Asking girls if they have a boyfriend

Happy catholicwife1 did make me laugh though, I thought
those Americans are very strange - y'all I mean

I remember being asked when I was going to start a family. But an even more vivid memory is of being asked if my third pregnancy was a mistake! I already had a boy and a girl so the assumption was my family was complete.

Someone I vaguely knew on seeing me out with DS1 and newborn DS2 asked if I was going to try for a girl!

I went for a job interview at a bank as a newly married woman and things were going very well, at the end of the interview the manager asked if and when I was going to start a family. I lied and said not in the foreseeable future because I knew if I had told the truth I’d never have got the job. Can you imagine being asked that now.

Mouse

I remember being asked when I was going to start a family. But an even more vivid memory is of being asked if my third pregnancy was a mistake! I already had a boy and a girl so the assumption was my family was complete.

Think this is not unusual - I was asked this, then groaned at 3rd daughter, when we were delighted! People who scarcely know you are too forward - neighbour asked did I not know what was causing it, butcher asked me was I a Catholic.
Best ignored.
A friend nearby had a fourth lusty son but couldn’t really conceal her disappointment. Her neighbour announced ‘now you have 4 strong sons to carry your coffin’ - Nothing like putting a positive spin on childbirth.

In the year before 6th form I worked in a store and constantly asked Are you courting? as their daughters were, at 16/17, wed at 18, different times.

My mother in law used to ask my daughter a lot and DD hated it as she knew she was only interested in whether she would get any great grandchildren. Now my son has given her one, and another on the way, she seems to be leaving DD alone!

I don't mind friends taking an interest but I'd be fed up if they asked too frequently. Most of the enquiries about DD these days are about her recovery from a very bad ankle break in May when she had to be airlifted off a mountain! When friends enquire about her recovery it seems they actually care.

I detest that sort of pesonal question. Sitting with my parents in a restaurant (I had been married for about two years) a person they knew slightly came over to the table, looked me up and down and said loudly 'and when are you going to make your Mother a Granny?' For once I had the answer, and replied 'Unfortunately, I cannot have children'. Why do people make these remarks when it is absolutely none of their business? Several years later I saw her again, when I had a toddler and a baby in in a pram, but she scuttled past pretending not to see me. I suppose had she enquired I could have said loudly that I had just abducted them - what a missed opportunity!

I like to believe the best of people. So I’d laugh it off. And say “God knows! I certainly don’t!” Don’t take offence where none is intended.

I’m 64, divorced 24 years, never met anyone special.
A friend I see maybe twice a year always asks if I’ve met anyone yet. Then looks at me full of pity!
I’m so happy with my life but I can’t say that to her as she will translate it as ‘protesting too much’!!!

I was constantly asked about boyfriends by friends of my Mums and elderly relations. Usually I just didn't answer. One particular aunt said one day 'Well you'd better get a move on or you'll be left on the shelf.' The next time she asked I said 'It's really none of your business is it?' It stopped her in her tracks but I got into trouble with my Mum for being so rude to her.

I have a lifelong friend whose eldest son was still living at home in his 30s. He's a lovely chap but was a bit shy and introvert and had only had two girlfriends, briefly. My friend was always being asked 'He's not still at home is he?' 'Doesn't he like girls?' 'Does he bat for the other side?' Eventually Cupid's arrow struck and he met that special person. He is now married with 2 children and they hope to have more. He's as happy as Larry and more confident and outgoing. Now my friend is asked 'They're still together then, not divorced yet?'

We never asked our children about their relationships, if they wanted us to know they'd tell us. Neither do we ask our grandchildren.

To think they are still doing it!

It was the bane of my teenage years, as no, I rarely had a boyfriend.

And guess what? When in my late twenties I began to despair of finding anyone who would want to marry me and have children, did any of those busybodies volunteer to introduce me to nice young men?

No, they did not!

I am willing to bet that if, OP, you hadn't given your friend an answer that politely told her to mind her own business, when the day comes that your daughter has a boyfriend, that good woman would be all over it with impertinent questions like, " are they getting married" or "is there a baby on the way".

What has it got to do with them?
Just say NO IDEA and move on.

Crude attempts at small talk?

