, read all night if you want to. Watch and listen to what you like. The list is endless. Good luck.

I’ll second that. Best feeling I can remember, waking up in my own safe house with my two children feeling safe and calm.

well done!!! I would do the same, no-one should treat you like that & if he's lonely he's only himself to blame

Feel all of those Sue110….but can’t escape! He’s disabled past 26 years…. now he’s started with dementia….I gave up workat that point ( dementia) as couldn’t cope with what I’d find when I got home. Don’t like him and don’t love him….haven’t these 15 years past! But, no money of my own, and no ability to walk away! So, so , so pleased you’ve found your liberty …. I will always be enamoured of the way you’ve chosen.Such relief you must feel. .I wish you so well ….and can almost taste your freedom!

So glad you've had the courage to do that. Isn't it wonderful for you.
He will never ever change, if he wanted to he would have done so years ago. Chances he will be an arse when you divorce, so look for a solicitor who understands coercive control and will help you get what you are entitled to. And a good mediator
I personally found the freedom programme was very helpful helping me to understand what had happened over the years and I realised that some of the things that had happened were manifestations of the abuse that I'd not realised Not immediately but when I was ready. It was very helpful and helped me mentally, but meanwhile just enjoy the freedom

Sue110

Excellent news! Well done .....

I think from reading your replies though that there are quite a few on here that need a bit of advice on 'how to do it'? Sue maybe you could give some advice as to how you managed it?

I did it about 14 years ago, but I was in my own house and just chucked his stuff on the lawn outside in black bin bags!

For those that are struggling now and are maybe still with their partners then a good place to start may be Citizens Advice about finances and benefits and your rights, and also Womens Aid will help you too particularly in an emergency

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

If you feel that you really cannot do anything because you are being controlled/watched, then there is a word that you can use in any UK Pharmacy discretely and they will take you somewhere safe. You can go into Boots or other chemist and ask for ANI pronounced ANNIE and they will take it from there for you.

I’m so happy for you
My first husband wasn’t physically abusive but he WAS a bully. It was his way or the highway. After I left he put us all through 2 years of hell and made me fight for custody of the children, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 14 years, now, who knew me better in 12 months than my first husband did in 12 years.
That first step is the hardest, but don’t look back. There’s a better life waiting for you.

Sue110 I'm so glad you made that life choice. New beginning and a much happier life.

If your husband had really loved you he would not have been abusive to you.

Years ago, when religious, I remember a scripture saying to the effect that "a man should cherich his wife as his own body". But obviously he loved himself too much.

Love is a 2 way thing, not abusive.

Cherish your new found freedom. Be yourself. All the best and big hugs ?

You made the right choice. All the very best for the future.

Well done you!! May the rest of your life be joyful and free as mine is now. Live long and prosper!!!

Thank you for sharing your experience sue110.
Many years ago I was in the same situation with a husband who was both physically and mentally abusive but I wasn't brave enough to do anything about. It was took out of my hands as he died and after a while I just felt as if my life had just started again.
Be happy, you deserve it.

Well done . I left 20 years ago , it was hard financially but the emotional relief was immense.

Well done Sue110. May you enjoy many years of peace and happiness x x