Friendship meant nothing, obviously

I read your thread and i really think that nothing was intentional. With covid, it turned peoples life/routine upside down, what they once did, they no longer do.

Reading you thread brings a lovely image to my mind, of brunch before they continued on their 'rounds'.

Regarding the very sad news, I would agree with another poster that the family may not have realised your friendship and that may be why you weren't told.

Speaking from my own situation, I have friends that I do A, B and C with and it isnt common knowledge to my daughter.

I wouldnt take it personally, I would do as others have suggested, pop round with flowers in a few days.

Take care

Perhaps the OP wasn't "important enough" to be told after the friendship dwindled because of covid (Blasted pandemic has caused deep deep harm to society way, way over and above deaths from the virus). That doesn't mean she wasn't important to the couple when they called in and had brunch with her regularly.

Sorry, but it makes me really quite angry when people can't/won't make allowances for other people's weaknesses, troubles, just-not-really-copings. As I said, have a bloody heart!

Baggs Why do do people feel so “entitled”? Someone’s partner died and you’re grumping about your feelings! Good grief! Have a heart!

What happened to making allowances about what other people are going through? Jeez!

Ppl need to remember everything isn’t about them.

CrazyH was expressing her feelings on here which is a darn sight better than telephoning and expressing them directly. Sometimes, expressing those initial hurt feelings mean that someone can see the wood for the trees , get past the hurt and start thinking about all the things that you mention! So, although I agree that it is important to make allowances for other people's weaknesses, troubles, just-not-really-copings I also think it important to cut people a little slack whilst they work through their own initial feelings and hurt to get to the point where they can respond rationally!! I think "entitled" is harsh in these circumstances!

Good post, madgran, and I agree about a little slack being cut. Every other poster had done that.

Home truths are valuable too.

Afterthought: my posts were about cutting a little slack for the bereaved friend.

Bagga Yes I understood your post and agree about cutting a little slack for the bereaved. My post was about a bit of slack for someone expressing their hurt a bit before coming to right conclusions. Yup home truths are valuable but can also be expressed kindly.

Hey ho. I think overall we agree really ?

The family is grieving, they are trying to cope. It is an awful time and the last thing on their minds will be people outside the immediate family. Just a fact of life and I am absolutely sure it won't be personal. Wait a while .

Baggs apologies for spelling your name wrong above

Perhaps the question is, why should someone be upset about what happened in the first place. GN often seems full of complaints from people castigating and repudiating friends because they didn't behave towards them aas they decided they should. they seem to think the world revolves round them and how they feel.

So often there are very good reasons why things happen. Recently I heard about a very close friends death through the grapevine; Facebook and a phone call from my son. I was a bit surprised, but when I did speak to her son, it turned out that his father, a computer expert, had put a high security system on the family computer and nobody knew his mother's password. All her addess and contact lists were on her computer, but he couldn't access them. I am glad I didn't get upset.

I am not specifically talking about the OP, more a general comment on this and many similar threads.

Madgran77

Baggs apologies for spelling your name wrong above

No prob, madG. I didn't even notice.

Excellent post, M0nica. Nail hit squarely on its head when you talk about people having expectations about how other people should behave in certain circumstances.

Of course, we all do that to some extent. We have to have expectations of civilised behaviour for society to function properly, but whether someone should have done something, for which there might be many perfectly good
reasons not to, is pushing it too far.

I think it's possible to see the problem stated in this thread in that way. Which does not mean that I think people should see it in that way, just that it's a perfectly good way to see it.