My reply would be along the lines of I have no idea if she has a partner or not she doesn't tell me much and thank goodness she doesnt. I might hear something I can't unhear! So what are your kids up to?

I had relatives who would often ask when are you two having a family? Particularly irksome when we were concidering going down the route of I V F. .Once that was out of the bag they wanted an account of what was happening just as in the same way people pry about health issues and try and impart their so called knowledge. Why do some people do this? Darn rude if you ask me.😡

I had a Great Aunt who always asked "How's the boyfriend" I hated that until my Granpa told me to respond "Which one?" She never asked again !

At a wedding, nosy relatives were asking me how much I earned
My reply was - how much do you make, may I ask why you inquire?

I was told by my narc mother I was very rude and I should apologize to my uncle- he was in his 50s, me in my 30s

I told her to mind her own business too

Some people like to be nosy w/o suffering the same treatment
They are offended by their breach of privacy but not by infringing others

Not too long ago, an older lady asked me if my oldest daughter was married yet. No. Does she have a boyfriend? No, but she's just qualified as an accountant and saving for her own house. She promptly turned away to talk to someone else. Short conversation. I think she hoped to convey a sense of disappointment and failure from the way she looked. It seems to some people, especially religious ones, that a woman is somehow incomplete on her own. My own very elderly mother has learnt from her own blunders not to ask when a young couple are going to have a baby, having come to realise that not everyone can or wants to.

I remember being asked if I had a bf when I was young and it made me feel very embarrassed, especially if I did not have one at the time! I don't think people generally mean any harm by asking the question but personally I wouldn't ask it remembering how I felt when I was a teenager.

I think it’s more people trying to show an interest in your life and that includes your children. Being in a relationship is not necessary but we all know if you get the right partner it can be great and supportive and as a parent reassuring that there is someone else who loves your child. That’s what I feel your friends are thinking plus in a conversation sometimes one runs out of things to say.

Some people don't know what to talk about and they live their lives through others. It's sad, and no big deal unless aimed at an insecure teenager. I was one such, and I truly HATED being asked about boyfriends because boys didn't like me as I was a 'swot'. If anyone asked about my sons I just said 'He's fighting them off' - because all my boys are good looking and also truly nice men, in my humble opinion! People can be very insensitive, sadly.

Scottish Gov has recently issued Local Authorities with questionnaires for secondaty school pupils to assess their sexual habits. The sample of questions I read in the media was shocking eg what age first engage in sex; how often do they have sex, what kind of sex, what protection if any. I was astounded that schoolchildren were to be being asked all this. Some LAs are refusing to adhere to the request. What the government is doing with any info they collect goodness knows

That stuff never bothered me. There seems to be an unending list of things on GN sometimes that upset people. I'm upset when I have to have surgery. That's the kind of thing that bothers me.

My cousin’s son, well into his 30’s and as far as I know has never had a GF, was asked if he had one by someone.

“Not at the moment” he replied, which I thought was a good answer,

My son is 42 and since he’s been 16 or so relatives have asked first him, and since he left home , me, this impertinent question.
He would just say no …not interested! This stunned them usually! But he lives quite happily alone …has plenty of freinds Is a handy babysitter to many of them …and generally gets on with his life. I or his dad have never asked him about his sexuality as we consider it’s none of our business. He did once live with a very nice girl who already had a little boy of three ( he knew her from school)….but she eventually went back to her partner. He’s lived alone ever since.My son is not a mummies boy…or incapable as a human being because he chooses to be alone. He’s had his own place since he was 19/20. I invite him for Sunday lunch about once every three weeks and he does little jobs , or heavy lifting for me and , we get on fine… he doesn’t bring his ironing ,..he’s a smashing cook… keeps his place reasonable and always worked!
Now his dad has finially gone into full time residential care ( Alzheimer’s) after me beginning to have failing health, and being unable now to lift him and cope with his falls and aggression, he visits him twice a week … he’s always been a lovely young man , who sees his older sister and her kids regularly, and has matured into a thoughtful man on brink of middle age. He’s never ill…takes care of himself and bothers nobody. He just wants to be left to decide his life in his way not forgetting responsibilities to his close family. So what right have people to ask him impertinent questions or to try and wheedle answers from him that he doesn’t want to give. I would personally slap them .