My husband is not intimate with me

Debbi58. When did he last have a PSA test? Men can get very defensive about symptoms and as a result cancer can spread, making it terminal. A simple blood test can rule that out and all men over 40 should have a test regularly.

Esspee
He won't go to the doctors for anything . He refused his over 50 check up and that was 7 years ago . His smokers cough is so bad now he makes gargling noises in his sleep, waking us both up . He's always lived in denial, whereas I prefer to face things. I had a recall from my mammogram this time, they could see something on my left breast . I attended the breast care clinic last week , hubbie came with me and luckily everything was fine .

I think it's the lack of intimacy that matters not sex. Without that the relationship is a shell.

Debbi58 Please force your husband to get a PSA test. It is a simple blood test. If he has prostate cancer then if it is caught while confined to the prostate the prognosis is excellent. If it has spread then the prognosis is dire. It is just like breast cancer and is why we ladies go for regular mammograms.

Allsorts

I think it's the lack of intimacy that matters not sex. Without that the relationship is a shell.

I have to disagree with you about the relationship being a shell without intimacy. Whilst it is certainly better for the relationship to have that side of things, you can have the most wonderful friendship with the person you are married to. It may not be ideal but, in the end, most of us end up with that as we become less able to be mobile, etc. Of course, if you don't have a great friendship within your relationship, the lack of intimacy/sex is probably a killer.

This happened to us in our early sixties. My dh worried about it and said he didn’t like to kiss etc as he didn’t want me to expect something he couldn’t do. I said it was even more important that we kiss and show affection. We cuddle each other and kiss. At first I thought it was a shame although at the same time I was suffering vaginal atrophy but would have done something about that if my dh was needing sex. However, we are now in our eighties and have never stopped kissing each other. We never go anywhere ( just to shops etc) without a kiss, Affection is the main thing that is really important and concern and care for each other.

I’ve been married 34 years to my husband who’s 63. I have to say he’s very affectionate and still enjoys a healthy level of intimacy.
I think blood tests for testosterone may be the way to go.
Wishing you luck

Ok, I’d like to put my answer out there but with a warning it’s not for everyone it’s just an example I know of that worked

An ex colleague of mine had exactly the same issue and her husband and her were on the edge of separation. In a nutshell her husband suggested she got her intimacy elsewhere. All I’ll say for now is she has a steady younger companion for sex and the husband and wife couldn’t be happier.
Like I say not for everyone but if all parties agree I think it can work.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.