Family unforging

I also think there has to be more to this than this one incident. Maybe it was a last straw event?

There is hope there. If she says he has to do a lot to put it right, what does that mean? Is there a pattern of getting drunk and being rude to people? You can apologise but, if the same behaviours happen over and over, an apology doesn't cut it when it keeps happening.

Maybe asking what he needs to do will reveal the underlying problem and give him something in his power to change things?

I hardly think that using the C word once constitutes behaviour also, it sounds as if the father has apologised profusely.

I find this whole thing unbelievable! I hate the C word, it is utterly degrading to women but to remove someone from your life because he said it seems really OTT. The family of the man who said C must lead very sheltered lives. He has apologised, he was drunk, move on.!

Not just anyone Smudgie, it was her father, I think my daughters would have some trouble with that, and so would I.

Just sounds as if they’re fed up with this moody man. The OP says he was remorse, drunk and unsociable. Spoiling the visit with his sulks, in fact.

The tomorrow, he’s sorry and everything should be nice now - until the next time.

Just fed up with pandering to his moods.

morose

JPB123

Thank you for your replies….I have spoken to my sis in law who tells the same version as my brother..but she states that it is unforgivable and that he will have to do a lot to put it right..But what else can he do? Sackcloth and ashes?

You'd have to ask your sis in law what more is needed.
It may be a 'last straw' situation and the relatives don't want to go into it all with you.

Try not to take a side.

JPB123 you asked, sis in law answered.

Brother can solve, try to disregard - not your problem.

JPB123

Thank you for your replies….I have spoken to my sis in law who tells the same version as my brother..but she states that it is unforgivable and that he will have to do a lot to put it right..But what else can he do? Sackcloth and ashes?

Would self flagellation go some way to help the relatives forgive ?

I take your point Sarah1954 but unless I have not read it correctly I didn't realise he had called his daughters C's. If that was the case I agree with you but do we have the full context of this behaviour?.

Sara1954

Not just anyone Smudgie, it was her father, I think my daughters would have some trouble with that, and so would I.

It’s a funny old world.
The word was once good enough for Shakespeare and Chaucer to use in their works.
I believe it was the clergy in the 1500s who demonised the word.

Difficult to know what I would do without knowing more of the circumstances. Whether the children were even there, for instance.

At some point in our lives most of us need forgiveness from someone we care about. She is setting her children the example that if she does something they dislike they can just cut her off. She had better hope they are a bit more forgiving.

Why does no one forgive?

Because they don't like rudeness acted or said.

Change the narrative. They don't approve he drinks to be drunk. They don't like his drunk abusive language. They are reminded of things best buried. They have asked him to quit, he won't. My guess, he was drunk AGAIN.

why are so many quick to say it was an over reaction? We dont know what the context was or what happened.

Why do people need to let things go if boundaries are crossed just because its family?

What can OPs brother do? He can wait and prove over time that it was a one off and that it will not happen again. No need for over the top sarcasm and jokes.

People are allowed to have hard boundaries.

Summerlove

why are so many quick to say it was an over reaction? We dont know what the context was or what happened.

Why do people need to let things go if boundaries are crossed just because its family?

What can OPs brother do? He can wait and prove over time that it was a one off and that it will not happen again. No need for over the top sarcasm and jokes.

People are allowed to have hard boundaries.

All day and all night - this.

Family have no God given right to abuse, people may have boundaries.

Norah
The OP has never stated that he drinks to get drunk or that
they have asked him to quit
It’s one word, not a bloody hanging offence.

Smudgie
To be honest, I don’t think we know, I thought at first the children were present, now I’m not sure, and we don’t know who if anyone he was referring to.
But whatever the situation, I don’t think any daughter would like to hear her father use the C-word.

I didn't realise that Meryl Streep and I even did Chaucer for my Eng Lit A levels and hated all his works !! I thought it was f---- that was the Anglo Saxon word in common use at the time. I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when this C episode took place but I suppose we will never know the truth of it.

Smudgie
There’s lots of info online explains the origins and use of this word. I could post a link but I’m afraid the articles ( of course) are littered with the word.

Smudgie
In The Miller’s Tale and the Wife of Bath the word was spelt differently. Obviously you didn’t ask ?

Thank you Meryl ! I did the Man of Laws Tale which was a torture but I managed to get a pass!! I may look up your references if only to keep my brain neurons working.

MerylStreep

Norah
The OP has never stated that he drinks to get drunk or that
they have asked him to quit
It’s one word, not a bloody hanging offence.

"Drank too much and said the c word" could easily mean he drinks too much, has before, has been asked to quit.

Who drinks with grandchildren around?

It's my guess. Nobody said it was a hanging offense.

Those with boundry crossed can estrange if they choose.

Norah
who drinks with their grandchildren around
The late Queen Mother springs to mind. She imbibed every day starting at lunchtime with her beloved Dubonnet with a splash of gin.
And then there’s me, of course.

I think the OP and her brother are fixing on the c word because that doesn’t require either of them to actually look at his behaviour.

The OP herself uses “morose” “unsociable “. On a visit to his daughter he couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to be pleasant and good company.

Why can’t people forgive? I guess this grumpy, self-centred man has had a lifetime of of people “forgiving” his behaviour. So much so that his sister hardly notices it and thinks it must have been because he swore. What else could it be?

They’ve said enough. Good for them. Now it’s up to him.

My son has not spoken to me for 2.5 years and I've not seen my grandchildren. His partner just doesn't want me around him or the kids. We were very close.... There is a lot of emotional abuse going on. He was a much loved boy. He blocked me from everything and wd never acknowledge me. I had lifesaving surgery in April and despite his sister saying it was serious he didn't believe it and didn't call. Having an angiogram tomorrow... His 91 year old gran. My mum messaged him and asked him to pray. He said OK... But it means nothing. Still nothing. They are having a third child and scan advertised on Instagram. Now he's opened the Instagram to me. He has rejected every advance and didn't care if I am alive or dead. He just wants me and my husband to praise him for having a third. But we know we won't see the child. I have nearly ended my life over this and the pain is unimaginable. Help