Gransnet forums


Awful Neighbour now I’m scared.

(70 Posts)
suzi57 Mon 26-Dec-22 20:04:07

My DH has always been good to one of our neighbours who is elderly and lives alone. He’s helped her move things around and in the garden for many years. We’ve been neighbours for over 40yrs. On 23rd December the door bell rang at 11.00 and on answering it, it was the police. They came in and said there had been a complaint against my DH for assault and rape! We were both shocked as there was never anything to suggest anything wasn’t right. He was taken to the police station where he was kept overnight and interviewed in the morning. He returned home around mid day on Christmas Eve on police bail. Apparently it is historical rape from about 10yrs ago. She has always been friendly to us both and I don’t understand why she would still want him to help her, which he has done recently if this had been the case. She has had mental health issues in the past and she has a drink problem. I’m worried sick that my DH of 40+ years has been accused of this and potentially could receive a custodial sentence. Not sure if we should consult a solicitor or wait and see what the police say when they’ve investigated it.

OnwardandUpward Tue 27-Dec-22 10:43:40

It doesnt make sense that the neighbour would still want help if he had raped and assaulted her ten years ago- only possible reason could be if she had somehow compartmentalised. I'm sure the police will uncover the problem.

If I were you, I'd phone a solicitor tomorrow and ask to have one on retainer, so you'll have legal cover whenever you want it.

Startingover61 Tue 27-Dec-22 13:04:16



"The woman making the accusations was not in any way attractive or likely for him to have been tempted by. His wife is beautiful and lovely, so it seemed very unlikely he would have strayed."shock

Good grief! I'm saddened to read such a misguided concept around the reasons for rape.

I too was astounded when I read this.

Caleo Tue 27-Dec-22 14:14:07

I hope the old woman is already known to the authorities as a fantasist !

valdali Tue 27-Dec-22 14:36:32

I do hope this gets sorted out quickly, it must be a horrible situation for you Suzi57.
I was surprised by some posts, though, one saying someone with MH issues or past trauma can do this so best not to have anything to do with them (how many of the posters friends are on antidepressants or anxiolytics, I wonder; & how many of the rest have "past trauma"?) & also the ones advising never to have the opposite sex alone in the house with you. Really? Whilst it would prevent this situation, is it good to live in a way that is so mistrustful of the people around you & so extremely risk-averse? I think your husband going into an elderly next door longstanding neighbour's home to help with moving things, is perfectly normal behaviour & you have just been very unlucky that your neighbour has become delusional.Don't let it destroy your faith in humanity!

Esmay Tue 27-Dec-22 15:41:17

Over Christmas , my father told me that one the nurses in the hospital called him a c--t and told him to f--k off back to the nursing home .
He doesn't live in a nursing home , but I was really concerned about the verbal abuse .
So I asked him about it.
I never said that , he said .

I have no idea whether it's true or not .

Recently, he's said all sorts of things which I know to be untrue , because I've been with him .

sparkly1000 Tue 27-Dec-22 16:03:39

Christmas can be a lonely time for many . We are all bombarded with images of wonderful family life, it doesn’t sound that this lady has any family support.

I do wonder if this lady was craving attention and a call to the police was a cry for that.

Esmay Tue 27-Dec-22 16:09:32

sparkly has hit the nail on the head -anything could have triggered off this false memory even a TV programme , but I imagine that she thoroughly enjoyed all the attention from
those nice young policemen and detectives !

Urmstongran Tue 27-Dec-22 16:24:24

We had a similar post a few weeks ago on GN from someone who purported to be in serious trouble with the Police for stealing from the firm where she worked. Again, “ought I to seek legal advice”There were so many well meaning replies. This lady told us she was scared and was drinking wine in the morning etc. It all came to nought n the end.

Forgive me for being sceptical about this thread. I may of course be wrong but we do have to remember that students are on their Christmas holidays with time on their hands.

Siope Tue 27-Dec-22 16:29:48

anything could have triggered off this false memory even a TV programme , but I imagine that she thoroughly enjoyed all the attention from those nice young policemen and detectives

This is shocking, offensive, speculative nonsense.

You have zero evidence that this is a false memory (just as I have no idea whether it’s a genuine or malicious complaint). Nor, quite obviously, do you have any idea of how traumatic, invasive and painful it is to report any form of sexual abuse, nor a clue about how the police respond to such reports.

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 27-Dec-22 16:59:31

Suzi57 has posted before, although a few years ago.

biglouis Tue 27-Dec-22 17:00:07

Courts do not deal in "he said/she said". They deal in evidence and facts. Very few cases of contemporary sexual assault ever come to court because of lack of evidence. I often wonder about so called "historical" claims against celebrities and people with wealth and am very cynical about some of them.

This does not make it any less distressing for your DH.

Your DH should have been offered the services of a duty solicitor who would no doubt have advised him to give a "no comment" interview. If he was not offered legal services then the police are at fault and it weakens any case they believe they might have.

Esmay Tue 27-Dec-22 17:47:41

Hi Siope ,

No offence was meant from me -apologies if I sounded flippant .
I was trying to console the OP by making light of it .

I was just speculating .

I just think that it's hugely unlikely that this elderly lady in her then eighties was assaulted by the OP's
husband .

As a matter of fact , I do know what it's like to be sexually assaulted and having to deal with reporting it .

It has happened to me several times .

The last occasion being a couple of years ago .

Bridgeit Tue 27-Dec-22 17:55:37

Sorry to read of this, probably best to seek professional advice.

Urmstongran Tue 27-Dec-22 18:08:33

Let’s be cautious here people in revealing too many personal events.
At this juncture we do not know whether there might be a ‘fishing’ element in this thread for prurient reasons.
I’m sorry I do realise I’m playing Devil’s Advocate here (and I might be wrong).
On the other hand. ...

Iam64 Tue 27-Dec-22 18:13:54

Urmston 👍🏻

BlueBelle Tue 27-Dec-22 18:20:40

Umstrong my thoughts too which is why I m not commenting

MerylStreep Tue 27-Dec-22 18:31:46

Suzi57 has posted before. Just saying.

Millie22 Tue 27-Dec-22 18:50:43

How are things? You don't seem to have come back to us 🤔

Urmstongran Tue 27-Dec-22 18:53:50

And 24 hours have gone by on a BH weekend too.
I’d be demented and spilling my thoughts on a regular basis this past day.

Hetty58 Tue 27-Dec-22 19:21:07

suzi57, I'd like to know exactly who was there when he was interviewed. Did he have legal representation? If he's on bail - then he must have been charged. What is the charge? The police should also have informed him of the next steps. If you are unsure, contact them.

Farzanah Tue 27-Dec-22 19:38:13

Under PACE 1984 as I understand, a person must be advised after arrest or voluntary custody, that they can consult a solicitor of their choice, and can only be kept in custody for up to 24 hours without charge, or be released, on bail if necessary for further investigations.

Siope Tue 27-Dec-22 19:38:47

Esmay, I’m so sorry to hear of your experiences - must be horrific for you. And it’s nice that you were so quick to make an apology (and a real one, not a mealy-mouthed politician’s pseudo version).

I think it’s easy to forget that, on any online forum, one never just talking to the OP, but to anyone and everyone.

BlueBelle Tue 27-Dec-22 19:39:45

Suzi seems to have posted once nearly 6 years ago and I can’t open it so no idea how regular it is

OnwardandUpward Tue 27-Dec-22 20:54:43

So sorry Esmay that youve had those experiences.

Oh dear Bluebelle, surely can't be a similar post?

Callistemon21 Tue 27-Dec-22 21:00:41


Suzi seems to have posted once nearly 6 years ago and I can’t open it so no idea how regular it is

Suzi had a rather distressing family problem.
I hope it got resolved afterwards.